He lied to me and his friends about the girl and is still trying to hide her. He told everyone that he and the girl were going on a break to prove to everyone that he did not break up with me for her. Over the next month and a half I have been seeing a therapist and things seemed to be going okay with my ex and I. He would always be the one to initiate the conversations and we went shopping, dinner, and the movies a couple of weeks ago and things seemed great. He even texted me how much fun he had. He just keeps saying he is scared to give me another chance and doesn't think that I will change.
He would go back and forth every couple of weeks. An example, I was in Miami one weekend and he was constantly texting me and his friends telling us that he wanted to work it out. As soon as I told him if we are trying to work on each other then he would eventually have to find work somewhere else he flipped out saying I was trying to control him. He obviously still wants to be with this girl and is now using the excuse "I'm working on myself. I have not spoken to him in a week.
I am just afraid that not talking to him is bringing him and the girl closer together. Do I continue with the no contact and is this girl a rebound or not? He would think you aren't capable of change because you're still in relatively constant contact with him and just like it's hard to tell if someone lost weight if you saw them everyday, this works out to be the same - change can't be seen clearly if you see the person or talk to the person constantly.
I suggest proceeding with NC to actually work on any issues you had to become an improved version of yourself first. This girl could be a rebound but it really depends on the situation was he cheating all this while or only started dating her after the breakup. Honestly, in this situation, you might want to mentally prepare to walk away because if he can't even be honest towards you or his friends about this, you might find it hard to trust him on future occasions if you guys were to work things out. I just think he's using the excuse I won't change because of the girl.
Clearly if the girl wasn't in the picture we would be able to work on our relationship and you would think he would want to give me another chance because he did propose. I have not spoken to him in 2 weeks other then just saying merry christmas yesterday. I do not think he physically cheated while we were together but he did emotionally cheat. He was talking to her over the past year when I asked him not to and he would lie about it.
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He apparently saw her in the summer with another coworker and I had no idea and her number was changed in his phone. He caught feelings for the girl and other then stepping back from the situation he kept going on with it. I had all his passwords so I could see what he was doing with the girl and that is how I caught him because he was lying to everyone about her.
Now I really don't know what is going on because I'm kind of starting to not care. I still want to keep up with the no contact and see how that goes. Hiii okay I need some advice So I dated my boyfriend for 3 years, we moved in together at the beginning of this year. We had a difficult relationship - I cheated once, he cheated a few times.
We broke up for a week or so last year and then we got back together and decided to start fresh, no more cheating or anything we were gonna be serious. Then we moved in together a few months later. He has used this as leverage and an excuse to cheat throughout our relationship. About a month ago he told me he cheated again - we broke up.
For a week I had to live there and he was so cold, didn't talk to me or see me. He was plain rude. Then I moved out and he came running back, saying he regretted everything and he still loves me and wants to work it out. I went away on a trip for 3 days, when I came back he told me he doesn't know what he wants and he has met someone else who makes him really happy. It's been a month and I have not talked to him since. So far, he has proceeded to delete me and all my friends on Facebook, but he's still making pointed posts like "it sucks when you give your all to someone and they don't do the same".
This morning, I discovered he made a post on instagram with This new girl and captioned it "I have never been so happy, it keeps getting better and better with you". He had been following me on instagram up until this morning - so he made a post and then unfollowed me. I don't necessarily know if I want to get back with him, he has really hurt me and I don't know if were right for each other. However I still really love him and im hurt that he possibly moved on so fast. Does this sound like rebound behavior? If I decide I want to be with him and try to get him back, what steps should I take?
Your advice is appreciated!! What you're describing sounds a lot like rebound behavior and isn't something you should be too worried about. If he could latch on and run back to you the moment you walked away, and yet latch onto someone new as easily when you're gone for a couple of days, it doesn't sound like it's a person you can feel secure with for a prolonged period.
That's just my opinion and if you genuinely want him back as opposed to moving on , it's something you need to be mentally prepared for. In the meantime, I would suggest applying No Contact and first focus on picking yourself up before deciding again what you should do.
Hi Im Mary and i am quite confused of what this guy whom unfortunately I love so much wants. We are in a long distance relationship and he left me last September telling me that he cannot bear the distance anymore and that he needs a gf that is physically available. It was the worst heartbreak I experienced in my whole life and it left me shattered. Even after the breakup we still communicate as he always wants to be friends. After a month I felt tired and all I know was that he finally found someone else.
I didnt contact him for almost a month but now he is coming back to mylife again saying that he misses me still. Now i am confused if this guy is even worth loving for after all what he did or is he just trying to fool me around again knowing how much I loved him so hes taking an advantage? It could be either reasons. You know him better than anyone else. I would suggest that if he could walk away once over lack of physical contact, as long as nothing changes aka you moving to be with him or vice versa , it could easily happen a second time.
Be fair to yourself and think this through on whether it's worth it. I broke up with my girlfriend in August, after dating for 7 months. She pleaded to have me back shortly in September, and after thinking about it for awhile, I regretted it and wanted her back.
It's normal that people seek comfort in others when they're upset, which is why rebounds exist in the first place. Right now she may be feeling conflicted as opposed to directly jumping into the rebound because you're still in the picture and on relatively good terms with her. If you're certain that you can make the relationship work and not go back into the same cycle as before, I don't think you should treat the guy as a rebound where you have to back off and not interfere but rather as fair competition where you're trying to win her heart once again.
Three months ago, my exboyfriend and I broke up. We were together for a year in a long distance relationship. I don't even know who broke up with who. I was feeling unloved and I told him. I thought we would try to work things out. However, he took it as if I was saying he was wrong or that it wasn't working.
He said he was going to answer me but he didn't. After some texts and after time of not talking, he suddenly met someone else when he was travelling. Everything between them went so fast. He wrote about having a soul connection and about true love in a few days after meeting each other. I saw their interaction through social media and I could see how fast everything has been moving between them with me everything went pretty slow and it took him forever to tell me he loved me and things like that. She is nothing like me, she is totally different both physically and in interests.
She is almost 20 years younger than him. I feel they are really into each other and I am sad because I thought he would think things through and get back together. The confusing part is that after he came back from his trip and of meeting her , he started texting me. We talked and he seemed to be sad. He told me "I have been ok" instead of great as he looks on his pictures. He has been texting me, to say nothing important. I don't understand why. Is it because he felt guilty?
Is he trying to be friends? Also, after we talked for the first time in a long time, I posted a picture with a guy I met. I didn't have any intentions of doing so, but that day he sent me a super friendly text. I don't know if it was because now it seems that each one of us moved one or could it be that he is still interested? Why does he want to start and keep talking? He could be confused and undecided on what he wants at the moment, and the other girl could be a rebound that sparked while he was trying to cope with your 'breakup' seeing how you said that she was nothing like you.
It could be that he keeps wanting to talk to you so as to not let you go, since his spark with the rebound may have been a holiday romance. Hi, so i was dating this girl for about 2 years and we loved each other very much. We spent everyday we could together. I slipped up and cheated on her with another girl. I then told her about what had happened and she became super angry and slept with a guy to hurt me. She told me right after she did it to make sure i felt the pain. I obviously want her back because I acknowledged my mistake but now she does not want to talk to me.
She is now with the same dude and is posting alot about him on social media for me to see. I want to commit to fixing our relationship but understand that she is not in the best state of mind to talk. I'm going to start no contact for at least 45 days and see what happens. I'm pretty sure she still loves me and is just rebounding. Any suggestions or concerns i should be worried about? At the moment, leave her be no matter how painful it may be to see them together and during this NC period, spend time focusing and improving yourself as a person. Give her that space to calm down and let her relationship with the guy fade out before coming back.
Thanks Ryan, I will follow what you have instructed. So say i do NC and i message her and shes still upset with me, is there anything i can do?
Also, I have a strong belief that she is scared to come back to me because of how bad i hurt her. Im pretty sure this girl is my soulmate. If you're really sure that she's your soulmate and you're willing to wait, if after you apply NC and she is still upset with you, that means that it may be still too soon and you have to give her even more time, continuing with NC for as long as necessary.
Hey Ryan, I just wanted to clarify that if my ex is still with her rebound after my 45 no contact period, that i should still not contact her until the other guy is gone? Also, do you have any other tips on what to do in the time being. Well, it would be better not to, although if she contacts you first, perhaps you could always start off as friends.
In the meantime, focus on improving yourself as a person. Take up a new hobby, get a climb on your career, go out with friends, even date around again. The last thing you want is to be caught still stuck at the same place down the road when she's moved way ahead of you. Thanks Ryan, I have moved on and I have been hanging out with other women. I don't believe my ex has moved very far ahead due to the fact that she never really dealt with our breakup rebound. It's frustrating to watch her make a fool out of herself with this new guy, her friends and others all question why she is still with him.
Hi Joe, unfortunately it's hard for you to do that without coming across as desperate and wanting her back. If you're on talking terms with her, you can always advise and tell her to be cautious of the relationship but I wouldn't do more than that. She was the one to break off the relationship.
Although, I was devastated and tried convincing we can make things work, I came to a point that of not replying to her because she was blabbering non-sence in her final set of msgs. I went to a NC, and after 2 months she contacts me again. I took it slow and talked with her. And understood that she is showing interest. However, after a while she went cold again. The same happened again twice within a period of 4 months. This was taking me through an emotional rollercoaster. But however, I went NC again. About a month ago, she send me a msg again asking how I am. I started to talk to her, she was really nice and comforting but with time she went cold again.
Unfortunately, I became a bit needy this time around. But recently I've heard that she seeing a guy. I'm hearing that she rushing into progress with the new guy. So what I your advice on this to me. I suggest you leave them be and continue with NC indefinitely. If she's in a rebound, she will eventually break up with the guy and the rushing into things may be a way to compensate for any negative emotions she might feel against you. The whole point of going into NC is to allow you to recover from any emotional hurt you might have faced as well as improve yourself. It's hard to do that if she keeps coming back to you but leaving you short each time.
Even if you want her back, you should be at a point where you're okay if she's back in your life, but also okay if she's not before trying for anything again. Thanks Ryan, Appreciate the fact that you had time to respond to me. Could I ask you why she's showing this kind of behaviour even though its been like 9 months since the break up? There may still be underlying feelings of resentment towards you regarding the overall negative emotions she felt during the relationship, but it's only speculation on my part.
If you really want to know for certain, the only way is to actually ask her about it.
That just hurt me really bad so i told him, "is that really the reason why? Well at the moment, there isn't much you can do because of it's never right to break a relationship up. If they're together, and has resorted to even blocking you on social media platforms, then it would better for the time being that you also move on. In the future if he ever breaks up with her and you still want him back, then perhaps you could try again but right now, I suggest applying the no contact rule. My girlfriend and I broke up in July, she was having some family issues, she gave me the reason that she wasn't good for me, that was why the breakup happened, so she isn't going to hurt me.
I followed the NC rule for 3 weeks, everything seemed to be working, she said she wanted us back, but she needed time. In October, she started dating someone. I'm about to follow the NC rule for second time, hoping it will work. If she says that she wants you back but got together with someone else, perhaps you could try to understand why it happened. Yes, apply NC again and don't interfere with their relationship and if it's a rebound, she will break it off eventually.
However, you shouldn't stay in one place for this period either not moving on and at least spend this time focusing on yourself by doing things like going out with your friends, perhaps even date again, and when the next opportunity presents itself if it does , at least you'll be emotionally prepared for it. Hello, I've noticed my situation maybe a little more entangled then some. My boyfriend and I have live together sharing a house for almost nine years. He suffers from bipolar disorder and has recently been going through Cycles very quickly.
He had met a woman on a singles website that he became friends with. Whenever he was feeling less than adequate or he and I were arguing he would go to that woman for validation that he's a great person and he's right. A long story short, we've been going through some very trying times and even the loss of a child. He is what I call a chronic Runner, always running from his problems and never facing hard feelings and emotions. About six weeks ago we got into a terrible argument.
He packed his things and he moved in with this woman. I still live in our home and we still communicate pretty much every day. He states that they are in a relationship because he feels he needs to stay at her house and he doesn't want to rock the boat. He says he wants his own place and is looking for a townhome.
He is very interested in what I'm doing and my well being. He has told me numerous times that he is still very much in love with me and that he does not love her at all. He likes her and appreciates the things that she does for him like allowing him to stay in her home.
He lies to her and comes over here and we'd even slept together. Both of us are grown he is almost 50 and I am Neither of us want to hurt anybody but I would love to work things out with him. Do we know contact is not going to work for us because as I stated we share a home together and most of his belongings are still here.
I will not prevent him from coming to his own house or even make that suggestion. It could be cause to feel paranoia that exist from his bipolar disorder.
Is Your Ex In a Rebound Relationship? Find Out With These Telltale Signs
Any advice you can provide would be greatly appreciated. He's extremely concerned that I might start dating and fall in love with someone. I've explained that I'm just not ready for this. He feels a lot of regret that he is living with somebody else but at the same time he knows he does not want to live in this house whether I were here or not. What steps do I take at this juncture? We are both very much in love with each other and he even mentioned that he thought perhaps this was just a break that we need but in my mind it's not doing anything to deal with the issues we had.
Thank you for your time and I hope to hear back. Since no contact and asking him to move out is out of the question, perhaps at a later given date when everyone has more or less calmed down from the situation, sit down and have a talk with him regarding the issues you guys faced and how you can work together to solve them. More importantly, he definitely has to let go of the other woman if you guys want the relationship to work since that will only serve as a constant obstacle and something for him to run to every time an issues arises.
Hey Kelvin I was with in relationship for almost 2 years. Everytime she given me a chance result was the same We fought And always I break her. Now finally she decided to end up the things on 18 Oct from 18 Oct to 21st Oct she was thinking why she has done this But I called her everytime she said she want some space and time still I called her Now she is just irritated with me On 23rd I said that I will not call you Now what I will do Does she will really miss me. I suggest you give her the space she wants and don't apply too much pressure on her. You've been together for two years and there's a chance she still loves and misses you but let her be the one to say she's ready.
And if you do get back together, please work on your recurring issues to make sure the relationship lasts this time. Dear Mr kevin please help me out, I have had been dating a girl for 5 months, she even told me that she will get married to someone else because she is a Muslim, for some time she got confused between me and him, but eventually decided to end with me after seeing my conversation on FB with my exes, I did not tell her about my past casual relationships, though I really am serious for her and think she is the last girl in my life.
I don't know what to do, but I really think I can't live without her, as far as no contact is concerned, I fear she might get engaged in a month, which she planned to postpone few weeks ago. She did ask me to live happily n let her go for her happiness before things got worse between us,the guy she's gonna marry is also professionally senior to me. I told her I rely love her and will wait for her forever but she's says she doesn't gives a damn n would never trust me coz I have been in many relationships before, moreover my ex did also call in front of her for no reason n she even doubted that.
I really love her, please help me. She even told me she is not going to cheat him by even talking to me or else he will be shattered n he left his girlfriend to marry her,things are all complicated. Right now, by going back to her, you're going to come across as needy and desperate and this will push her further away. If she is indeed planning to get married, your best bet would be to focus on recovery and working on yourself.
If she really loves you, she will come back eventually but it isn't something you should pressure her into because that doesn't work. I suggest applying the no contact rule in order to give yourself some distance from the situation and this might help you gain a fresh perspective. My bf and I were together for 1. We were really good together and had great chemistry. Two weeks ago though he break up with me because he said that he's not in love with me anymore..
On September I had to move out of town and the plan was that we were gonna be in a LDR for this year. By the beginning of June we were gonna live together. We were in our first month of LDR when he realised that he loves me but is not in love with me. It shocked me to hear that and after a lot of talking he finally admitted that he felt an attraction for another girl.. I knew her and I can guarantee you that there was nothing going on between the two of them before I left.
Actually we were crazy in love while I was still there. I'm sure about that. Anyway, I accepted what he said. I even told him that I would block him on fb cause it wound be to painful for me to see him with her. He said he understands. He did asked me to be friends but I said no. Eventually we said our goodbyes and I haven't contacted him ever since. I've stuck to the no contact rule. And then he posed a pic of his with her as his new gf. And of course he didn't do it on fb. No, he posted it on Instagram. Now I just unfollowed him on Instagram, because 1 he hadn't posted anything at all.
He had 0 posts and never really cared about it and 2 because he told me that he would delete the account. So I didn't thought it was necessary to block him there too. So imagine my surprise when my friend showed me that pic. Another thing I have to nention is that on fb we had no common friends. But on Instagram my friends follow him, and so does some of my family members.. So there was no way that I woudn't found out about his first post. And it was really out of his character! He never uploaded pic of us. And we were together for so long I know it sounds crazy but I fell that he did it on purpose.
Like he is angry at me because I haven't contacted him ever since the break up and wants to hurt me now or something.. Perhaps in situations like these, it would be best to actually ask him so as to not leave yourself jumping to conclusions? It may be likely he is currently going through a rebound which you can read up more here Long distance can be hard and if he can't be honest with you, it will also be very hard to initiate anything or progress.
Is Your Ex In a Rebound Relationship? Find Out With These Telltale Signs
First complete the no contact period to give yourself some space. Kevin, my ex cheated on me then dumped me for this person. They have only been dating for a month but already she says that she feels he is the one. Yet she said that she still feels that way about me.
After reading this, the signs point to this being a rebound and that's somewhat comforting. She's rubbed him in my face, she's staying with him. This person is the total opposite of me in every way. Recently she told me that we should be friends at first and slowly work towards getting back together.
I agreed to it, as long as we get back together. She already knows I want to. I want to believe there's hope but she hasn't messaged me in days. Do I do the no-contact routine again or what? If you have not done no contact till now, then you absolutely must do it for at least two months. She cheated on you which is a huge betrayal of trust. Even if you get back together, it will be hard for you to trust her again. Right now, you just want her back out of desperation and fear of losing her forever. These are not good reasons to get back together. Take your time and think things through.
By doing no contact, you will also show her that you are not desperate to get back with her, which is going to make her more attractive to you. It might even make her think about her actions and regret what she did. I was dating my collegue for about a year i felt like he was pulling away and things were changing. So i went onto no contact with him. He tried reaching out to me after 10days but I did not reply him. After my no contact was over I tried messging him with a nice memory we shared it did not show any needeness or any sign that I want him back.
But there was no reply from him. I waited for another 5 days and sent him a text still no reply. Why is he not responding? Did he loose intrest in me? Is he so mad at me that he is not reafy to speak with him at all? What should I do now? Yes, it does seem like he is mad. You should do no contact again for a couple of weeks. The next time you contact him, don't send a nice memory or a casual text. Instead, use a serious text.
Something like the elephant in the room text mentioned in this article. My ex broke me up a month ago now but we still keep in touch. We were so happy before and all of the sudden he found another girl. I know him he cant live with only one woman. I lived with him for many months and I took care of him like we were a couple.
Yes what he did was very humiliating, insulting and embarrasing. The lovely things he said to me before now after meeting the girl was totally opposite. He knows I love him so much. Lately, he said to me that the girl is a total opposite of me. But I dont believe him because he keeps lying to me. He wants to still keep in touch of me but I am not getting any affection from him anymore. One time he asked me if I still like him or love him. I dont feel the respect anymore.
Even if he said I am better than the other girl but they still keep seeing each other. I am now trying not to contact him. I kbnow I want him back and I know how unstable he is emotionally. What will I do? I was seeing this guy for 14 months. I love him and I know he loves me. Our plan was to move in together at the end of summer. During our relationship he would get mad over simple things and tell me that our relationship wouldnt work but he always came back.
This time he left and immediately started seeing some one less than two weeks later. I never contacted him at all and on Mothers Day he texted me. He says only to see if I had a good day. Of course the texting turned into my telling him that I loved him and wanted to be together. I was always very open and honest to him about my life and everything going on but he never truly opened up to me about anything. Now he is saying I always kept him at arms length which is so untrue.
He is still seeing this other girl. It is close to a month that we broke up He always broke up with me thru text messages never face to face. I havent texted him since sunday and it is now wednesday and he has texted me twice Kevin, got out of a drastic relationship after 5 years in December Jan met this girl but I was heartbroken. Kept her on hold for two years and now she dumped me the day I declared. Follow the 5 step plan. No one can say for sure if you have a chance or not, but if you think she is worth it, you should definitely try.
Good day, I have stumbled upon this site looking for answers. I was in a Long Distance Relationship with the most wonderful Girl recently, we talked and saw each other for about a year, but due to Life, it slowed down. Then out of the blue, she said she wasn't ready for it, which we were going as slow as we could. So I drove Five hours out of my way to find out what was happening and as it turns out she has found herself a new guy, who just "kinda showed up", and that she doesn't want to talk to me or even be my Friend, because she doesn't want to hurt us anymore than what she has.
I really don't know what to do or think. I've looked at your Five Steps to Breakups and don't know. I don't even want to talk to her, but I want her back and things just seem to fall apart without her. If you get the time to read through this, please, reply, I need help. I am sorry you are going through this breakup.
I recommend you follow the Ex Back Permanently Plan. Me and my boyfriend got together at 18 and in a relationship for 2 and a half years before he broke up with me two months ago very suddenly, we were very happy so i wasn't expecting it. He told me his reasons were because he's not enjoying work hes feeling low and just cant be in a relationship right now.
We saw eachother a few times after the break up just so i could ask some questions but when we met it was so nice we just caught up with eachother and had a laugh. Ive been using nc now for about 2 weeks. But it looks like he might be seeing someone hes know her his whole life, they breifly dated when they were 13 and have mutual friends and work near eachother im now questioning his reasons for the break up and if he actually rekindled with her or they started to talk after the break up.
Is there any chance this could be a rebound?
And do i have a chance of winning him back over? I feel like hes over me and moved on.
Here’s What You Need To Realize If Your Ex Moved On Quickly
If they just briefly dated when he was 13, then there's a good chance it's a rebound. You do have a chance of getting him back. But you should still do no contact and learn to be happy without him before trying. I was her rebound guy Now she is in new relationship She broke my heart in peaces And now 4 months later im still in shit and she is in love with him Oh Heck noooooo, If she's in a relantionship and having sex with some whatever, move on, leave, get yourself a nicer one, there are better ones believe me, let her keep on rebounding for the rest of her life then.
Kevin, Ive done everything wrong, I really wish I had read your article a month ago. When I found out my ex was in a new relationship I was still struggling with the breakup. Talk to your friends about your feelings. Meet them in person for coffee, or text them whenever you need to talk. Let them know if you need to vent or would like advice. Try to avoid talking to mutual friends, as they might inadvertently mention details about your ex. Journal about your thoughts and feelings. Keeping a journal allows you to work through your feelings on your own.
Forgive them if they hurt you. Forgiveness will give you the freedom to move on. Look for their good qualities in addition to the bad, and realize that they likely weren't trying to hurt you. Holding onto anger only punishes you. Remember the good parts of your relationship, as well as the lessons you've learned.
Although they hurt you, some good likely came from the relationship. Talk to someone about your feelings, such as a friend or therapist. Writing in your journal can also help you work through these feelings. You might even write a long letter to your ex about how they hurt you. Burn it or throw it away instead of sending it. You don't need to let the person back into your life. With forgiveness, you can actually let go of them forever, if that's what you want. Resist the urge to reach out via phone, text, or email. When you feel tempted, contact a friend instead.
If you must stay in contact with them because you share children, keep your communications focused on your children. Give yourself the time and space away from them you need to heal. I need my space. Unfollow them on all social media. It might feel scary to lose contact with someone who was once special to you. However, this will just make you feel crappy and make it hard to move on.
However, you need to eventually break those ties. You might even unfollow some of your mutual friends who often post about your ex until you're over the breakup. Avoid the places they frequent. Stay away from their favorite restaurants, coffee houses, and other haunts.
Visit places you used to enjoy before you dated them. Forgive yourself for your past relationship mistakes. Recognize the work you put into the relationship. When you devote time and effort to someone, it is okay to be sad when they move on and give to someone else want you possibly wanted. But instead of destroying everything around you, you may feel the need to cry alone in your room with a pint of your favorite ice cream. You can hide away if need be, but it is important to know that you will have to come out eventually.
Get out of the house or dorm every once in a while. Even just going for a walk or changing your scenery will help. Dedicate some time to make sure you are not alone. Yes, you might start freaking out when you see your ex with someone new. There is a reason you are no longer with that person. Now you are free from them and can go on to rule the world. Marissa is a senior psychology major and photography minor at Framingham State University. When she is not daydreaming, Marissa enjoys binge-watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer on Hulu and sleeping.
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