The main problem with the rightfully yours argument is that this Quranic statement has nothing to do with supporting dating intentions. Unfortunately, I have even seen parents use this argument to ease their mind or justify dating for their child. Instead of encouraging their child to focus on God continually They reason that it's better for their child to start a relationship with someone they know, especially if it's a submitter, rather than remaining single and being vulnerable to others.
Ahhhh, the submitter argument. We have all used this at one time for one reason or another. Surly, it can't be all that bad if two young and innocent submitters are dating? Actually, it's much worse since both are fully aware of the result of tempting God's advice knowingly.
Speaking of consequences, what does the Quran say about this issue? There are some very strong words used in reference to having sexual relations and deciding not to maintain your chastity knowingly.
Can We Date in Islam?
God uses the words transgressor, a sinner, a rejecter of faith, all your works will be in vain, and in the Hereafter you will be with the losers 5: These descriptions definitely caught my attention too! We are not talking about a simple slap on the hand. God mentions that all your works will be in vain. After putting these pieces of the puzzle together, the dangers of dating start becoming much more clear. Of course, we know that God is Most Merciful and is the acceptor of repentance.
But why should you bring yourself to the point of having to repent when you have the power to remain steadfast from the very beginning? Keep in mind also that the example you set when you date as a submitter is very damaging since you are supporting something that is against the faith you are practicing everyday. What explanation do you give to your little brother, sister, or submitter friends and youth who are striving along the path of submission with you? Where does this leave you? You are a single young and attractive submitter with your emotions and hormones revving in high gear. All you see around you are images of love, romance, passion and sex.
Your friends seem to go through dates like it's a fruit and you wonder if they are beginning to question your sexual orientation. The prospect of waiting to get married feels like a hopeless eternity. You begin to ask yourself why you should have to endure such temptation. The answer is very simple. God has blessed you with the light of submission while your friends and the rest of the world are dancing helplessly down a dark and dangerous path.
God has given you the chance to strive for an everlasting life that radiates with happiness and peace. Before you begin to feel sorry for yourself, ask yourself if you are willing to trade this awesome blessing for the temporary enjoyment your friends are experiencing? I don't think so. Your path is rare and requires you to work hard and strive. You have to demonstrate with your actions and intentions that you are worthy of being a submitter. You have to use all your strength, patience and faith to overcome the challenges that are testing your faith in God.
Passing your test can as simple as avoiding dating and controlling your physical urges. This feeling is extremely hard to tolerate and the challenge is difficult, but the outcome is worth every effort. Know that God does not burden you beyond your means. The weaker you feel, the more you are being signaled to pull yourself away from temptation and towards God. The beauty of God's system is that He not only rewards you for your efforts in the Hereafter but also showers you with all sorts of rewards in this life for your commitment.
God promises a deep and meaningful happiness that is far greater than any temporary romance can ever bring you. This relationship with God is strong and stays with you forever unlike the short relationships that bring quick pleasure but end in disappointment and emotional pain. For this reason, following the example of a submitter is a rare and beautiful honor that we should be proud uphold. Our example can be a source of inspiration and guidance for our friends.
After all, we know that everyone can date easily. But, who can demonstrate the strong character and personality that comes only from a meaningful relationship with God? It seems to me that any way I look at it, I see dating as being a harmful process for the soul no matter how you try to justify your action. How can we stay clear of such an attractive temptation that is so common among our circle of friends and community? The best way to avoid a dating situation starts by accepting God's advice from the very beginning without any hesitation or doubts.
This understanding means you leave no doubt in your mind that dating is out of the question for you. And i am still in the same place as i was last time. Not knowing what to do. I am so confused as to pertaining to Islam and our situation. What I said before if you read my reply again but let me quote it "Unless you guys are married, it's not cool. Islam doesn't approve of this because when you're ready to commit to a relationship it should be for a spouse that you want to spend the rest of your life with.
At such a young age, that might not be something you can grasp yet. You want to explore, you want to have fun and be free. It takes maturity and discipline to get to that level. In regards to this situation I would like to add that since you have strong feelings for him and aren't feeling closure, again you're still very young and at that age it's easy to get infatuated with people. The best I can tell you is to just better understand what Islam is all about. This boy that you were flirting with may have his own issues he needs to work out so it's best to give him some space.
Maybe one day he'll reach out to you, or maybe it's best to just move on. I don't really understand because Islam is telling you that you have to marry a random stranger and spend the rest of your life with them acting akward etc I know that islam is based on intention and fornication is what you are punished for if kissing leads the person to fornication and they think they will do it then they should get married also zina is love and not lust if you love somebody you wouldn't have sex with them before marrige and if you love them and value them you would get to know them first before marrige also you can also say fornication is what you are punished for not kissing or hugging.
I agree to you, hope there's a lot of people there that would also learn more on your blog. Thanks a lot Kim. I will definitely keep on churning out articles to the best of my ability. Feel free to share with your friends and spread the word! Like PhilAsify on Facebook! Man I really enjoyed this. I'm a Muslim and I know that I really like this girl. I want her to technically be my girlfriend. I know for a fact I wouldn't have sex until I am married.
I wouldn't touch her or really hold her hand, probably just hug her occasionally which isn't sexual at all. We would always have supervision if we were to be "hanging out". So in reality it's just a title. The boyfriend and girlfriend thing. Shouldn't that be allowed? Thanks for the comment. My take on what you said echoes what the article said: Why walk that fine line?
Why not just take the safer route and pursue her the halal way rather than the iffy way where you're always wondering in the back of your mind if you're doing things right or not. Wondering if Allah will be pleased with the way you're handling things or not? Cause the way Islam is, the option is not "hanging out" with a girl you like, it's marrying the girl to avoid any premarital hanky panky. A hug again may seem innocent but it can trigger the need for more contact. Shaitan always wants things to escalate. He wants hangouts with friends to be hangouts alone with the girl, he wants hugs to rush into kisses, he wants kisses to rush into sex.
But he gets no satisfaction when that guy and girl are married cause it's all good deeds then. Kissing is suddenly a good deed, touching, holding all of it is not a sin anymore and that'll piss him off but most importantly: If you really like this girl enough to see if she can be your mate then go that route. Ideally, you'd go to her parents and let them know your interest and court her. Get your parents involved, set something up, get to know eachother a little better through talking and if you guys click then don't hesitate and get married.
Doesn't matter if you're young, still a student and broke because I got married young 21 , still a student college sophomore and broke lived with my mom and dad! But the sunnah is to marry young! I really enjoyed your article. The biggest losers in this dating game are women, many men just date and take attention from them without taking their responsibility of future.
Good men will always go the right way by sending proposal and getting married. May Allah guide us!. Getting the perspective of a young person like u on this topic is truly inspiring. I don't feel alone anymore. I like this guy and he likes me. His religion doesnt let him date ag a young age. How old do u have to be to start dating. Im assuming he's Muslim since you posted this on an article regarding to Dating and Muslims. The age for dating shouldn't matter.
Ideally he isn't supposed to date in the modern sense at all. Courting is getting to know eachother and hanging out to see if you are compatible but with supervision so you don't get into kissing and other intimate things, saving it for marriage. If marriage is not on your mind right now but you like this guy, I suggest you just lay off of him and wait until you're older and more mature to come back to thinking about marriage. Dating isn't all that it's cracked up to be. Why can only males marry non Muslims? Seems unfair to me.
Is the love of a women not the same as a man's? Are we not all equals?
What's the difference of a man and a women or a christian and a Muslim? Do we not all believe in the same god? I'm not a scholar but from what I've learned the main reason is the preservation of the child's faith.
But it's really a lot more complex than that so I'll link you to a website that dives into the questions you had very comprehensively. I really don't know. Again just based off of my opinion there would just be a clash of faiths when marrying someone from a different religion. A Muslim woman marrying a non-Muslim Male may have difficulties keeping and following her religion. Her husband may want her to eventually convert to his faith, or would want her not to pray, or to stop wearing the headscarf and to serve and pork and alcohol.
It'd just be a messy situation for the most part which in general is why most of the time interfaith marriages don't work out. I'd check that article out again that I linked because it answers it way better than I could. What happens if we did all this already. Not going sexual but hugging and holding hands.
Is there any chance of forgivenes. I'm ready to stop everything. I dont want to be with the losers in the hereafter. Of course there is. If you are ready to stop everything like you say and turn back to Him and ask for forgiveness, then He will certainly let all of your mistakes in the past go and wipe your slate clean. Pursue a mate using the proper channels. Do not despair of the Mercy of Allah: Turn to your Lord in repentance and bow to His Will, before the Penalty comes upon you: He is a very decent man but we both are young he is a muslim and so am i.
If you just want my honest advice, tell this boy that if he really wants to prove himself, he should go through the proper channels. If he says no or starts backtracking or wanting to keep it just between us, tell him "don't bother" and move on away from him. You say he's Muslim then he should try approaching this the Muslim way. If a Muslim male is interested in a Muslim female, go through the parents and let them know his intentions.
Then you guys can meet and have little "halal dates" with your parents aware and present at a distance for you two to talk and get to know one another. If you two click, and are mature enough to go all the way, then let your parents know and get moving on to the next step: Tell him it's this way or the highway. Even though it wasn't exactly what I was looking for, it did help me out a lot in enforcing what I already believe. Maybe you can answer some of my other questions. I do go to school and I have been working part time at a call center for the past 2 years.
I keep to myself at work which is why I am having a hard time coming to terms with events that have occured recently.
- How Young Muslims Define 'Halal Dating' For Themselves.
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There is a Male that has been giving me way too much attention for my liking. I hear from aquaintances at work that he's asked if I'm married and he compliments me by saying you look nice today and never fails to say hello and goodbye when I am comig into work and leaving. I thought those were innocent and would lead to nothing because they have happend before but I was wrong because just a few weeks ago he handed me a note explaining that he thinks I am beautiful and he wants to ask me out but is afraid I will say no and blah blah blah!
I was really shocked and asked myself, "what are we in 1st grade writing notes like this? And that worked for a few days I guess but today he asked me out right if I was married. I consulted with my sisters on the matter and they told me to lie and say I was. I am not a good liar so I just said no. I am afraid the next question will be, "Can I take you out sometime? I honestly don't know what to say. Obviously yes is not an option but I have never thought about how to explain to a non-muslim why I cannot date.
Let me just clarify that he and everyone else in the office knows of my faith because I do wear hijab. Also the dreaded non-muslim Valentines day holiday is coming up and my workplace is doing candy and balloon deliveries and co-workers have hinted that he plans on getting them delivered to me and I am just at a loss as to what to do. I feel like I am leading this clueless guy on by not rejecting his advances but at the same time I dont know how to do that. Sorry for the essay length description of my dilemma but I am not good at the whole "long story short" thing.
Thanks for any advice! That's a big block of text: First off thanks sister for coming across my blog. I haven't written articles in a while but still get comments, likes and views so Alhamdulilah for that and Inshallah bookmark this page and share it with your friends because inshallah really soon I will get back to writing regularly on various topics.
As for your question and situation. I'm not a scholar or trained in this. I'm just a Muslim writer with my own opinions so that's the best I can give you. Take it or leave it, it's up to you. You just have to muster up the courage and be blunt with the guy, but nicely. Tell him that you mean no disrespect but that he should stop with the flirting and nudging you because you're Muslim and its part of your faith that you do not flirt and mix with the opposite gender.
You have to tell him that plain and simple. No beating around the bush. I do have to ask: Are you interested in this person at all? Because then that changes everything. I know of and witnessed many sisters who have been pursued by non-Muslim men and the Man eventually became Muslim -- Not just to be with the girl because that'd be wrong to do but because they were interested in the female, the sister would inform them about Islam, spark their interest and they would wind up truly believing in it and accepting Islam and then marrying that Sister.
The flip side is there are others who accept Islam superficially just to marry and be with the sister and that creates long and short term problems. You have to remember that whether you like it or not--especially because you wear the hijab openly--you are a Information kiosk for Islam everywhere you go and when the opportunity presents itself, you have to properly--to the best of your ability--explain the religion to those who are ignorant to it. Whether just for their knowledge, for people to respect you or for people to get off your back when you're in an uncomfortable situation like a non-Muslim man persistently trying to pursue you.
After you do explain yourself to him and politely tell him off, maybe he'll leave you alone. Maybe he'll be a gentleman and back off and have a newfound respect for you. Who knows until you tell him and put an end to it. Either way, it's best that you inform him the best that you can and however he takes that information, it's on him. I am occasionally accused of word vomit and I was typing on my phone so I didn't think to add spaces between paragraphs; that probably would have made it easier to read lol sorry.
I do want to say that I will definitely be reading and sharing your blog Inshallah. Your material includes humor and facts with a side of opinion; its great! I have read a few other posts since I came across this one and I will continue because I do love a great blog. Secondly, thanks for the prompt reply. I really thought I wouldn't get a reply fast enough and have to seek answers elsewhere, So I do appreciate that even though you haven't written recently you still reply to your readers.
I was afraid you'd say that I would have to be blunt but I guess in order to really get him to stop bothering me I eventually must educate him on my faith and why it does not allow meaningless dating. You really did put it in a way that makes it easier for me to explain to him. I know you said its up to him how he takes it but I am worried about his response. If you can't tell already I hate confrontations. In any case, I am willing to say this to get him to understand and if you really think about it, I am doing him a favor.
In case he happens to be in this situation again in the future, he'll know how to handle it. To answer your question, I am not interested in him. I mean don't get me wrong, he is very nice and sweet and definitely stands out from the general male population because of his personality. I have heard a few negative things about him and his other relationships but who knows if its true or not.
I work in a high school like environment where gossip is the main past time. Putting all that aside, other than working at the same place, we have nothing in common. Anytime we do talk, nothing he says sparks my interest. I like how you referred to women who wear hijab as "information kiosks. But the most I have had to explain to non-muslims over the years is why I wear hijab and the like or why some muslim women do and some don't. I just haven't had the practice of explaining the dating aspect of Islam.
Dating & Frienship | ajypeges.tk - Your best source for Submission (Islam)
And you are very much correct when you say that it puts me in an uncomfortable position! I mean this has been weighing on me for a while. But now I know that I do need to put an end to it and how he reacts shouldn't really affect me at all. You have been a really big help and I look forward to reading more of your posts! Not a problem, Sis! And just to add.
I know exactly what you mean about the high school like environment of a call center. I worked for two years at a call center during college and I used to joke with friends about the job telling them "It's basically high school with a paycheck. And yup on the note passing thing.
Happened to me their too. Women 10 years older than me proposing one night stands via note passing. Homosexual men passing notes to me as well. But yeah, may Allah make it easy for you and don't sweat his reaction. Sometimes we tend to overthink things and picture the worst-case scenario and it stagnates us when really things end up going really smoothly.
Happens to me when I had stage fright doing presentations and public speaking and when I would worry about how someone would react to me giving them my two cents. Nine times out of ten things go great or they take it well. I am in a place in my life where I don't even know if I'm Muslim anymore. I am a girl, and I stay in the house all day, and only get out for school. I don't have friends. All I want now is love. I don't know If I'm blinded by the hollywood romance, but I do really want to fall in love, and be with an amazing man.
I don't want to be set up in a marrage by my dad. I want to be able to say "this is the man I love and the man I want to spend the rest of my life with". My dad, just wants to marry me off to a random stranger, and he is nost willing to wait until I am ready. He wants me to get married as soon as possible because culturlly, women need to get married at a younge enought age meaning no more than I don't know if my dad choosing my husband will be right. My parents where in an arranged marrage, and their marrage is falling apart. Marriage by definition is a voluntary union of two people. The choice of a partner by a Muslim virgin girl is subject to the approval of the father or guardian.
This is to safeguard her welfare and interests. The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said: Though love is something nice, and it is recommended for a man to marry a woman whom he loves, because the Prophet, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, said: The most important characteristic is religious commitment. The Prophet, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, said: Choose the one who is religious, may your hands be rubbed with dust [i.
Dear brother in Islam, we hope that the main points of the issue have become clear. On what basis would you like to choose your partner? If the lady you want to marry is religious, of good manners, and obeys Allah and His Messenger, and both of you want to please Allah in this world in order to earn reward in the Hereafter, then you have made a perfect choice, and we ask Allah to fulfill your hopes and bring you together in a good way. If she is not, then you should reconsider your choice.
May Allah help you to do what He loves and what pleases Him! Islam does not allow anyone to be forced into marriage. At the same time, the parents or guardians of the youth are responsible to find the best of matches for their children. This involves knowing first of all, your own child and second of all to know about the potential spouse, and also very important — to know the family and their ways, before recommending marriage.
There is an Arabic proverb that says: Arranged marriages, on the other hand, are based not on physical attraction or romantic notions, but rather on critical evaluation of the compatibility of the couple. That is why such marriage often proves successful. The West makes fun of the Islamic way of marriage, in particular arranged marriage. Yet, the irony is that statistically arranged marriages prove to be more successful and lasting than romantic types of courtship. This is because people are blinded by the physical attraction and thus do not choose the compatible partner.
One can just bring mediators from within the family, i.
But we have to emphasize that it is not lawful to compel a girl to marry someone she does not want. Salatul Istakharah the prayer for letting Allah to choose for you , is the most important and most effective way to find what will make you the happiest and give you the best partner for your life here and in the Hereafter. I wish you read next lines with open heart and mind. Get help from other contributes of the page. Working in groups is encouraged by Islam. Indeeed… we as Muslims.. Still, we behave as ignorant. We do these things so easily that r actually forbidden in our Deen. I really appreciate people or groups like you..
A proper guidance is required.. Good information and its clear. Islam is actually a very beutiful religious and really teach human to the best ways present n future…. The Islam concept of these things is really beautiful and make you love to be muslim even more and more …. But I wish that our community would understand this too.