And you need to have your own identity beyond your spouse. One of the biggest lies of our culture is that attraction is solely about appearance. If you can just get your hair, abs, complexion, and clothes just right, then The One will scamper to you like a squirrel to a nut factory. However, attraction runs much deeper than looks.
And unsuccessfully trying to catch up. We all have values that direct us and help us make decisions — problem is most of us have never articulated what those values are. Not all values are the same and sometimes you can have two very good people with very good values, but those values can feel at war with each other. Both values are good, but if not articulated and discussed it could be a point of high conflict if the responsible person likes consistency and persistence, while the risk-taker likes changing things up and going for the impossible.
Take me for example, one of my core values is authenticity. I struggle being in a job, friendship, situations, etc. Thus my career path has been anything but straight-forward, which could drive any sane person crazy. Thankfully, my wife has been very supportive because she knew this was the way I was wired from the beginning and it aligns with her core beliefs, as she enjoys change and pursuing things off the beaten path. Are you fitting and conforming to some abstract idea of what you think they want? Or are you blossoming and flourishing into who you really are?
Is your partner trying to force you to become like some figment of their unrealistic dating imagination? Or are they challenging you to become a better, authentic you? Not trying to change you, but trying to bring the best to the top.
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However, for many of us our fallback communication plan will be the one our parents laid out for us. Holidays, especially, are giving you a glimpse into how your partner has been taught and trained.
Here are 30 questions to ask a guy you're dating to get to know him better - HelloGiggles
Your partner can look and smell like a rose, and yet continue to prick you with their sharpened barbs. What are you looking for? Do they make you laugh? Would they get along with your friends and family? Do you even have time to commit to growing a relationship right now? Do they fit in with the picture you have for your future?
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Do you have physical chemistry with them? Are you willing to take the chance of getting your heart broken?
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