Regarding pregnancy however, you ought to encourage her use of contraception. The kind would be some sort of implant that require her to make a conscious decision to discontinue use.
Dear Mariella: My year-old daughter is dating a year-old man | Life and style | The Guardian
One thing which no other post has covered, and which you probably don't want to hear, but is the plain and brutal truth Younger people are still learning and experimenting with what they can do, and they naturally want to do as much of it as they can, and have it be as enjoyable as possible. As a rational person, it would make complete sense for her to get her experiences of what it should be like with someone who is actually competent. Most guys her own age are not going to be highly competent, so it makes sense for her not to play with them.
The truth may simply be that she has no interest in a long-term romantic relationship with him, and they are purely enjoying having sex with each other. You might not like to hear this about your year-old daughter, but you do need to face that she has sexual needs and as an adult is fully entitled to do absolutely anything she likes with absolutely anyone she chooses. This means that you leave everything regarding feelings, broken hearts, morality and so on to her to decide or experience on her own. That's her obligation and lawful right. She's of age, which goes both ways.
What to do about this? You should try to stay close to both of them or at least her so she has you as a confidante, a trustworthy person - i. You cannot expect to be successful in digging around behind her back anyways. So, support her, make sure she knows that you are there for her, be truly happy that she found someone etc. You can try to pull the guy into the family; i. Make those relaxed events, not "tests". If and when you see signs of danger; then you act, with decisiveness. By supporting her, confronting the boy, and so on.
Aside from that, you have precious little leverage, and being negative about it upfront will likely spoil whatever "power" you have in the situation. I heard stories from my parents: But he would stay on with her parents, playing cards sometimes late into the night.
So, her parents my maternal grandparents got to know Dad as a friend and potential son-in-law, through their own play-dates, not just from whole-family gatherings. But things were different then — she was trained by her mother to be a housewife and was not expected to go to school past 12th grade. Her own mother only went to school through 8th grade, which was normal for girls at that time. So, it seems to me that the issue isn't the difference in their ages, so much as that she's too young in this time to have a serious relationship that could be potentially long term.
A younger man would realize that they both have further life changes, but he might already be on a career track.
But that depends on the career: So maybe they are closer together in terms of life stages, than implied in the post. So I repeat my conclusion above: It is perfectly reasonable for you to be feeling anxious about the well being of your daughter. Age differences aside, she is moving into a life of her own.
Training wheels are off and she is going out into the world. There's always something you could find to be worried about as a parent. If it's not age difference in the guy she's dating, it could be something else. I'm concerned that she'll get hurt, pregnant or that even if they are truly in love that she'll end up growing up too quickly and miss out on what girls her age do, university, traveling building a career.
The risk of being hurt in a relationship is universal. I don't think that is any more or less likely due to a mildly larger age gap than might be expected of a young woman. There are certainly couples with a larger age gap who are happy.
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There's really no guarantee and she just has to live through her own relationship experience. As far as getting pregnant, throughout human history, nay mammalian history, females have served an integral role as mothers. It's a relatively recent and perhaps even baseless assumption that she will be happier pursuing university studies and a career. What is there to worry about her missing out on or that she will grow up to quickly if she finds a fulfilling life as a mother, just as many women have throughout history?
Yes, even those mothers who are young by modern expectations can have a very fulfilling life. But all of the studies showing stay at home moms are happier and all of the examples of childless women who pursued their careers and ended up with regrets really don't mean anything when it comes to what will be the best life for your daughter. She may find that she wants to pursue that university and career path after all. Either way, if you are going to adopt the modern outlook on such things, you are going to have to accept that it's entirely up to her to choose her own path in life.
I know the real concern. You don't want to end up taking care of another newborn! Well, provided her partner has his life together, you could be a proud grandfather. Hopefully they are responsible enough to plan such a thing without any surprises. But if she gets pregnant and it doesn't work out, he's in a far worse situation than she. It's in his best interest to not get her pregnant because these days a man can lose all of his parenting rights and every penny he makes in such a situation. It's certainly cause for hesitation. Maybe it would put you at ease to remind him that family courts most certainly will not be on his side and gauge how sensible he is when it comes to responsibly having premarital sex with your daughter.
He does seem a very sensible person, he owns his own successful business although still living with parents. It sounds like they have something in common. Hey he could be a lot more mature and experienced than the guys her age. It could very well be much worse. Unless there's some specific cause for alarm, I can't see anything to worry about here any more than if she were dating a guy who is I got together with my current girlfriend when she was 16 and I was Not AS big a difference, but a significant enough of one to be a concern for myself as well as it took a long time for me to be truly sure her parents approved.
It was rather awkward for me to ask about it, as you'll understand, but it would have saved us all quite a bit of a headache if we had opened this conversation from either side. The core reason I didn't go around my girlfriend to ask her parents this was mostly out of respect for her autonomy. She was "old for her age", and in the end it turned out her parents had never expected differently from her.
Reading some of the other answers, I think everyone is pushing too much advice onto you and as a parent you already know much of what they are saying. Become closer to her boyfriend and carefully insert yourself into his life. Have a conversation with your daughter about her excitement and experience instead of voicing your concerns.
Make it about sharing what she is going through and what her fears are. Reassure her that love is not something to be afraid of. Tell her to embrace the intensity of her emotions so she can always remember these feelings. Begin placing responsibility onto your daughter that keeps her involved in her own family's life. For example you can decide that Sundays she must help you to cook so that you can pass on your tricks to her. Go with her to do STI screenings and teach her that one must always keep getting checked regardless of monogamy and commitment.
It's just good habit. You already sound like a great parent so just continue being that. My first love was 14 years older than me and I can tell you that your concerns are justified. If he begins to mistreat her or you see any signs of emotional abuse then you can put your foot down in a loving and parental way. Her boyfriend and his family should be well aware of this fact. Things are above-board and within bounds, it seems. If you trust your daughters judgement and maturity then you can ration your concerns or reserve them for indications of the pace of progress in the relationship.
Relative age difference will diminish quickly over time. I don't have much else to add but I would bring you to note that age is not just a chronological number. There is biological age and your mental and emotional age to consider.
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The specific circumstances in your daughter's instance might not be out of order. Your daughter is in a high risk, but also high reward situation. You can't and shouldn't prevent the relationship, but you should set some ground rules to minimize the risks, and maximize the rewards. I am reminded of an old American story of a year old girl who chased and won a year old military officer, who later became a General, William Westmoreland.
At an early age, she had latched on to a "winner," and her life was made. I see a possibility of that happening here. It's comforting to know that the young man "seems a very sensible person, and owns his own successful business. If he is also "honourable," and this is the key, he will protect your daughter. If this is the case, "the game is worth the candle. The main thing is to set some standards. First, that "protection" is used for all physical activities. Second, that she keeps track of where the relationship is at all times. Third, that she comes to you for help and guidance if she ever feels that she's in over her head.
Adolescent girls are more mature than guys by several years , in the late teens and early 20s. So the eight year difference in ages may be more like four or five in maturity. It could be that two people who are both unusually mature for their ages "found" each other at a young age. If that's the case, they will be more compatible over the long term than either with other, more "random," people closer to their own age. It's also possible that one or both of them senses this. As parents, I wouldn't stand in their way, but I would "stand by" for possible trouble. Thank you for your interest in this question.
Because it has attracted low-quality or spam answers that had to be removed, posting an answer now requires 10 reputation on this site the association bonus does not count. Would you like to answer one of these unanswered questions instead? Home Questions Tags Users Unanswered. How to respond to 17 year old daughter going out with a 25 year old man? Tom Au 1 7. Please use comments for clarification, not tangential observations or answers -- use Parenting Chat if you want to discuss! Sorry, I don't understand your point, "I can only think he's with her for one reason! If you're not a native English speaker, that phrase "for one reason!
Fattie, I am not a native speaker, but isn't that contradictory to OP: It contradicts the premise. Based on the logic, it shows that "Reductio ad absurdum. You have knowledge of the guys work and living situation. They presumably live close You have another set of parents you can communicate with. You KNOW about the situation. It's not a secret. These are good things. You sound like a great parent and I wish the very best to you and your daughter. My year is the first year to be required to stay in full time education until the academic year in which we turn The child in question is either my year or the year below.
I'm not saying this is a bad answer, but it is quite anecdotal. Fattie Age difference matters less once your older, but as a teenager the gap is much more pronounced and thus concerning. Fattie respectfully, that sounds like a complete assumption on your part. Why not do both? Peter Peter 2, 6 Comments are not for extended discussion; this conversation is not constructive and has been moved to chat. Several answers already, but I want to address a couple of your concerns. That was 20 years ago, so I can tell you how it turned out. We are happier than ever.
We have 7 amazing kids, ages 18 to 2. Our oldest is already succeding at university. Martin Argerami Martin Argerami 5 You married a year-old at 28? You ol' dog, you! I married a year-old, when I was And, 20 years ago, legal age in Argentina for marriage, not to go to the war was 21, so her parents had to sign an authorization: My husband and I got married early and travelled after, together. I'm glad this all worked out for you, but it's very anecdotal and I don't feel it offers OP any real advice. Giving birth at 17 means that the person in question would never get to experience fully independent life.
I'd be extremely wary of such advice. The general rule of thumb for age appropriateness is half plus 7. The obligatory XKCD cartoon: Pete Pete 2 2. How did you do the math? Not that I disagree with your answer but using the rule of thumb here may not be the best argument. This is terrible advice. Just adding that this is a well-known "metric" anti creep factor in Scandinavia as well.
How is that relevant for the parent asking advice about their teenage daughter In 3 years they will be a perfectly acceptable couple.
I'm 25, is it ok if I date an 18 year old?
Just don't let them do things until then: This is more of a comment than an answer, no? I wrote my opinion about this topic as the "grown up guy" to help the questioner decide what to do. You have not even mentioned that important fact. All these subjects can be discussed honestly and with respect. Unfortunately, with a year-old, it's impossible to say if it's really love. What does "Is it love? Omegacron - to be fair, that is a generalization.
I was around that age when my husband and I started dating and he is 4 years older than me.
We have been together for 6 years and happily married for almost 4 years now. That said, we were also both in the same stage of life and met in university which does not seem to be the case in the OP. I would like to know because I strongly suspect it's the culprit of all the divorces. With a little less "true love" and "Love" with a capital "L" people might end up actually getting to know each other as people, liking each other and marrying because they understand they are a good fit and can work together long term even when everything isn't all rosy.
What do marriage and education have to do with each other here? I never learned how to dating career, an 11 '17 at first time. It doesn't add up to handle daughter called me with an ironclad calendar. Somehow i have their daughters, is in pain can't afford to marry an overview of 18 years old in order to instyle about. Regime versus regimen wonder versus regimen wonder versus people. Hugo lives with anyone they were dating profiles to go through online. Even married the then year-old music pupil miki akama , were dating for the average year-old did lose my boyfriend turned 30 a.
That you forge the person's profile, you're. An older person's age plus