It depends on what you mean by poorer I would assume we come from very different lifestyles. I always have to walk on eggshells with poorer people, in terms of hobbies. Yes, I'm a girl from what people call a 'rich family', but I've dated people who come from middle-class families. It's kinda hard to avoid, as majority of people are middle-class.
Would you date someone poorer than you?
I've been working at my current job for 3 years. Every guy I've dated since I got that job has made less money then me and in some cases a lot less money. Not a big deal. I wouldn't support someone who's too lazy to work. But poorer meaning if I were a millionaire, would I date someone who wasn't.
Yes, as long as he still has an income that's enough for himself, and not a gold digger. Take her to an interesting date of her life, she might accept you as more than what your financial status is about. If you really love that person it doesn't matter about the money it matters how much you love them. I agree with you AU, but neither of us are working. We are students in a very demanding field that doesn't allow time for jobs. I would certainly give it a shot!
If our personalities our compatible, I would see if our lifestyles are too! Having said that, I don't think I could be with a guy who's lazy. If my guy is broke because he comes from a poor family, or because the economy's down, or because he's having trouble getting a high paying job that's fine- but if he's lazy and chooses not to work and tries to rely on me, I couldn't be with him.
Yeah, I have before and I will continue to do so. I personally believe that money and financial status shouldn't determine whether or not someone is a perfect connection for me or not, I know some people do it and they are entitled to their opinions , I just don't share the same philosophy. As long as they are a hard worker and willing to try to improve themselves, why should their income decide my interest or not? I would if I found her character and values to not be detrimental.
Not to sound elitist, but not all people on financial hard times are pure circumstance alone; some made poor choices, or continue to make poor choices, or have life values that may tread them towards being low on the socio-economic scale such as having lots of kids outside of marriage.
Women don't date men who have less money or from a lower class than men. Even if they do miraculously, it doesn't last long. Money is very important for women when it comes to dating. I'm lower middle class so anything poorer then me is BAD. I want a girl at least at my income level and with a college education like me.
Most women wouldn't, but guys are always willing to date someone poorer than them. I take responsibility for allowing things to get to where they are. He has no interest in looking for a job and even if he did he would probably not earn much. So my choice is either to pay for his education, ask my dad to help him to actually start a real business or to leave.
I choose the latter as of this moment that is. Sam, plz leave him while you still have a shred of dignity left. It is not a healthy relationship at all and if he really loves you, he will at least be sensitive with your needs. You are a very empowered woman and you deserve a man who will love you right because you trully deserve it believe me. I will pray for you and hope that you find the courage to decide that you deserve nothing but the best because God loves you.
Hi, Some of my friends have dated similarly unemployed men and to tell the truth — the love the drama. They may complain, but they never leave their men because it gives the drama in life and something to talk about. It will not get any better, it will get worse. I have been where you are now. I am so happy now. I own my own home, brand new car, credit card, all the stuff I need and want. But, I refuse to have a man who will take advantage of me financially, period.
You will look back and realize after leaving him, you will feel so much better. You can help him find solutions — job referrals, grants, social services, etc. If you let him know that and cut off the money supply, his true personality will be apparent. Stay strong, good luck, and please let me know how it goes. You give him money. I too, have the same feelings about my last relationship. We still remain best friends today, but he really wants to get back together. There were times where I gave him money during our relationship some was a a loan, some just little stuff for gas or food because I felt so bad for him.
He also craved affection. For a long time, I ignored my own feelings and made myself believe that many of the things he said were gospel. One day I finally woke up. Yes he does work and have a car….. This speaks volumes about my own self-esteem. This morning I had an epiphany on why I am no longer sexually attracted to him. He drives a car costing month! He blames market mortgage industry crash and his divorce. This is also the short story.. I have always sometimes reluctantly worked, and bring in average wages.
Anthough I do not live for money, I understand that it is a necessity to have some money, just to live… or else you are living of charity essentially. Now I never previously cared if a partner of mine had money or not, until now, since I have been dating someone for 3 months, who has no money. Tara, thanks for writing. That said, a date can be free — there are free days at museums, gallery openings, street festivals, open mike nights at nightclubs, etc. Still, kind acts are free; I hope he gets with the program!
Interesting whats written, i have been dating this guy for abit more than a month, he said he is a freelancer designer and director infact he is but he is not doing great business as such market is tight at our place. I am 24 with degree and good stable earning he is 26 have an art certificate.
I paid for most dinners and food plans we have a plan to go out of the country for new year and i think its on me: He knows the problem and looking for a job but this is tiering. I would like some input as to how I can turn down someone, without seeming like a horrible person. I met someone online, we had a lot in common and messages back and forth were funny, full of great conversation, really good stuff.
He lives in a rooming house with 4 other people and they share a landline phone. I had made it clear in my profile that I wanted to meet someone with whom I could purchase a home so that I can run my home-based business efficiently divorce put paid to that, but I could go half on a suitable place. He thinks we have what it takes to get along romantically, says he still wants to meet and that I will change my mind.
However, because I was raised to be polite and not ignore people, I would like to know how to turn him down without coming across like an awful person. Tina, thanks for commenting. Yes, you can agree that there may be many things you share in common although he is saying that; are you?
But if he balks at that, I would certainly question why. And that is not being impolite. Hi I been living with. Guy for 3years he has not being working since , he drive my car I pay for his medical insurance food and cell phone allowance and I help him with pocket money he says if I love him I can give him loan or open a business for him, he says he is tired of watching me me being rich and eating my money, is it my resposibility to help him with opening.
The bigger question is, do you want to? Is there a plan in place to become more equal partners if you want that? Are you having those kinds of conversations — and can you have them without conflict? If you loan him money for a business, what is his plan to pay you back and is it a viable business, and is he a good businessman? As of now, sadly I am unable to work as an old injury i sustained when i was in school got worse, and now i am on disability, pay my bills, have my own place, but as it said in the article, i get zero replies as i am looking for a long term relationship since i would rather not spend the rest of my life on my own.
If you see someone who is greedy, then it reflects in someone who wants someone who will look for someone who has a lot of money.
I know that is contrary to a lot of what i have been seeing, but i have been looking around so much, and it is all i have been seeing from so many posts on many different sites, greed, not security or stability. If someone wants to be stable, i applaud them for being honestly stable, but to turn away and scoff at people because others thing they are a burden?
Do not get me wrong, just because i have not found anyone i am not calling foul and unfair to single myself out, but when it is more than just myself, then it is worth calling foul. My question is, is it wrong to date someone who is disabled? There are even dating websites geared toward disabled people.
I saw all the things he could do. He was disabled in an accident as a child. He said he wished he could take me some place better. I loved him completely. Been there, done that.
Why You Should Date Someone Who's Poorer Than You
Nothing but sea robins and spidercrabs in that murky water. I dont even cast my line anymore. But, That doesnt seem stop them from trying to jump into my boat. So I end up in alot of situations where women make their availabilty known in an effort to induce me into ask them out. But I am a MGHOW if you dont know what that is google it so asking a woman out is out of the question and rejecting women does indeed give me a thrill. So, When I catch women eyeballing me, I politely initiate a conversation with some mundane question. It may not seem like much but to a woman her self esteem is shattered.
I consider that my good deed for each day. Snubbing these self entitled, self absorbed, narcissitic sociopaths is the highlight of my day and I recomend that every attractive man in this country indulge in this practice as often as possible. Its the least these worthless whores deserve. Do it for the community, do it because its right and do it because its fun. It doesnt matter why you do it as long as you do it. Thanks for writing, Brian. I can understand that you might be depressed by your romantic prospects; that said, that might be working against you in finding a partner.
There are some women who would want to be married to a SAHD and others who would be open to flexible arrangements; those are the women you need to find. To do that, you might need to reframe your story and attitude, and embrace the great skills and nurturing personality you have. That is very attractive to many women. He died a year ago and I was injured six months ago. First, please try to take as much care of yourself physically and intellectually as you can squeeze in. I know how hard it is to squeeze seconds. If history is hard to face, maybe something in related fields or something brand new.
Practice being friendly with everybody — men, kids, dogs, as well as women until it feels normal again. You might expand to somebody a little older or financially secure. Most women I know value character more than anything. Those same women are looking for brains and interest in the world. If he loves you he will get a job of some sort and be a man who will contribute. I wouldnt really care if he made less than me. Motivation and getting out there and trying to help pay bills or get you a cheap christmas present that he bought with what he had…. Anyone can sit and cry and be a taker. Most men want to contribute.
Could not have put it more perfectly. I am a female making above average wages. My boyfriend of 3. We were afforded the same opportunities but I have moved up in pay drastically in a few short years, mostly because I have worked my ass off and demanded more. I have worked very hard to put myself in a position to spend money as I please and he makes comments about my spending habits that bother me.
We have recently started talking marriage and are nowhere on the same page for the price of the ring. Yes, he is a pretty great guy, for the most part. I just want to see some kind of determination to better himself in any way, which I have not. Then he started applying to jobs where he actually makes LESS!
Not the most important but it is definitely important. I was in the same situation but I was married to my husband for 17 years. We got together after High School and had 2 kids. I earned double what he did and I too earned my wages in a short time frame in 4 years by working my ass off and demanding more. He kept getting more and more into debt too. We are separated now and the way he still treats me after our break up proves to me that I made the right decision to leave.
Well ladies, it works both ways. What do you bring to the table besides sex? Apparently some women think just having a vagina is enough. You must have a steady job with a good attendance record. Single motherhood, in most cases, is a sign of irresponsibility and making bad choices. I see personal ads online with huge lists of requirements then see a morbidly obese, tatooed single mom making the demands.
Of course us men must appreciate you as you are, jellyrolls of fat included.
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We are supposed to be so flexible and understanding while most of you accept nothing less than perfection from a man. Ah, the double standards of feminism! Now, 40 percent of women are the breadwinners in their family, thanks to feminism, and there are more than a million men who are SAHDs. Really, no one wants to go back to the days when women had to marry for financial security. I know you wrote this in February, but I needed to chime in. Feminism has done some nasty things to our ever so evolving society.
I am not going to lecture you here about my views, since persuading such a perspective is ever rarely listened to, however I will say that it is true that women are able to rise to sky in every financial facet and are now capable of showing supremacy over a household. With that said, there is no denying that, because of this, there is and will be more men who will not want to marry in fear of divorce and of a growing presence of emasculation. For those not familiar with this paradigm, It would be wise to take a step back and give this some thought…Yes, times have changed either for the better or for worse, but there is no denying there is a gender role struggle.
There is nothing wrong with being a SAHD. I have no problems there. However, it is natural for a man most to have instincts that motivate his sense of purpose — to be the provider, bread winner, protector of his family. Take that away from him, and the result is… A man who will accept his fate as the men who equate themselves to anything less than satisfactory — without aspiration. Thanks for commenting, 3rd Derivative. You are boxing all men into a narrow view of masculinity: And, for the record, feminism did not strip those traditional-minded men from their jobs or fates — technology, job outsourcing, the decimation of unions, the Great Recession, etc.
Nothing is stopping you or any other man from having that reality. Find a woman who wants you to be the breadwinner and provider, and wants to be what you want her to be, and go have a happy life. I wish you the best. I appreciate the reply back. But to answer your question, of course — I agree with you. They can bring home an income and be wonderful caregivers for their kids, but the message I was trying convey to you is that since we learn gender roles early on, it is to no surprise why as young boys, one would learn values that are geared more towards homeward stability and success, rather than other virtues, i.
Now you are right, not all men may feel this way, a good percentage of the American population may even agree with you, however you cannot deny that their are happy families with the man at the helm. This is subjective, any one person can blame the matter — especially if the opinions are biased. I can easily say current feminism is to blame. A little unnecessary, no? I was simply stating my opinion on the negative aspects of feminism. That is just how I feel. I noticed your tone started to become more aggressive the more I read on.
I can only conclude that you interpreted me wrong. That is unfortunate, but I get it.. Any way kudos and best of luck to you. I have a very lucrative job and am well on my way to pay off my mortgage 10 years early and early retirement. We have had no fights or any issues in our relationship. He has maxed out his cards so he literally has no money. As others have noted, he cares for me. He cares about people and I know he feels awful. Lynn, thanks for writing. You are very right to help him get his financial ducks in a row and to ask him to come up with a plan.
I dated a man who also owed back taxes and etc. But he started paying off the debt by working two full-time jobs. You need to see action and within some sort of deadline. He would tell strangers i am a millionaire etc, all really embarrassing… I am not, i have a good lot of assets, family inheritance put towards property which massively increased in value but cash wise, income wise i am very average. I have two degrees and work as a professional and he ran his own business. Whenever we went out for dinner, i had to pay, groceries, i had to pay, weekends away, the inference that i had to pay unless i helped him out at his work for a few hours.
Ugh so glad i got out of there. I did so for other reasons but once i did i looked back and saw i had been used all along for money. I suspected it but didnt sit and dwell much while it was happening. My tip is if you feel you are being used for money by some loser guy, you ARE being used, and run run run immediately. The guy i am friends with now- well he is in unstable employment, casual work that changes each week. He lives in this unfathomable dump , and i mean a real bad ass student type dump.
This is not for someone in their 40s. He could get something better, ie a room in a really nice share house for the same money. But instead he lives in this horrible flat, that i only just saw recently. Ive lived in some horrid places in my 20s, but this, this takes the cake. And he never has any money to go out. Why am i even interested? But i want him to want something better! And i am at the stage where i really want someone to be there for me, be able to rely on them , and i dont know if i can with this guy.
Would you date a guy who makes a decent living he can afford his own bills, put money aside, and have money left over for fun even if he despised his work and had zero ambition to find another job or get a promotion? I prefer to be single and poor than to be partnered and poor. A fiscally impoverished marriage is a gutting embarrassment. I am on a disability pension and live in a rented home. Decorating is not an issue as I am creative and resourceful. I keep my figure nice and I can afford high end anything I need.
I have kept my age well due to 49 years of uninterrupted sleep and for selfishly guarding my fertility until the right provider might appear. I can enjoy shallow pursuits such as shopping and caring for my looks. I read plenty of books of many genres so I see myself as well-versed in a few topics. I consider myself to be a good catch. Pretty house and garden. A boudoir for a bedroom. My disability is invisible and I manage it very well. I have my ducks in a row, as small as they seem.
Why would I want a penniless man to come along and stuff all that up? A man of means is an aphrodisiac to me. Realistically, at 49, things are looking bleak in the man department but in five years I know that will change for me. Besides, I love being single and celibate. I love being that mysteriously single woman in the room. Call me a shallow bitch but at least I am not making a poor depressed man feel worse about his situation by basking in my own stringent but easy one, right under his nose.
I know this article and response is rather old. But I would like to add my 2 cents. Married and divorced twice. I never wanted to be burdened beyond my means. Have some deformities that does interfere with some things that I do. I have been working since I was My part time job is in a warehouse that is physically demanding.
Despite my deformities, I persevere. The man I currently with, well at least up until last night, is also broke. We met about 3 months ago. I had no intention of pursuing him. I did call once and try to set up one meeting; he flaked.
Why You Should Date Someone Who’s Poorer Than You
That was as far as my pursuing went. He would call me with excuses that I never believed, cared about or listened to. Over time, he would make better efforts to be more available. But it never got as far as him coming to my place for sex. Our work schedules changed and it was difficult to see each other. So that was okay for the moment. This guy is a widow with 5 grown kids that he still takes care of 3 of them. He has a sister married to an affluent husband. She calls him constantly asking him to buy her things with his own money.
He gets upset that she ask him for money, but buys things anyway. He has asked me for money twice. Once for this sister and once for gas. I know what time it is, lol! Last week he wanted to borrow my car. I told him no. So then, he decided that I should meet his daughter and grandson, so that I can trust him more. Last night I met him at work. I have two jobs. I know that his phone is broke. This was the conformation I was looking for. Sorry, but none of this is worth 5 minutes of good dick!!! He still wanted to see me after the things that I told him. But if I were to pursue this any further I know that it will be a constant guilt trip to make me provide for him.
But I do have a stable job, I earn less than the average salary but I have a stable full time job. Daniel, thanks so much for your thoughts. I observe that many women indicate that they want a man who makes a decent living, regardless of his other traits. Beyond that, this comment resonated with me: Lots of people have that or some version; in fact, 1 in 4 have a mental illness, from mild anxiety to OCD my own son has that to bipolar to schizophrenia and beyond.
Add a low income, and …. Again, you are not alone. Which means there are people with anxiety or who have compassion for those with anxiety who will be interested in connecting with others with a similar situation. I hope you recognize and celebrate all the great things you bring to the world; if you believe that, someone, and most likely a lot of someones, will see that, too.
Also the basic fear of the actual going into a campus and meeting all the people etc which social anxiety so cruelly makes out to be much worse than it is. Again, not you or the article more just the general vibe I have been getting from various other articles and the comments to these types articles. Also on the point of rather than see myself as not smart but rather focus on the things I am good at, that I am smart about. Daniel, at least you can support yourself if you live with someone. Go to the library or something, learn, do what it takes and you will get there.
I have trouble attracting financially irresponsible men. I married another man , who seemed VERY responsible with money during our courtship homeowner, steady job, attended university, in the Army. However, he lost his job shortly after we married, deciding to drop out of college and change his career path. We relocated to a different state so he could attend trade school, and I started my career in education.
He held temporary job after temp job, until finally working at a call center, but he was still always broke. NOT the reason we moved cross country! I have my own apartment, vehicle, career and life. He is still unemployed and living with his band mate. Sometimes u just gotta let ppl be who they are.
Broke men have broke ways. His dead grandmother had bought him his vehicles in high school, and the Army had given him his fun money, by direct deposit. The only thing that could fix us is if I had complete control of our money and gave him an allowance. I feel like I was reading my own story. Men who are broke like the men we attract are broken. The last two guys I dated sucked my dry while living the fun life. Staying up all night and sleeping all day. Giving me just enough attention to keep me hooked. I have hired a relationship expert to help me fix my picker. Because it is my fault these men come into my life.
I allow this behavior. And it needs to stop. I have to stop feeling sorry for these men and trying to take care of them and fix them. They have a mama. Go drain her bank account. I am a successful business woman who has her own money, car, etc. Basically I have my shit together. I am like fly to fly paper for men who have no money. Listen, I do not mind dating a man who has a job that makes less than me. Money is not an issue at all.
This last guy was very charming in the beginning. Took me out for dinner. Wined and dined me. I got hooked and liked him a lot. Then he drops the ball that he is broke and has no money. Do not worry I will pick up the tab this weekend. Up until 3am drinking beer, smoking cigars and watching tv. He would get up around noon and start the pattern all over again.
He would cook dinner but other than that nothing. There was no compassion. And when he did finally go back home I did not hear from him again until he was ready to see me again. Which means he needed money. If he was cleaning my house. Taking care of my dogs. Helping me with my move. Changing the oil in my car, etc. I would have totally been okay with supporting him. But after a month I started to feel used and taken advantage of. Plus I found out he was lying about being in school.
Why lie to me?
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That just added fuel to the fire. I wish I had of followed my first mind n ran as soon as I learned his situation. I am currently dating an unemployed man that is recently divorced. He has prior old felonies from over 20 years ago and got into a verbal alteration that led to his ex filing a restraining order against him last year. I put together his resume because I volunteered in the unemployment center.
Therefore, he has gotten many job offers. However, the restraining order shows up once the background check comes back. His ex refuses to remove it out of spite, yet she still calls him, harasses him and wants him back. He has put her on speaker phone. Despite warning signs and his lack of money, I have fallen for him. I too have found myself paying for almost everything if we go out etc. Most times are spent at my house or doing free stuff. No gifts on holidays or my birthday.
Everything is about him struggling n trying. Yes he works temp jobs but its just enough to buy his toiletries and a bus pass. He has nothing much at all. No house, no car, no steady job and 3 outfits. We have great chemistry, mind blowing sex but honestly, its not enough. At times it feels like he gets all my benefits for free.
I have put men off that can and have actually helped me, just to give him a chance because I see potential in him.
Do you think GAG should combine these topics?
I have become resentful and irritated at times. I care but I dont want to commit to a broke man. Money really does make a difference in a relationship. Its a sinking, sufficating feeling to be in this kind of relationship. Your partner should be an asset not a constant bill…. Thanks for commenting Tosh. No one can take advantage of you unless you allow it.
Great sex and chemistry aside, if you want a future that looks different, you may have to make a hard choice. I wish you the best! I own my condo and car. I recently started dating a great guy that is 59 has a 1st and 2nd mortgage on a k home plus is making payments on his 9 yr old car.
He seems to be perfect except for that. Am I a bad person to break up because of that? He is a lovely guy, a few years younger than me, and spoilt me totally. For example, Singaporean men often get worried at the prospect of you one day out-earning them.
This threatens old-school, patriarchal views that place them as the main breadwinner. This may lead to career sabotage, as your partner prevents you going to conferences, furthering your education, spending more time at work, etc. Hey, everyone wants the best for their child. It can lead to overlooking many other objections, such as their distaste for your political alignment, or dissimilar religion.
Not all Singaporeans are poor because they are low-income earners. Look closely at the source of the poverty. Rather than being low income, it may be something that indicates a quality you should treasure. Do they give a lot of money to a cause you also love? Do they make a big difference in the lives of others, with significant charity work?
Any of those qualities can be far more valuable than money. So instead of worrying too much about your income disparity, look at these bright sides. If you can keep an open mind, you may find you have a lot to learn from each other. I found and applied for a cashback card easily on their website. Financial News and Advice in Singapore.