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Hippy Dating Site I am a: Or address it openly if you can -- she may be able to explain herself better than you might expect. But sitting back and being judgmental until you can't take it anymore sounds like the worst way to begin a meaningful relationship. He was a full-on, lentil eating vegetarian, who meditated, used words like "energy" and "chi," and smelled like patchouli.
I adore d him. We had our moments of strife, for sure, but none related to the aforementioned. In fact, we're still friends almost twenty years later and I still think back on some of the things he introduced me to. So I'd say keep an open mind. I agree with the above posters who say if her hippy quirks irritate you now, that irritation will grow to full-out annoyance in which case it's best not to attempt a relationship.
But if you can view it from the standpoint of "we speak different languages, but have the same core values," then, yeah, give it a shot. What also needs to be gauged is intensity level. If this person is continually spouting off about her beliefs to the point it's embarrassing you in front of friends or colleagues If she's trying to convert you, yeah, no. But if she's an intelligent soul with whom you can banter intelligently, you may find you have an interesting little window into a different belief system.
Even if you don't agree with that system, there's a certain pleasure to learning how other people think and live, which may or may not be your thang.
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Put on a tie dye and enjoy the show. Drag her along to a science oriented museum as a quid pro quo. Look, if you think her beliefs are flakier than corn flakes, tell her now, in the cuddle stage of the relationship, when it can be just one of those precious differences that make you guys unique as a couple. If you wait and tell her a year from now, while you are in the middle of an argument about whether or not she should lend her friend the money to launch a palm-reading business I like tie-dye, granola, peace, hippie folk music, etc.
I'm also a rationalist, atheist, Darwinist and skeptic.
Instead of ignoring her when she talks about energy, ask about it. Maybe she has an interesting view. If you make a habit of ignoring her when she talks about things you don't approve of or disagree with, the relationship is terminal. As long as people use terms like "energy" to refer to parts of life that science hasn't really tackled yet, it doesn't bother me. Most of the hippies I interact with don't espouse beliefs that are totally contrary to my scientific ones. They may not necessarily be logical or rational, but they're usually speculations that extend on rather than contradict observations.
I'm a reasonably religious person mainline Protestant Christian who has been happily married for 9 years to a lovely man who hates all organized religion and religious belief. I mean, Christopher Hitchens level of hate, without the drunken bloviation or the lucrative book and lecture contracts. So, yeah, you can have a good relationship with someone who disagrees with you about a very fundamental issue.
That said, I never discuss religion or spirituality with my husband, and when he goes on about it I remind him politely that this is an issue that we differ on profoundly and he should save his rants for his fellow priest-eaters. I think selfmedicating hit the nail on the head. Be open and honest, and let things flow from there.
If she's allowed to express her views, you need to be allowed to express your views even if they're not the same as hers.
Can you tease her about it? Like energy , man! It may keep you honest with yourself so you don't have to keep quiet and let it turn your insides into knots and may expose her willingness to accept or reject your teasing. If she accepts it and maybe teases you back you may have fun with the whole thing and relax. Hopefully, if you're a techie like me she'll fire back by mocking you with her best Jerry Lewis "Absent Minded Professor" impression for instance.
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That might be fun. And if she gets offended you might realize you don't want to hang around somebody who can't take a joke. Teasing someone about something you have contempt for is, in fact, just being crappy. I think plenty of other people said it right - there's a big difference between talking about "energy" when you're using a convenient metaphor for intangibles and talking about "energy" as some sort of metaphysical junk. I, as a marginal introvert, say that I'm drained by interactions with people. Obviously there's not some actual transfer of electrons or calories except for that one cannibal party, but I digress Even if someone said they were totally jazzed up by the energy in the room blah blah blah, I might roll my eyes a little but I wouldn't think less of them.
You need to decide if this woman's beliefs are incompatible with your scientific bent or if she's just verbalizing things differently.
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Sometimes those of us with a technical background forget that a lot of people simply never get any indoctrination in how to describe some of these concepts any other way than in what can, to us, seem a little hippy-dippy. Or maybe you even can come to the conclusion that a lot of this stuff doesn't matter. The person who doesn't know that fusion is involved in how the Sun creates light is still warmed by it.
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The mechanism of internal combustion is mostly meaningless to the millions of people who get behind the wheel of a car. If you have a similar moral outlook and goals it may be that most of this doesn't matter. I certainly went through my psychedelic drug-fueled fascination with "energy" and eastern religion. I can still appreciate a jam band, I still own a couple tie-dyes, and I think Buddhism is pretty cool. My wife is a straight fucking arrow, she's smoked pot twice in her life and humored me by going to Burning Man once but that's as far as it goes.
But we also have a ton of other common interests and it is no chore whatsoever to tone down my hippie tendencies and still maintain my self identity. So, I would say it can work. I guess it may be an issue in your relationship if she's not aware of where you really stand on the hippy-"energy" issue, or if she finds your stance incompatible with being intimate with you, or if you two don't have enough other common interests.
As with all things having to do with relationships, communication is key. If she says she's feeling a certain way, she's telling the truth. Bad energy's making her feel uncomfortable? Forget the "energy" — she really does feel uncomfortable. Strange omens making her worry about a friend?
Forget the "omens" — she really is worried. Deeply meaningful dream inspiring her to rethink a decision? Who cares where the dream came from — she really does want to rethink the decision. She's feeling refreshed and rejuvenated after a reiki session? Who cares if it's a placebo — she really feels better. Hell, she likes jam band music? Who cares if it is better or worse than what you listen to — she really does like it better If you can follow this one rule, you two have a future.
But any time you find yourself dismissing your partner's feelings, it's a bad sign. You don't have to feel the same way. You don't even have to think it's a logical way to feel. But you absolutely can't write her feelings off — not as "probably PMS," not as "trying to get attention," and not as "hippie bullshit" either. I had a hippie roommate that was into energies, myself coming from a hard science background.
We reached an area of agreement deciding that perhaps her 'energies' could be forces yet to be identified by my 'science. There are a lot of things that science can't yet explain. If you two are good at agreeing to disagree then what you'll end up with is a partner that is constantly giving you a different perspective and from a scientific standpoint new ideas are never a bad thing in my opinion.
I think that is an issue with all couples. If I had a dime for every time I was forced to listen to the Dixie Chicks I could buy the Dixie Chicks, put them in a far away place, and never have to listen to them again. I guess my point is all couples have these differences to a degree, just not so obviously as y'alls' might present themselves.
If you care about her regardless of your different opinions and lifestyles then that to me is an indication that the core of things is worth stickin' with. Diversity is cool and when done right is way stronger than homogenization. Well, no it's not. Furthermore, he never said he had "contempt" for her hippy energy. That would be your own interpretation. I suggest we let him decide what he has and has no contempt for. If he does actually have contempt for hippy energy I'd suggest he lighten up a bit. Maybe tease her about it.
Perhaps in the process he'd be teasing himself again with the lighten up. If he doesn't have contempt, if he "gets it" and understands the playful nature of teasing he could open up a liberating and fun chapter of their relationship. Some of the best relationships I've had started out with teasing very gorgeous women.
Get with the program, man. I'm just over thirty, and as I've grown older, two things have changed -- I don't see people as falling into stereotypes as much anymore this may be because they do so less, or because I think that way less , but also, when I do, I have less tolerance. Putting those together, it's become easier for me to go with my gut about who I want to spend time with and who I don't.
Someone might've been A Geek or A Jock in high school, but if they're still largely presenting themselves as that rather one-dimensional and externally-oriented persona, or if I personally reduce them to that because something grates on me so much , then I'm not interested. But it sounds like this isn't an easy or obvious decision for you, which is interesting in itself. Is what you dislike here linked in any way to something you like about her as well? Sensitivity, supportiveness, awareness, cheerfulness, flexibility, friendliness I think you should give it a bit more time to see what she is really like because people can be multi-dimensional.
Accordingly, my speech pattern is very direct and practical I don't talk about about "energies" and the like. This is the side of me that most people see at first glance. But when people get to know more of me, they find out about my other, "hippy-dippy", side. I love to dance barefoot on the grass in my back yard, am very interested and believe in things you can't see or touch like feelings and intuition and am a HUGE fan of the Grateful Dead. I think drum circles are great fun to dance around and love the smell of patchouli. My speech pattern and personality that I portray to the world-at-large do not reflect the whole of who I am.
I say give it a chance to see if she has other sides as well. Good points made by all here. I would add that it's possible to see her different point of view as a resource rather than an encumbrance. If, for example, you're dealing with someone's delicate emotional stuff at work, it sounds like she'd be a good person to ask about ways of dealing with that.
And if she needs a good counterargument against someone's bullshit, you'd be her go-to guy. If either of you should ever find yourselves undermining the other person's assertions with snippy little comments, it's over. I think that having a existential part between two people can be a fun ride in a relationship.
If each of you come from some point of mutual respect And that person has to enjoy the thought or feeling that that type of communication develops, as well. I think that this is rare, though. It requires open minds from participants that rarely afford that commodity to people outside of their peer group. This askme points to that. And no doubt each of you probably have quite a bit to learn from each other. I'm a secretary with no formal schooling past grade I read tarot and am a recovering Catholic, he's a cynical Jew with a grounded logical approach to everything.
I am going to a Decemberists show in May, he doesn't much care for their species of whinecore indie-pop, so I'm taking a mutual girl friend instead of him. What makes it work between us two is that we know about all these things, we accept them, and we have moved on past the initial "really?! We're also both mutually respectful of those boundaries; i. And by mutual respect, I mean mutual - I also don't read cards for him or torture him with Andrew Bird albums, and he doesn't nag me about balancing my checquebook or harp about the cost of taking him to a nice dinner once in awhile.
He has learned to respect my instincts about people to the point where he'll ask me about how I read the dynamic in a tense family situation and I let him give me investment advise. Ultimately we have far more in common than those shallow surface traits anyhow. We are both competitive cyclists, both fascinated by things like weather, astronomy, science, etc. We are both Apple product junkies. We both work in related biotech industry jobs. We both get unholy glee from driving his fancy souped-up WRX way too fast down gravel mountain roads.
We play chess and Scrabble and card games with each other, and our friends. This is all to illustrate that we have a real, deep, loving connection and so much other stuff in common, that the fact that he's a highly educated realist and I'm a bit of a hippie myself doesn't honestly matter all that much. So in the end, I think what you'll have to figure out is if the similarities trump the differences and go from there. But if you don't have open communication and mutual respect, and aren't able to bridge that gap, then it's a good bet you'll not get very far with this one.
I'm very hippie-esque for someone who didn't actually live through the 60's I was raised in Vermont by Buddhist parents and went to an alternative college with no grades where someone honestly got a degree in frisbee, so I've got as much cred as anyone my age can get. I talk about the vibrations of the universe in all honesty. In my defense, a lot of that is part of my Buddhist practice, which is y'know, a belief system involving lots of "energy. He's getting his PhD in engineering and his entire life is dictated by what is rational and logical.
We get along fabulously. If you don't like this girl, it's because you're not compatible, not because she likes jam bands. Think about how many other people you've dated who listen to [insert awful thing here]. I could make the same argument that I couldn't possibly date someone who considers KISS to be his favorite band, but here I am. It sounds like you're looking for excuses for things that you don't like and putting them in the category of "hippy" so you can say "Oh, she just does that because she's a hippy.
You don't subscribe to her belief system and you don't like her music.
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Either that's a big deal for you which duh, it is, you're writing about it on the internet or it's not. If you're not compatible, you're not compatible.