Overall we both did not have the same values and upbringing which is an absolute must in a relationship. So, although he is a nice person those contrasts made a world of a difference. The stress of whole thing was unbearable. Just the fact that as a teenager we are so young and have yet to discover what we want in life let alone relationships. The whole thing was not wise. My mom had been teaching me for years and years that relationships so young are not good and wont progress into anything.
For some reason because she had told me that so much it was just going in one ear and out the other.
I also think that because it was coming close to that time of the month I was not able to make rational decisions. To be honest I wanted out of that relationship as soon as I got into it and surprisingly he felt the same. Dating in high school in my opinion has no benefit. You constantly have to worry about the other person while still juggling school.
Not only is it a distracting but its a waste of time. And also as a teenager I still have parents that have authority over me that I have to listen to. Somehow I had to discover this through experience and now I know that I need to work on bettering on myself. Making sure that I know what direction I am going in life. Our store and other social websites are coming soon so stay tuned! Our blog may contain affiliate links. Here is our disclosure. Just look at television shows like Degrassi or Glee or Smallville.
Another reason high school relationships fail is due to the fact that to the people who are in them: This is probably going to earn me criticism from my peers, but honestly, we are not the most mature bunch. Some of us, anyway. Those who care about themselves intentionally: These are the people who date because they want the relationship, not the other person in the relationship.
Those who care about themselves unintentionally: This is a difficult category. Oh Joe, all those sweet things you say to me and the gifts you buy me make me just want to die! Those who care about the other person: This group is reserved for the love between parent and child, sibling and sibling, and other rare circumstances — imagine how much time you would have to spend with a person until you could achieve that with them. Certainly more than four years. All of those detract from the depth of a relationship, and because those things are so prevalent in high school, they decrease the amount of successful relationships.
Not to mention college — I might write a post later on about why long distance relationships fail, if I have time. Teenagers also tend to think that their boyfriends and girlfriends are better than they actually are, or over analyze the emotions involved in the relationship, instead of actually, well, dating.
They will never live up to your expectations. A growing relationship can only be nurtured by genuineness. I want to end this delightful post by saying that I do not intend to offend anyone — I have several friends in relationships and wish them the best. This is just my personal opinion, and others are free to argue. I hope they argue, actually, because if not the world would be depressing.
I consider myself a romantic person, and yet here I go writing this… what a two-faced freak. Tagged as adolescents , college , cynicism , degrassi , glee , high school , jersey shore , love , relationships , smallville , teenagers. I know I have a tendency to reply to your posts, but I did have a strong inclination to respond to this one specifically because, as a slightly older individual, I can say that I agree with your observations for the most part, particularly that relationships were a part of fitting in.
Because of this, I feel that a lot of the relationships that I watched from the sidelines in High school failed. It bothered me greatly, and made me very unhappy for several years. Looking back at it now, it feels absolutely ridiculous, but I suppose it was the psychological influence of the relationships I was surrounded with. Even worse, those teenage years begin the raging hormones that tell us only one thing: I also believe that when first assaulted with those hormones, the human mind has not had time to learn to control them.
The only relationship I remember from high school that I gave a chance of surviving involved someone not altogether preoccupied with sex. It comes with its risks, risks I am happy I avoided. When I was a teenager I rarely saw that kind of thinking going on. Overall, High School relationships, and just High School years in general, are overrated.
The most upsetting things I saw were people who decided not to go to college, or to go to a different college, just to be with their high school beau. It makes me feel old. If anything, it just proves that you have a mental depth that is desired by many. Once again, thanks for the comment. Also, I note that some of my comments seem pretty lengthy, but I have a tendency to go on.
XD My grandparents used to say, when I was little, that I had a certain number of words I HAD to use every day, and I would use them, whether people were listening or not. I think your way with words is incredible. I also feel a little out of place in my high school because I actually am considering what career field I want to go into and which colleges have the best curriculum, or simply figuring which courses at my school give me the best chances in a college.
Relationships were another thing I considered in the affects of my grades. Even knowing how these relationships will fail, before reading this I messed around and got myself a boyfriend. Perfect example, in my opinion how science plays such a huge role in this.
I know this is not going to be a long term relationship yet it feels good to have the attention and socializing aspect in my life. I really enjoyed reading your point of view on the subject. I enjoy reading your lengthy comments, it makes me happy that someone is taking the time to read what I have to write in the first place. By all means, write as much as you want:. Well the drama is irritating, yes, but I do rather like my college experience so far.
Except for the food… The food here sucks, to be plain. I giggle when people mention genitalia and I can be a bit crude sometimes. I also have, as many creative minds do, a sense of A. I actually really enjoyed reading this because it completely reminded me of my life welcome to high school.. I mean right now, going to boarding school and all, high school is kind of a bubble. Sorry, slight tangent throught there. Food for though, eh?
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Of course I can agree with and understand your points of view and beliefs in this department. I just feel like making some comments. I know probably two couples that have lasted over a year, and one over two years. Of course, teens are always willing to take that risk. People always say to learn from your mistakes. With each good relationship, you learn more about yourself and others. I hang out with friends, I spend time with my boyfriend, I workout, I got a buttload of things to do with family, yet my grades are still at an all-time high. I just think of my relationship as something fun.
Thanks for your insightful comment! I had to think about what you said for awhile before responding — you bring up a lot of great points. However, when I think of a relationship, I assume that the people in the relationship want it to last for a solid amount of time, and maybe even lead to marriage or something that will last a lifetime. Study for your SATs? Start a school club? Volunteer at the local library? Many people that are in relationships in high school are building foundations for relationships that will come along later, without those foundations realizing what you expect from yourself and your partner whilst in a relationship, etc.
Of course, these would be in the minority but they will exist. I tottally agree with this post and gaaaah your post is so well written plah. Once again, thanks for reading! This is someones actual facebook post that they just posted: The fact that someone would post that type of message online publicly makes me question the authenticity of their feelings as well. Misinterpretations the quiet voice. Your opinion has given me something to write about in English Class. Best of luck to you and your boyfriend. I was just reading your article that popped up and I felt I should possibly reply.
Your article is very very correct under most circumstances, as I currently observe in my daily high school life. I hope that all goes well for you two too. I agree with your article on so many levels. I even have friends who have to always be in a relationship, because it makes them happy. I see what you mean. I can relate to how your friends complain about problems or drama about their relationships or how happy the relationship itself makes them feel as opposed to the other person in the relationship.
Some times I wonder whether people who incessantly complain about their boyfriend or girlfriend truly care about them, or if they only care about the status the relationship is supplying them with. I wish more people would realize that high-school relationships are not worth sacrificing family commitments, college, and essentially your future for.
The majority of my friends that have been in long relationships have all broken up within the last month due to cheating, fights, etc. The Right to Judge the quiet voice. What a waste of life. However, it does give us experience as in finding out what we really look for in a person. But aside from that I can think of many things that we should spend our time doing than crying over a broken heart. I expect that the ones that are in deep would be in denial.
My hope is that those who are in denial and not willing to get counseling would have someone — a friend, family member, teacher, etc. Otherwise… maybe time would heal their wounds, though counseling really is the best thing for those who are suicidal.
Even just talking to someone about it could tremendously. I have a group of friends that have been in high school relationships and have found that they are not only stupid but leads to great heartache and disappointment. Personally, I blame the media for all our high school problems and obsessions with love, romance, and all things mythical. Again and again, teens directly and indirectly hearing it all the time experience the hurt that comes from fully being involved with someone at such a young age but the media continuously feeds the message that its all worth it, that love prevails in the end.
Most of those relationships not only end, but cause emotional scares that personally, are not worth it. And since this is real life, love in the case of high school relationships would most likely not prevail. Instead, teens should be focusing on personal development and future accomplishments that may actually last after four years. Anyhow, I think this is a great article and more teens should read it. I totally agree with you. Of course they should have fun with their friends and having hobbies like sports, reading, etc.
Thank you for the compliment and for commenting, it really means a lot to me that you were able to respond in such depth! High school relationships have a short shelf life because teenagers are still growing, evolving, and figuring out who they are. Who they were at 15 may not be the same as they are at 18, 25, or I do agree with the bulk of your post- teenagers are generally too shallow and immature to have long-lasting, committed, romantic relationships.
I am a cynical, hopeless romantic too! When ever a couple gets PDA-y, I mentally roll my eye; but I will read hours and hours of romantic fan fiction about one couple and flail about them. Which I will post about, eventually. Hm… two years is still quite some time. Thanks for reading and commenting Eileen, and please share with me your tumblr posts after you write them!
This is probably due to the fact that all of my family judges and scorns me.. Other kids have such a skewed look on relationships, viewing them as marks of status or fitting in. Why go out with someone because their hair is nice only to find out they are a complete jerk?
People do change and what may feel like a mutual interest now could fade, on the other hand, your feelings could develop into something bigger — only time will tell. What an interesting post — your thoughts and the comments alike! Throughout my college years here in New Zealand, and even prior to that in Intermediate, this sort of topic has always been a re-occurring thing for me.
Go out there and find myself a boyfriend, open myself up to all the possibilities at this age, knowing how likely it is for the relationship to fail? Then, on the other side of me, my other good friend has recently gone through her first real break up and is struggling to recover and move on. We all get these false expectations that set us up for disappointment most of the time. I would say though, not throw yourself in the deep end too soon with this type of stuff at this young age. Will definitely come back! However, things turned sour toward the end of their relationship and at that point he was causing her more harm than good.
When they broke up, she was, of course, heartbroken — probably like your friend. However, after a little bit of time she picked up the pieces and moved on… and yes, she is a lot stronger now. I think your proposed solution works out the best. I read this and I agree with most of what it said. But say we change the situation to how it is for me. He chose the serious route but I still have a year of highschool left.
How do you think things will play out? Okay, first of all let me tell you that what I say here is not going to determine your future and the future of your relationship. You guys will have to constantly communicate, trust each other completely, be compassionate, etc. I personally believe that serious dating should only be to those who are ready for long-term commitment for instance, marriage , mentally, emotionally, physically, financially. I think my first guy lasted for two weeks. And I was always the one to break up with them. One funny thing was, I never got to see any of them personally.
It was really lame, and just for the thrills. But all of them seemed so serious. Some of them even cried on me over the phone. I never saw them as someone whom I would share the rest of my life with. That would be suicidal. We were strangers, for crying out loud. Not to mention we were too young.
To be quite frank, I though it was dumb that they got hurt, and never really got to see it coming. I doubt anyone of them really considered long-term commitment seriously. Now I remember my younger brother who recently told me how hurt he was to find out that his first girlfriend already found a new boyfriend. It was surprising that he opened up to me like this, but I thought it was a good thing. I got to tell him the things I learned from my past relationships, and how right our parents were about their objection to such kind of relationships.
He used to hate them so much about it. They were just right, and very concerned. I think now he understands. He used to be so cynical with me about having a boyfriend, but after that conversation, he just stopped. And that felt better. I guess I can actually be talkative in writing. Your thoughts are intriguing. Thank you for taking the time to craft such an in-depth response to my post! I guess I just wanted to say I agree with your post. As a freshman, so many of the relationships I see on a daily basis are just… superficial.
People are in relationships for the sake of being in relationships. I do, however, think that you can find a meaningful, mature relationship in high school. The essential element is just to genuinely love your partner, and after that everything else might fall into place, with a little elbow grease. The last part of your comment could really be applied to all relationships, it reminds me of the idea of unconditional positive or regard or simply loving someone with no strings attached.
Major respect points for you, and I hope everything works out well! I definitely agree with you. As a freshman in high school, I see relationships start and subsequently end because of the stupid superficial reasons stated in your post. I would also like to add that relationships often end because people, teens especially, have this unrealistic picture of love.
They fail to realize that Love is something that, while beautiful, is too complicated to comprehend. But Love is, in truth, far more complex and primal than that. In reality, Love is a symbiotic relationship, in which both people are two parts of a whole. The whole that is created between the two people, and functions like a physical body, when one part is malfunctioning, the whole falters. Likewise, when both parts are on the same wavelength and function properly, it creates an overall sense of happiness for every faction of the body.
When one side is happy, it softens whatever stress is on the other half. This is the function of love. It is both symbiotic, dependent, and independent all at once. This aside, great post! Basically, what you said. And a truly loving relationship includes friendship — though perhaps at a deeper level — as well.
Thank you for your wonderfully-written comment! An extremely intriguing conversation. It is comforting to know i am not the only one with an opinion of this type. It was a riveting read! While it may not be a common opinion, as you can see from the number of other commenters you should not feel like an outcast or anything like that. Thank you again for taking the time to read and comment on this post despite your tendency not to! This article really got me thinking. It helped me get my priorities straight.
I am a year-old freshman in high school, and currently in a relationship that has lasted for 8 months. School is incredibly important to me, and if it gets to the point where there is a descision to be made between school and a boy, I will most likely choose whichever benefits me more in the long run.
However I will not let that completely blind me from what really matters. I realize how little of a chance we have of lasting past high school. I really feel like if I do what I need to, and the relationship works out no matter what, then it was meant to be. I wish you the best of luck in your relationship as well as in your studies. Thanks for reading and commenting! In fact, I had sworn myself not to date in high school due to the high rate of break ups of my friends in previous years.
Last year in October however, I fell for one of my good friends and seven months later, we have surpassed couple after couple, after couple. Sure college is going to be difficult, but if the past few months have been the most enlightening and truly wonderful time of my life, why give it up, right? It was from him that I learned the importance of communication, the importance of waiting for the right person, accepting and understanding differences—there are so many things I have learned from this relationship and I know there are plenty more I have to learn.
A relationship will always have its ups and downs and at times, it may even get boring but the love, respect and support should never go away. Ah, wonderfully articulated response! I feel like quite a few of these comments are somewhat rebuttals to my post, in that they are showing that high school relationships can be worthwhile and last — not that I mind that, because it is a great thing to see. It seems like you have found the right person to be with and that you two have overcome numerous obstacles without falling out, so, I cannot blame you for taking on the task of surviving a long distance relationship.
The post is really a master piece. The problem between us it the fact she is a little shy and closed. I also want to mention; we are in a relationship just for 1 week. Should I take the relationship to the next level? I mean to start inviting her to my house.. Like going to the mall or a museum or some place with her family, so that you are in public and you have things to do other than just talk in case things get awkward.
Now I was really looking forward to study hangul just for her, I think having a decent conversation in hangul with her would be nice. Enough of that, hopefuly if things turn out right, we just make it beyond college as more than just friends. If you are aware of the pitfalls and problems I wrote about in this post, I think that will give you more than a fighting chance in succeeding.
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Good luck, and thank you for reading and commenting! Thanks for putting this up. I agree with you on everything you say. I help her and she helps me. I think the fact that you talk things through and that you guys improve each other are two wonderful traits to your relationship that make it strong. While I can certainly agree with the majority of your argument, I simply have to chip in my two cents. In fact, I know I am. Anyway, enough about me…relationships are definitely complex in every sense of the word. But what I love about humans is that every human is completely unique.
Likewise, relationships are the same. I like my boyfriend for who he is AND how he makes me feel. My boyfriend is my best friend. And whether we stay together or not, he will remain my best friend. My first relationship a year or so ago before I moved far was, in retrospect, my effort to exercise a newfound right. As soon as I realized that I was in the relationship to be in a relationship, I broke it off. With that knowledge, I was able to be happily single for half a year. The next relationship I entered was not out of desperation or social pressure.
Have a little faith in us. We learn with our mistakes. Maybe your first relationship wil notl work out. Forget what statistics say. Forget what other people say or do. All that matters is you and your significant other. Koree, thank you for taking the time to write out your story and your thoughts regarding high school relationships! As in, you went through a break-up, that made you realize the proper reasons for being in a relationship, or something along those lines.
Trust me, I am a romantic at heart. I love, love, love reading romance novels and I deeply believe in true love and many other things some would consider gushy. Hopefully there are a myriad of people out there like you who are in it for the right reasons and who are cognizant of the copious amount of factors involved.
Sorry this might be a bit long, but this is my story. I must say that your post it entirely true so many girls in my school will go out with someone just for the relationship, I know a girl who has been out with at least 7 people from each year of our school!! I think I started having a crush on him towards new year time, and I do think he liked me a lot then.
The first few weeks were awkward and I feared our friendship was over, he is in the year above me and works extremely hard, he and 2 more people in our school are considered the child geniuses of our school. I care about my education a lot but I think I would be considered as average. We never spoke at school, If I tried to talk to him in school I would get a shrug or a short answer, he never realized how much it hurt, all his friends were giving him lectures XD but out of school he is really sweet only recently he is more comfortable talking to me at school — everyone tells me that I should tell him that it hurts, but I have tried but I think he thought I was joking.
We both agree about drugs, smoking and alcohol. I never in my life am going to do any of them, I promise you that, and the wonderful thing is he agrees with me. I know that we will work hard toward our relationship. And really what a lot of guys and girls want is only sex, a girl in my year got pregnant and still had sex while she was pregnant!! I believe in marriage before sex. I do my best to get him out at least once a week, but maybe I should ring on him more often??
They will stick up for you and help you get through it. You have to love yourself before you love others. Once again, he should be there to support you! I would just like to suggest to the people who are very biased towards long term high school relationships that in every statistic, there is always an outlier. The logic is simple. If you love yourself, you can love another.
According to Erik Erikson-developmental psychologist- adolescents are discovering their true identity and have a personal role-confusion. Once you are out of that stage, you are pratically guarenteed a healthy long-term relationship no matter how old you are. Ah, yes, I agree. I have studied Erik Erikson, though not in depth, and interestingly enough the stage after identity versus role confusion is intimacy versus isolation, which I suppose solidifies how relationships are meant to be made during that time period.
And it shows how some people can struggle with it.
Dating in High School is Pointless!
Yes, of course there are outliers, and I applaud you and your boyfriend and wish the best for you guys! Thank you for reading and commenting! Does anyone really know what love is though? And how young is too young to be in love? But I guess the end of relationships between high school and university is inevitable. The ugly truth I suppose. I wrote an entire post on what I think love is, interestingly enough. I disagree that the end of relationships between high school and university is inevitable.
Nothing well, very few things are inevitable, and love is something that can overcome even the most threatening obstacles. If your love is true and it is deep, of course it stands a chance of surviving. These lessons led me to where I am today, in a happy relationship with someone who I care about. My biggest lesson was in the beginning of freshman year, when I broke up with my boyfriend of almost a year because I realized how much he was dragging down my grades and my independence. Although it was hard for me at the time, I consider this to be a major turning point in my life and I would not have become the person I am without going through this experience.
Earlier this year, I became friends with this guy. Throughout our friendship, I dated and liked other people, and he always supported whatever made me happiest. That level of caring is so hard to find, especially among teenagers. After a while, I got fed up with dating people and stayed single in order to work on loving myself. My friend still supported my decision not to date anyone although he liked me a lot at the time. We have fantastic communication, and when we disagree on something we always find a middle ground. We push each other to do better constantly.
Being in this relationship has opened new doors for the both of us. If anyone wants to offer up their opinion about our relationship, go ahead.. Aw, I love hearing stories about happy couples! Clearly your past relationships have made the greatness of this one more pellucid. On that note, I wholeheartedly agree that high school relationships are not always a waste of time. Thank you for reading and commenting and sharing your own story, I wish you two luck in the future and please keep me updated! Bravo about the comment that school should concentrate on getting good grades and learning rather than fitting with the norm.
Despite the fact that the friend of your family asks that in a joking way, it can be interpreted as slightly offensive. What was important in high school is totally irrelevant and does not mirror real life in any way. What was important 35 years ago was shown to be toally irrelevant 32 years ago. I had the opportunity to leave school for one semester and I joined the real working world doing a real blue collar job with real adults. There was no time for daydreaming, picking and choosing what assignments would get done, no time for oogling girls.
What was important was doing what you are told, when you are told, how you are told. Personal problems were to remain in the parking lot and unwelcome in the workplace. I drove away from school on my last day, thinking goodbye thanks farewell so long and quickly relegated the experience to the trash heap of history.
This is not to say that I did not benefit from the education I received. High school culture is not the basis of anything that exists in the real world. Hopefully people do not have to suffer the consequences of high school actions throughout their life. This is why high school relationships fail.
For those who go to class reunions, keep in touch with or otherwise socialize with the same people 20 or 30 years after the fact, I do not mean to demean you. All the more power. As for me, high school sinks further and further down on the trash heap of history, and so do my high school relationships. I do not wish any particular evil upon anybody from that time of my life…. I see what you mean, especially about how the petty drama and relationships meant nothing once you entered the real world.
While I do think that high school can serve as a great time to bond with friends that might turn out to be lifelong, and to discover oneself on a more internal level, it is a sandbox compared to what one must do to succeed in real life. And, like you mentioned, the education is very important. These girls believe their boyfriend will stick around…they believe that much in their relationship of only a few weeks sometimes a few months that the irresponsible boy that knocked her up in the first place will support the child. Teens of today are in relationships for exactly the reasons you said — to fit in and because they want a relationship — not really the other person.
Unorganized, chaotic, rushed, ect. Though, of course, there are always those people that do make it past high school for year and even into marriage. My favorite case is my old geometry teacher, who married her high school sweetheart and they're still together. At least 40 years I never asked her age. My grandparents married out of high school and they're still together.
Of course that was years ago, things were very different than they are now. But, my point still holds true. Some couples can make it. Though I don't have much hope for many of the teenage relationships out there today, I know there's always those few that will make it. Yes, I agree — unorganized, chaotic, and rushed can very well describe some high school relationships that occur.
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Yes, of course, there are always exemptions! Those couples who stay together for a long time from high schools are always cute.
10 Reasons Dating In High School Is Overrated | HuffPost
I suppose the ones who stay together are the ones who give hope for people who are currently in high school relationships. This post made me realize why I am so down about my relationship and so doubting. We and my girlfriend are in high school and have been dating 7 months. It has moved pretty fast and I can honestly say I do love her with everything I have. Not because of what she makes me feel or out of desire but for her and how we are together.
Aw, this is so sweet! Thank you for sharing your feelingss, and good luck! It CAN work out, you just have to attempt to see each other as often as possible, and communicate whenever you can. So yeah, I hope this helped anyone! Yep, there are cases in which long distance and even high school relationships work out! Actually, I am currently in a long distance relationship that started from high school right now and it is still going well. I stumbled onto this blog when I wanted to see what are my chances at my relationship actually succeeding in the end.
I totally agree with the things you say and I, myself, see my friends break up with their partners around me while my girlfriend and I are still going really well haha. Sometimes I even feel kind of bad but I truly hope that those who really love each other are able to control there emotions and feelings to continue to develop their relationships. It would be nice if mine succeeds as well xD Great blog! Yes, it is understandable that you feel bad, but I hope your friends are learning from their mistakes and growing as a result.
Obviously not every relationship is the same, so I am glad that you are not doubting yourself just because you have peers whose relationships did not succeed. I wish you luck, and thank you for reading and commenting! I like this article. It really says what i have always thought. Plenty of guys will take advantage of this and just change the way they flirt, and girls will just misunderstand this and end up looking for the right things for the wrong reasons.
While I see what you mean about how it might not help anyone, I do think that by reading the comments already posted you can see how many people have already read and learned from this post.
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Even if guys do change how they flirt, girls will be more cognizant of the lasting implications and consequences of relationships, and girls overall will be more knowledgeable of their thoughts and emotions regarding the subject. Not just girls, but guys as well. Having one person benefit by reading this is way better than no one, and I hope others will agree with me on that.
This article was very helpful for me. I am currently doing research on why high school students suffer from depression and relationships is obviously a huge one. Writing about why relationships for teens often fail is a great thing, in my opinion. I know for a fact this entry will help many high school students in the future. I agree, teens who get stuck on relationships instead of using them as learning experiences can get depressed.
Good luck with your research, and I wish you the best in making a difference! I found this while searching online because I am in a situation forcing me to choose between continuing or ending my Highschool Relationship. But its been an 18 month relationship, and its been real good. However, with the basic fears of college meeting new people, long distant troubles, etc , I feel that ending it would be a better choice. Thank you for reading and commenting. Thank you for replying! Thank you, I love this blog, but you can always start one with a few clicks and some inspiration.
Good luck, I hope everything works out well for you! If this is a legitimate request, perhaps I will! My only hesitation is that I have never been in a successful high school relationship, so I would feel a little presumptuous writing about how to have one. However, you and I both could benefit tremendously from reading what other people have commented on this post.
Communication, compassion, honesty — all of those things are integral to any functioning relationship, and it warms my heart that there are so many people out there who are treating their significant others well. Maybe if I get more requests. Being there for your significant other because you love them as opposed to yourself is a key theme.
Dear Thomas, I agree with you whole heartedly. Im in High School right now. I began dating my best friend for 2 years only 3 months ago. I feel we have a happy relationship.