Never hook up with your ex

You gave up the whole cake. Rather than just giving him a small slice of the cake, you gave him the whole cake. You lose your value that way. Right now, your top priority is getting your value back. In order to do that, you do need to go into the no contact rule. Let him run back to that girl.

It seems like, at least at one point, you were the bigger and better deal for him. Again, I gave you my disclaimer with my thoughts on that. So what if he runs back to that other girl? Have more confidence in yourself and your abilities to influence him. You can get him to leave that girl. You can get him to come back to you. What I will say is, if you have confidence in yourself, your chances of that happening will increase. Go right back into no contact. After the no contact rule, I want you to flirt with him the exact same way that you flirted with him before that made you hook up with him.

There will be one difference this time. You are not going to hook up with him. You are showing him the entire cake. You need to understand that this will make him mad, but it will also raise your value. At this point, when he does come back wanting more cake, friend zone him. I talked about this in the friend zone episode. I will link to that in the show notes of this episode. Then you can listen to that and understand how to friend zone a guy. After the friend zone, I want you to lay down the law.

After the friend zone, you will be enough value for him. You will be the bigger and better deal. That was Episode You leave him wanting more. He will come back for more, most likely. There is something powerful in doing that. We will never be together. I think the number one mistake women make when they try to get their exes back is that they do so from a position of weakness. What I just explained to you with this game plan is how to get him back from a position of power. I have no problem walking away from this. I am higher value.

I am so confident in myself that I can find someone way better than you. You should be begging me to take you back. Then we will never be together. Then go into a mini no contact rule for seven days. Repeat this process over and over again. You will always have him on your hook. He will always be left wanting more. He will always want you, Maggie. That is what you need to do. You need to accomplish this if you want him back. Again, I always want you to keep in mind that, if he did cheat on his new girlfriend with you, that may make you happy that you got him to cheat on his girlfriend.

That is a big assumption. If you want to learn more about how you can get your ex back from a position of strength as opposed to weakness, please check out my website, Ex-Boyfriend Recovery. Maggie, this will end the game plan for you and the episode. If you have not subscribed or left a review on iTunes for this podcast, please do so. Just leave an honest one. Tell me what you think. We need those reviews to continue to thrive on iTunes.

Quite frankly, we are not doing what I hoped to be doing. I need the listeners here at Ex-Boyfriend Recovery to please help this podcast so that I can continue doing it. I hope you have a good week. My ex and I have been texting and we actually had a fun date tonight. I pulled away from him before he kissed me and teased me a bit but then he pulled me in and kissed me. However when he got home he wanted pictures from me and I sent them.

What can I do about this? I want to be seen as someone of value. I did the no contact rule for a month without interruptions, improved myself, became an ungetable girl, started talking through texts, then calls, then we started going out. He was suddenly moving out of the country, so he begged to see me and we ended having sex. When he canceled his trip, I talked and asked to take things slowly with exclusivity.

We have been doing for 5 weeks, the past 3 I denied having sex with him and he got really mad. Should I just wait?

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I hope you stick to nc.. I went through the same thing.. And in the works of hooking up more in the couple months which he initiated. I get the feeling that he still want to work it out but afraid to commit to me.. I really need an advice.. Dont devalue yourself by continuing to do that.. If you dont want, at least stop sleeping with him..


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Hi, I am in desperate need for advice. I was dating this guy for four years. After 8 months he started reaching out to me and told me he wanted me back. I gave in, we started visiting each other LDR and acting like we were dating again. Well I cut him off for months and now he is back again. We started texting, then going on dates, and ultimately I slept with him a few times while he was in town. We are still long distance for the time being, but I do miss him in my life. Please let me know what I should do from here. Hi, So we spent that weekend together and he has been coming to visit every couple weeks.

How do I ask him where this is going without scaring him away? I want to either commit or move on… I fear he is having his cake and eating it too with me and although we have only been doing this for 1. It will just make you friends with benefits..

3 Ways to Hook Up with an Ex Girlfriend - wikiHow

I will look at that. Do I agree to go? I just went through something similar. I have a question, though. I just completely ignored him until the 30 days passed. Or will this cause him to shut me out completely? Hi Chris, I am in a similar situation with my ex. He asked me again to meet for a movie 2 weeks after the dating, and we slept together.

I felt he was using me so I told him about it and he said he never do it again….. So, I have not done no contact at all for the past 3 months, but I started feeling like his feelings for me is disappearing as the frequency of texting from him is getting less and he has stopped to engage emotional conversations.

He was very gentle as always, but he kept the line as a friend. I noticed that he has added many girls on FB approx. We simply danced, but not partying. I said I waited for 3 months and I had enough. I refused to be friend. I was pretty upset so i also wrote good-bye. And the other choice you have is to move on.. We recently met a lot and talked a lot and even slept together once. I really think we have compatible personalities and always have fun together even as friends.

We both are 22 and have been together since We used to be friends before we were a couple and have many common friends. I moved to study abroad 2 years ago and we kept seeing each other every month or so and spent summer and Christmas holidays together. I noticed he seemed less enthusiastic about visiting me during the last year so it was mostly me visiting him. Then he told me he liked me a lot but was not in love with me anymore. If he really finds happiness with someone else I would be happy for him and I think I could also meet someone, but I also hope we still have a chance together in the future because we really fit good together and are like best friends.

Is not liking and finding someone attractive enough to fall in love? You need to create desire by having space apart. In a previous version of this article I admitted I hooked up before he committed and am now finding myself in the dreaded friend with benefits zone. He acts like the perfect boyfriend with me, but still no commitment. I no longer know if I really am helping him to change by staying close or not. I want to be there for him, in sickness and health, like he is for me. I expected him to tell me how much he was touched, that it would make him realize what he has.

No contact for 7 days. Should I follow through the whole week or talk again tomorrow? I plan on bringing my A-game that night. Is weekend enough or should I really push it without feeling bad doing so. I feel he deserves me giving him a hard time for once! Is it not obvious that I have to spell it out and answer?

But this is making me unhappy. I know he loves me deeply, but I no longer am sure that he is in love with me. It makes me feel rejected and makes me want to take my distance for real and not just to get him back or get him to change. What I mean by being ready to lose somebody, is that you have to set your standards and be clear what your deal breakers are and what things you can forgive. I figured its best to tell my story here for advice. Alright so I was my boyfriend for over a year. We are in our late 20s and yes still live at home!

Things were amazing between us until March. He grew distant and cold towards me for about a week, and then broke up with me. Since the break up I went into 25 day NC. He never contacted me. He joined a gym and sports team. Which made me feel maybe he just needed space from me because we practically lived together at his house. Anyways after the NC period I texted him on his happy birthday. Then he ended up texting me about bumping into someone I know, and we had a nice conversation.

He even asked to go over and have sangria but I was busy. He initiated another meet up but then bailed a minute after suggesting it. I was upset about it because I was excited to see him. He ended up saying he made plans with a girl instead. I got jealous and freaked out. Asked if it was a date and who she was etc. I ended up finding out who she was. His best friend Aaron has a girlfriend named Carly. Also, he did not mention to Aaron or any of his other friends he hung put with Amy although Amy is friends with his friends. I never met her. I did meet up with him the next week I initiated it.

Although I intended on sleeping on the couch I ended up in his bed and we slept together. I left for work the next morning and that night he invited me over with his 2 friends. One of the friends was Amy! She was drunk and was going to walk with his other friend to sleep at their house. I offered to drive them but she was like no you stay.

I stayed at my Exes, and well slept with him again. I was sober and I just felt used. He basically told me to leave the next morning even though we had the day off. I felt good because it seemed Amy was not a threat. However, a week later last week I find out she spent 2 nights friday and Saturday so the whole weekend at his place. I ended up meeting my ex 2 days after that and sadly spent the night again. But saw evidence in his garbage that he slept with someone. My guess is obviously Amy. However he did not know that she spent Saturday night too.

I saw him again this week 2 days ago , and well hooked up with him again. It was really good between us but as usual he did not cuddle me and I left the next morning. I only see him later, and I always leave in the morning. Unlike her who seems to be allowed stay the next day. He is clearly messaging her more than me. Also, he is hiding his meet ups with Amy from his friends but tells them when he hangs out with me. I doubt he wants anything serious with her, and well I doubt he is going to parade her in front of his friends.

Especially his best friend Aaron. On top of it, he lives with his mom! His mom can clearly see he is juggling the 2 of us. Should I continue seeing him and not sleep with him? This situation seems hopeless because even if I cut him off from sex he is clearly getting it from Amy. Since my last comment, my ex invited me to a movie 2 weeks ago but he did not ask me to spend the night. It was super late at night and a relative was staying the week so maybe it was because of that? That hurt and I asked if there was an issue or problem between us. After this conversation he ignored my texts.

I was confused because he claimed we were cool. I tried days later.


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  • He knows he can get away with it too because he knows he has me wrapped around his finger. I wanted to show him this is not the case. I know it was dramatic but I needed to get his attention…. I asked him what he expected from me. This conversation happened 5 days ago. I did text him today to see if we could do something this week. But I would like to have successful text conversation and hang outs.

    After several months of being with this horrible woman, he admitted he made a mistake and we ended up in bed. Many times behind her back. Well the horrible woman got fed up with him because he is a loser and I still slept with him. The last day we slept together he told me he wanted to date other women.

    It was a huge slap in the face and I did the no contact which has helped me move on. I have kids but they are older and want to be with their friends. I feel frustrated and wonder if there are any nice guys out there. I am starting to lose hope and not trust anyone anymore. I have a few thoughts on this situation. This woman is not the culprit. So, the ex cheats, l eaves her for the woman, and then begins to cheat on his affair-turned-girlfriend with his ex.

    What is so upsetting to me is that this woman would actually even consider sleeping with him, even one time. When I was young, I dated a guy who was in a serious relationship. I was the other woman. I kept kidding myself that he would break up with her and would choose me. It was beyond toxic to my self-esteem and still makes me cringe. I also feel terrible that I did that to another woman. In other words, I hated myself.

    He begins having an affair with his ex-wife and tries to get back together. Because if someone cheated and left you for the person, how could you possibly want to have sex with him again? I could maybe see thinking about it, and maybe even considering it, but how could a person actually go through with it?? Hollywood tries to make us feel good with its movies. Look into her eyes when you talk about your hook-up status.

    Does she really agree that it's a good idea, or does she clearly think it'll turn into something more? Think about how serious the relationship was in the beginning. If you were only together for a month or two, then you're both much more likely to be okay with just hooking up than you'd be if you dated for a year or two. Make sure you're both okay with also hooking up with other people. If you're not, then why not just get back together?

    Make sure you only hook up. Though it sounds harsh, if you're going to hook up with an ex, then you should only hook up with her. Be honest about it. Don't make an excuse every time your ex wants to go somewhere public with you. Tell her that you're not looking for anything other than hooking up. Hooking up with your ex can be fun and exciting, but that doesn't mean you should do it every night, because guess what?

    That's starting to look like a relationship. If you're basically only hooking up with your ex, then you're not letting yourself meet other girls or have any fun on the side. The more time you spend together, the more likely you both are to be hurt, so keep it fun and spontaneous instead of setting a hook-up date for every night of the week. Keep it fun and spontaneous. If you see her out, then take her home. If not, then don't call her or text her to find out where she is. You're not supposed to care that much, remember? Don't get too comfortable. It can be tricky to hook up with an ex without feeling too comfortable.

    No cuddling, no passionate kisses as you leave, and no hanging out around the house in sweatpants eating cold nachos from the night before. All of these signs show that you're too comfortable in the non-relationship and that you're on your way to dating again. If you want to hook up with your ex without any trouble, then you have to maintain control of the situation at all times. Don't let her set the terms of your hook up, and try to keep things at her place so you remain the master of your own domain.

    Don't cancel your plans to hang out with your buddies if she wants to hang out; tell her you'll hang out with her if she's free. This doesn't mean you should tell your ex exactly what to do; you should find a time and place that works for both of you, but you shouldn't fall prey to her needs. Keep your new relationship private.

    This Is the Only Time It's Okay to Hook Up With an Ex

    Don't hang out with your ex in front of your friends, go to a party with her because she doesn't want to show up alone, or tell your friends that you've been hooking up with her again. The more people you bring into it, the more complicated things will get, and you should keep it simple -- just between the two of you.

    If you start going out in public with her and hanging out with her friends, they'll immediately disapprove and tell your ex that she should set the terms for your relationship. If you bring her out in front of your friends, then she'll start to feel like your girlfriend again. Avoid "lovey dovey" stuff when you're hooking up. Maybe when you were dating, you would be tender with your woman, telling her how beautiful she is, how much you love her, and how much you love the little dimples in her cheeks.

    Well, all of your Romeo-moves have to go out the door at this point, or she'll get the wrong picture. She'll think, "He said I'm beautiful -- he must still love me," or "He ran his hands through my hair -- it has to mean something. You can tell her how hot she is and how much you love her body, but stick to the sexy -- not the tender -- compliments if you want it to last. Stop if one of you starts developing feelings again. Unfortunately, it'll be hard to keep hooking up with your ex without having one of you develop feelings for the other person again.