Despite everything being instant these days texting, canned sandwiches, high-speed internet, get-rich-quick schemes , you have to give the relationship time to blossom, and it's not going to happen overnight.
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Let her gain your trust. You're a great guy, so don't blow it by proposing to the gal on the second date.
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Unfortunately, I've heard of stuff like that happening. You will strike out … and then wallow in sadness with a canned sandwich and instant oatmeal.
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Playing games with your prospective partner's emotions is reserved for teenagers. You're better than that. High school was years ago—you're a big boy now. I've found that being straight up with how you feel yields awesome benefits. Don't pull at her heart strings by playing games. Chances are she's already a little tender from stuff that's happened in the past.
But, then again, I only heard that through the grapevine, so I may be wrong. That's none of your business … yet.
Sure, if you get into a more serious relationship with her, her ex will more than likely be brought up, but for the time being, get to know her— not why she is a single mom. Get to know what makes her tick. Get to know what she loves. Get to know what she is passionate about. What's more enjoyable than a beautiful woman happily telling you about everything that she loves? Maybe sushi, but this definitely comes in as a close second. She may or may not have been emotionally broken in the past—you don't really know.
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Either way, do what you can to show her that you are a decent guy—open the door for her yes, the car door and the door into the restaurant , speak kindly about her and other people, be genuinely interested in her. Respect her feelings and respect her womanhood. Don't be coughing up the big bucks at some fancy restaurant just so you can get some later. That's low and, quite frankly, chauvinist. I've never been a single mom before, but I know a few, and they have got a ton on their plate.
Be someone who is willing to put aside everything that you are doing so that you can be excited or sad or angry or hopeful with the woman that is needing that support. If she says she's too busy with her kids to go out with you over the weekend, she probably really is busy with her kids.
Kids are a huge responsibility when two people are sharing the responsibilities, but now that she's taking care of the kids by herself, she's definitely going to have her hands full. Be patient and realize that although you may be an important part in her life, those kiddos are at the top of her list. I'm quite sure that you're going to have to have a connection with the kids in order to have a successful relationship with a single mom, but you've got to let the relationship with her kids happen when it happens.
When she feels comfortable with you, and she trusts you enough, you'll get to meet her kids, but you've got to take it slow. I love kids as much as the next guy, but you'll need give it some time. Good things come to those who wait. Give her time to trust you. Give her time to really feel able to share her feelings, her desires, her fears, her children, and herself with you. You've got your whole life to be married to her.
A Letter To The Scared Guy Dating The Single Mom
Clearly, dating is not the same for everyone. Louder for the people in the back! This means co-parenting with someone you broke up with or divorced. This one is big for me. My kids will always come first in the decisions that I make as far as their health and well-being and overall happiness. I had an ex say that he and my kids should come before me. I think I was somewhat lower on the list than housecleaning and making dinner.
Single parents need all the self-care they can get to do this job. We want connection and to fall in love, like anyone else, but we are not here for any of your bullshit if you just want to play games.
Not Your MILF: A Guide to Dating Single Moms – P.S. I Love You
Be real, or go home. There are so many challenges for single moms to date at all. I often have to work around their visitations with their dad or even their school schedule. We already have enough stress and responsibility without dating adding more.
Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.