Why do guys want to hook up with me but not date me

That's why it is. So how do you change it? Go after the guys who don't go after you. If you're hot, and you go after a shy or slightly awkward guy, or a geeky guy, then you will find a guy who will actually be interested in you for more than sex because you are actually interested in him. That's the downside of being a hot girl -- but it's a good problem to have; it beats the alternative of being unattractive and never having any choices when it comes to guys.

Guys are wired to desire attractive faces and bodies. But many guys are immature probably most , especially if they are years old. Use the selectiveness that your looks allow you to have -- choose from among the few guys who will also get to know the person you are and aren't in a rush to be physical. Is this happening at your school and stuff?

Guys at that age for the most part just want that. You will have to be picky and make it clear you won't just have sex on the first date or even the first month or indefinitely and then when the guys understand that a lot will not even try to get with you, and instead move on to the easy girls.

Another option is dating an older guy who has already gone through that phase. It happens to me a LOT to and I don't even post any pics of me. The only thing I can tell you is don't put any pics of you as your profile pic. Not to be rude but do you hook up with them? Because you may have gained a reputation. But you could have some bum days Sweats and a messy bun: Omg that's what happens to me ALSO we have the same problem: Let them know from the start that you are not that type of girl.

If they try to push you into hooking up stand your ground and stop talking to that guy and find someone else. Colour your hair brunette and grow in the beginning of your eyebrows. It'll stop you from looking so fake. Which will make more guys interested in dating you. Not all but some. First off, that's very rude. And secondly this has nothing to do with appearance. If I change my appearance that doesn't mean I'm going to attract guys like a magnate dumb ass.

I don't look fake. My hair is naturally blond and I tweeze my eye brows. That in no way makes me fake. I could get any guy I want, I just leave the nice ones in the friend zone. Don't try and tell me to "stop looking so fake" when you're probably much more unattractive and can't sustain a relationship. I've been dating the same guy for two years! And I'm far more attractive than you. Hookups tend to be based on aesthetics and sexual chemistry alone. I had sex with a lot of women who were absolutely not my type vastly different interests, beliefs, etc and it was purely about the physical.

If a girl took an emotional shine to me it was a turnoff. I was basically substituting self-worth for sex and it worked in the short-term. Every new attractive hookup was an affirmation of self, and my batting average was high. Probably a self-esteem thing too. Date material on the other hand, insofar as my subjective notion of it applies, is a girl who is creative, intelligent, fun, sweet, interesting, etc — all the things my girlfriend is.

I want to date the girl my mom would be proud of. I want to fuck the girl my mom would be appalled at. As men, we have two very distinct sets of standards. Want my cock tonight? However, dating means commitment. Dating carries a tremendous opportunity cost for the sexually active single male. You are throwing away an unknown amount of pussy, of unknown quality.

So if a man can find sexual satisfaction while single, the cost-benefit analysis of a relationship is pretty uneven. In order for the percieved benefits to outweigh the percieved costs, the girl in question needs to be an absolute no-brainer. Physical attractiveness, intelligence, sense of humor, core values, etc. Sensitivity Send a private message. I thought I was the only one in the world who feels the same way about this thing. I'm 30 and single. What happens is that I date only 1 or 2 guys a year and nothing lasts more than a month or two.

I go out in dates. Because I value intimate relationships, I haven't been able to be in a proper relationship because nothings lasts more than some dates. I haven't had sex with all the guys I've dated but I see that while I think of them as possible partners, they only see me as a sexual object. I am attractive with all modesty but at the same time I'm friendly, sociable, free-spirit, sensitive, a bit too romantic, I've never orgasmed with any partner I do orgasm when I satisfy myself though , but I need emotional attachment before feeling sexual orgasm.

I find myself being naive when I think that the guys I date want me more than just for sex, only to find out that they actually want sex out of me and nothing more. It's scary because last time I dated a year old guy, I was with him on 3 dates and last Friday he booty-called me. I didn't give in and I felt pretty disappointed as I thought he was different. Hi this is Mark. You need to focus on your kids. Dont worry about men. Why do women always feel they need a man in thir life? Be alone until the time is right. You giving up your body is a weakness.

I don't think "women always feel they need a man in their life". Bit sweeping and judgemental! I have a 13 year old child who's always come first. I also want to have companionship and love in my life.

Why do guys only want to hook up with me? - GirlsAskGuys

I understand the "my child must come first" but you must realize that would slam the door closed for me. In a marriage, a man and woman must be untied together as one and to say the child comes before the husband is to say the husband is seen in a secondary position. To say the child's needs and wants comes before the husbands is building on a sandy foundation. Of course, the other side of this is that the husband must be providing sufficiently that all the family's needs are being met so that it never comes down to choosing between a husband and a son.

As I said, I understand your thinking that your child comes first but with the right man, this could be seen as saying he comes second. I think some men will view this attitude as you telling them that the child will run the household. That the bond you have with your son will always be stronger than the one of you and your husband.

That's the door slamming for me. I'm sure many women will disagree. SeenItAll Send a private message. Hi, I have had the exact same issues as you with dating. It is ridiculously frustrating and I have no solution. I can tell by your writing that you are smart and ofcourse good looking because all these men are trying to sleep with you.

Frankly, I think this combination is deadly for dating.

Why do guys only want to hook up with me?

If you were a bit dumb or smart but not attractive maybe it would be easier. Would love to hear back from you. I'm in NYC, perhaps location is also an issue for you. Thanks for the reply, it was a long time ago I posted this and I guess there are some updates. The first one is that one of the guys who'd dated and dumped came back to me and asked me back out again. After a long period of him making amends, we dated briefly for a while and it had the same result he ran away.

Another one of the guys came back to me to "check in" and told me he was in a new relationship with a wonderful woman sent me a photo of them together and then asked me if I'd like to hook up because he still fantasised about me sexually. So clearly - this guy was just a total and utter jerk and as it transpired he didn't want to date anyone with children because he didn't want to feel responsible.

How To Know If A Guy Wants A Relationship Or A Hookup

So I guess with hindsight I have seen a bit that maybe I just picked sucky men. I am also in one of the world's biggest cities and I think that a men are spoiled for choice and enabled to treat women like crap and b a lot of men in their early forties who are on the dating scene are just douche bags and there's a reason they're single.

I am still single, but I no longer "do" online dating.


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I am just getting on with my life, happily, quietly single but feeling better for not letting some scummy guy come along and make me feel bad. I do feel lonely sometimes, but I think the world has changed and it's incredibly difficult to just meet someone genuine and normal. I agree it's probably easier if you're not that attractive.


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Edited on December 19, at How I feel for you. I listen to men who explain how they believe so many of today's women only see them as "walking wallets" in the same manner. Most of these men today point their fingers at Feminism and assert that it is what turned women against men woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle etc etc So as men male chauvinist pigs have been stripped of any of the earlier mores of "chivalry" they are often left with little else to offer but their sex drive. When I first got on the internet just after the mid 90's I was shocked to read teen girls lamenting, "my mom's Feminism has ruined men for me".

MGTOW men go their own way I've watched this progress since I was in UNI in the 80's. The middle class has withered, and you can watch the old TV reruns or old Movies and see a big difference between then and now. I don't think men or women are really happy with things as they are today, but that how it is just the same.

If you look at the Census maps of where the women are and where the men are you can see the New England area has a huge population of single women and southern California has the same of men. This isn't to say that it is hopeless today The irony that I personally experience every day is the sheer number of mid 30's to mid 40's women smiling at me and saying hello. It seems in the past 30 years all I got was suspicious or accusatory looks from them.

I think they would have been more friendly towards a skunk. I think you're right about the feminist movement changing things a little, but also internet dating and technology. I find whatsapp to be the killer of romance. It's like the laziest form of communication and a lot of "men" nowadays want to text all day and night and do nothing real.

I remember being younger and it wasn't like this. I had no trouble getting commitments. We'd meet, the guy would ask me out and we'd do stuff together,. No cheating, no surfing tinder for better options, no texting. Just fun together and even though those relationships didn't last at least they WERE relationships!

Now sometimes I date someone for 3 - 4 months and feel like we're still strangers. ShogunBigguns Send a private message. Sounds to me as if you are Dating "Down" at least as far as maturity goes. Thesadtruth Send a private message. Well with so many women nowadays that are very very busy sleeping around all the time which they will never find the time to commit to only one man anyway, especially since most women now like to just party all the time and get wasted with their girlfriends every chance they get. So how in the world would these kind of women be marriage material to begin with?

Not a chance at all since it is these women that just don't know what real commitment is all about. And to think back in the old days when most of the women at that time were very old fashioned and real ladies as well compared to the women of today that are so very pathetic altogether now unfortunately. No wonder why men in those days had no trouble at all meeting women since it definitely was a much easier time for them just like it was for our family members as well. Realitycheck33 Send a private message. Well with so many women nowadays that are sleeping around with different men all the time, they will never be able to settle down with only one anyway.

And with so many women that like to party with their girlfriends and get real wasted which tells the whole true story right there. So you are opening the sale, but not closing it. It's hard to say without knowing more details, but here are some possibilities. If you have sex with them, and they drop you, then you're right, they viewed you as an object. This means you're choosing the wrong guys to date.

If you don't have sex with them, and they drop you, there is a chance that you're putting up too many hoops for them to jump through. Men want to have sex with women they date. Is it possible that you're being too defensive and stand-offish, not allowing normal intimacy to develop? This doesn't mean you should jump into bed just because he wants to. But you sound a little defensive about how much they just view you as an object, and they might be getting the message and fleeing. Another possibility and these thoughts are all just possibilities is that you are too independent.

Guys do want to be needed, not to be mooched on, but to have a role in their partner's life. Do you allow room for this? Finally, this 2 year friend makes me wonder what kind of guys you like. After all, he was saying things to you he should have been saving for his gf. He doesn't sound like a standup guy. I don't mean to sound like I'm blaming you, but you are the common denominator so I think you need to look at what you're doing.

Because it's not likely that all the guys you meet are the kind who view women solely as sex objects. They tend to drop me after we have had sex, or they want to downgrade the relationship to friends with benefits telling me out of nowhere that they love being with me but just don't see me as a girlfriend. The last three said straight up "I love our time together and I want to keep seeing you but I just don't see us a boyfriend and girlfriend" and none of them could or would articulate why that was.

If I walk away they will keep coming back to me for sex or declaring they made a huge mistake I don't allow it obviously but they try. So it is really a case of them loving the sex bit or the chase part but not loving me! Many of them have gone on to have relationships with other women after me, so they're not incapable. Just didn't want it with me. I like to think I am attracted to nice guys, but maybe I am also drawn to men who are a little out of reach for some reason emotionally.

Not to say they are playing hard to get because they come on very strong with me, but I guess you could say that I never quite feel they are really giving me a chance if that makes sense? Hard to explain but maybe the term is emotionally unavailable, maybe I am attracted to emotionally unavailable men? Not in an obvious way, like the guys who don't call.

I always go for guys who call a lot and take me on nice dates and spoil me with lots of attention but maybe I sense they are holding something back from making a real effort at a relationship? I do it because I am shy, and, of course, if I say nothing, I cant put my foot in my mouth. But here's the thing, other folks see this as judgmental. I don't intend it that way, frankly I don't give a hoot if you smoke, drink, or gamble. But all too often people see those as vices and weakness, and feel I am judging. See what I did there? I have been mulling that over for a few hours, and possibly I am a little afraid of commitment or at least making a mistake.

The idea both makes me feel warm and hopeful and also send chills down my spine. Not in the sense that I don't want commitment, but more that I am worried about loving someone who will hurt or let me down. Once I start to like them I warm up and become very affectionate. Maybe this scares them off? One thing I am guilty of that I have been thinking over is maybe ignoring red flags. During the first stages I am very careful and critical and out of every men maybe 1 makes it through the gauntlet, but once he is through, I am a bit blind to flaws or problems.

I think sometimes I get red flags and ignore them and this has led to me being hurt. Like for example the MUCH younger guy who told me age didn't matter and then dumped be for someone much younger - because of course age does matter and deep down he wanted kids etc. Or for example the man who told me he hadn't had a relationship longer than 3 months in 5 years who broke up with me after three months.

So maybe psychologist hat on that was because subconsciously I was scared of commitment so I committed to people I knew weren't going to return that to me. Of course, once we diagnose the issue, we can work on that, cant we? We are all afraid of changing our lives. There is always the possibility we aren't changing it for the better. It does sound to me though, as you are actually wanting a man in your life, yet torn because of past experiences and situations.

That's the problem with being older and having the wisdom to recall our own experiences or experiences of others close to us, and not wanting to make those same mistakes again. Its an old saw, but, if you open your heart to love, you are also opening yourself up to be hurt. I feel this risk of being hurt is marginalized by the possibility of love. Watch out for those red flags! Follow your gut more.

Seriously, let's work with numbers that are more realistic. How many guys did you go on a date with in the last 12 months? Even if just once. In the last 12 months I have been on a date with two men, so not a lot. I am really fussy - maybe too fussy. I am always trying to establish they are worth it beforehand to try and avoid being hurt. Maybe I need to chill out! Kingslayer Send a private message.

What medium are you typically using to meet these guys? How old are they usually? A relationship with someone at work isn't a good idea. Maybe your teenage daughter scares them off. It's often difficult to find a single guy who is interested in dating a single mom. Lots of things could be going on here. I actually don't even let them meet my child!

I wish I knew what it was if there is something offputting: What have your friends told you? Mostly that I have just been unlucky and met very unpleasant men, and also that online dating tends to attract a lot of weirdos! Well, I am guessing your friends don't want to be critical of you As for meeting guys online, well, things are changing and that's a common media to meet them Maybe use some of the "old" methods?

Go to art shows and lectures. Take a few adult classes. Go to local club meetings. Go on church trips, meetings. The list goes on and on. I wouldn't totally ignore online dating, but there are disadvantages of such Hey, face it, you need to be physically attracted to him or it wont work and vice versa! Ha, yes there could be something really wrong with me and no one wants to say: TheFallen Send a private message. I'm a male , but I have some questions for you because I do not know the answers to your questions.. You have kids, so then what happened to kids father?

Why did you allow yourself to have kids? Was it your choice? Why don't you answer the other guys that text you or call you? They want y to love you physically so they try, but you wait too long or are you demanding? I find myself liking a woman at work ,in-fact, I'm afraid I'm thinking about her too much, and I think aboutb her sexually, my mind is all thoughts of her, what can I do to satisfy her and have her love me? I don't know but I can't answer your question because I want toehold her and have fun with her but also care for her, I don't know how to tell her Hi Fallen I have just one child who is I was 25 when I had him, he was very much wanted and planned but unfortunately after he was born his father wasn't interested in changing his lifestyle or putting the baby first, so I left.

I have offered him many times to see his child but he never wanted to. Why don't I answer? Well I do, politely, but I think it's difficult being a woman. It's difficult for a man to understand maybe, but the lengths men will go to for sex with a woman they find attractive is pretty far. I have men offering all sorts of stuff to me all the time. So I guess it's self defence. I am pretty innocent, I always believe what people say so I guess I avoid the disappointments if I can because in the past I have been really hurt.

I would just tell the woman at work how you feel: Thanks for that insiight, only I have chills going down everytime I think about asking her out About your child's dad: I assume the child was a surprise to him Now they won't want to be in a relationship, because they dont want to take on a responsibility that is not theirs, only the child's father can do that. Since your a mother, Are you treating your potential men like your child? This can be a big flaw. It's hard to balance what is what, really the question is what do you want out of your next boyfriend?

What are your expectations?

Why do guys only want to hook up with me

Are you in need of someone to run your errands? Or are you looking for romance? Or is money the motivator? Remember, Money corrupts anything In my situation, I really think about her, I care much less about the other women, i would only take her out for a nice time, nobody else,. It's like I can't focus or something Vagurlz Send a private message. I know this is an old post and many people have now either offered advice , suggestions and their insight. I am married, and may have a different viewpoint.


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By this time, you may not want any more advice