What you end up getting are obvious and indefensible double standards. That puts women in a very problematic purity box. This was spectacular, Shira. I hate how a lot of people who write about the hook up culture seem to forget that women can be and are autonomous beings. We have the ability to make our own decisions be they right or wrong. Along the line of performing gender and expanding the conversation beyond heterosexual sexuality , I wonder how much of hook-up culture is connected to constructions of masculinity and femininity apart from biological sex ; to narratives of dominance, submission, who initiates, who calls back, who looks for romantic connections and who wants to stay single.
Getting Down About Hooking Up
The researchers evaluated the self-esteem of each of the respondents, considering the bottom two categories as representative of casual sex. Here are my reservations about the study:. It makes no sense to include marrieds in a study on the impact of hookup culture. These long-terms monogamists represent over half the sample. The relevant comparison would be between singles hooking up and singles not hooking up. The study asks only about the single most recent encounter.
The study did not differentiate between the self-esteem levels of males and females. It is hardly surprising that males would not suffer a loss of self-esteem after a casual sexual encounter. In fact, they were probably downright elated in their responses! The findings were extrapolated from a study on nutrition, not the result of a study designed to ask this question. The study has been touted ceaselessly by the sex-positive media, but it clearly does not stand up to scrutiny. This is a really interesting post.
Though here girls are over 18 and in college. I do agree wholeheartedly with your conclusion.
We as women need to talk to girls about sexual pleasure and desire when we talk about sex-ed. She even gives advice to men who post ads on craigslist: This post was mentioned on Twitter by Felixosaurus: PRT and hope you'll comment on the site. I end the piece by saying that when it comes to sex: But knocking boots is hardly something new and I write about it for Ms. Magazine in my blog […].
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Know yourself, be yourself — while easy to say and yet hard to do, any relationship will go more smoothly and be more enjoyable if you know who you are and what you want from the relationship. Be honest with yourself and with everyone you have a casual dating relationship with — honesty is a prerequisite for trust.
If a relationship starts out with lies or partial truths, the long-term trust is difficult to build. Yes, you want to impress your date, but do it with exciting and interesting things that are based on the truth, not exaggerations or lies. Know what you want in a date and what you want in a long-term partner — focusing on character traits, values and personality types, create a short list of non-negotiable items that are instant deal breakers.
Be the date that you would like — having a successful date, hook up or casual relationship is the responsibility of both of you. People cannot read minds; no date will go perfectly unless both of you make the effort. Listen, interact, be interested.