How to handle ex dating friend

If they take sides, that's again very unfortunate, but sometimes happens, and I suggest AndreiROM's advice to find a new group that is more caring about you. I had such a conversation a few months ago. While it didn't magically make everything OK, the strategy of preparing questions and getting them answered made me feel satisfied that it went about as well as possible, and helped my peace of mind about dealing with that particular person in the future.

Your story is a little confusing, however the overarching theme is that your ex, and your friends are walking all over you.


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My advice to you is to look deep inside, realize that you're worth more than this, and move on with your life. Here are some hard facts:. Anyone willing to hook up with your friend behind your back is not worth the time of day. She's a cheater, and always will be.

Why You Never Date your Friend's Ex

Purge every trace of her from your life. Any so called friend who would hook up with your girlfriend behind your back is a back-stabbing fiend, and not worth having around. You seem to be in a fragile state of mind, but those things cannot be ignored. If you think you can simply rejoin the circle of "friends", and act like nothing's happened, then you think less of yourself than even they do.

I urge you to find new friends. Get out there, join a club, start up a new hobby! Find a reason to gain value in your own self before seeking the approval of strangers. Learn a new language and travel. Start painting, hiking, wall climbing, whatever captures your imagination. But stop fixating on these leeches you seem to think are your friends.

You're young, and it seems like without these people in your life you may be left alone, but give yourself some time to gain perspective. Trust in your own worth, and abilities. Focus on having this episode in your life become the moment you changed for the better, not on how you might ingratiate yourself with a bunch of back-stabbing a-holes who care nothing for you.

This is a situation I've found myself on all sides of over the years. The times I found myself in your position, there was usually the instinct to think and sometimes say:. It hurts to feel rejected by a partner, it hurts more when your friend " betrays " you and starts seeing your ex. I know how that feels and I know it sucks. Even if your friend had come to you first and told you about their intentions, it still hurts. It's easy to say that if they had done things this way, or that way, it would hurt less, but in my experience it doesn't.

Having been in the others roles of this situation, I can tell you that they didn't do that to you. They most likely got together the way most couples do, and that didn't really have anything to do with you. They're not dating to hurt you, they're dating because they like each other.

My issue is that given our history, I have no idea what my appropriate attitude should be towards them and how to interact with them when it comes to it. What would be a mature way to handle it, without me looking like a beaten dog? I know that's hard to hear right now, I hated hearing it too, and I hated saying it more.

Realistically it's all you can do if you want to have any sort of peaceful relationship with these people. Also, being happy for them and moving on shows that you're not a "beaten dog" It shows that you're strong enough to not let this stuff get to you.

It takes a lot of strength to carry on after a hard breakup, and it's better try to do it gracefully. Being happy for them shows that you're confident, and ok with your self as much as it says that you're ok with them. One of the key ingredients in any healthy relationship be it business, friendship, or romance, is Trust.

When your friend violated the ideal that you listed he destroyed your trust in him.

It’s never OK to date your friend’s ex – and this is why

This is extremely damaging to a relationship. If these two had been honest and had wanted to not betray you they would have A told you they were going to date each other. B she would have broken up with you before sleeping with someone else. I have to applaud your forgiving attitude towards your girlfriends initially. It takes a lot of effort and courage to forgive betrayals like you suffered. I'm sorry that you are going through this. Don't hang out with either of them.

If they show up at a party, just say hi and go find someone else to talk too. Don't invite them to anything you plan. If any one asks why you are treating them this way tell them something along the lines of, "They betrayed my trust.

I will be polite to them, But I have no desire to be around them. Try this on for size. You are presuming that Mike owed you some sort of interaction about this, and you are disappointed you didn't get it. Ok, now you also call yourself an introvert. If the shoe were on the other foot, and you were dating Mike's ex, would it have occurred to you that you owed Mike a conversation? Ok, if it did Would you feel eager to have that conversation?

Maybe Mike or Jane is going through that. If there's tension in the room, it maybe ain't just yours. Or for that matter, they could have tension you do not. Some of the tension might be imagined worry over what the other might think. You can look to the past and count all the ways your feelings hurt. Or you can look to the future and decide what kind of relationship you'd like to have with them going forward. The clearer and more self-true you are on this, the better it will work.

And then you can outreach them and figure out where they're at. It may be they are relieved to know that what they presumed to be a problem for you is in fact not. Also, cut your ex some slack. It's hard to navigate them well even when both of you have the best character and intentions. It's the human condition but it doesn't define our choices. Thank you for your interest in this question. Because it has attracted low-quality or spam answers that had to be removed, posting an answer now requires 10 reputation on this site the association bonus does not count. Would you like to answer one of these unanswered questions instead?

Home Questions Tags Users Unanswered. How to interact with a friend dating my ex-girlfriend when we hang out? Background Jane and I belonged to the same group of friends since childhood. Problem Her dating Mike, in fact, did not surprise me that much. I'm voting to close this question as off-topic because we cannot give relationship advice.

Questions at IPS require a goal we can address within the context of interpersonal skills. First of all, please narrow this down to 1 question, so the extra questions bit has to go. What exactly is your goal here? Why are you asking us, and what are you asking us for help with? Do you want to have a frank talk with Mike about not telling you, so that hopefully things are talked out before you ever have to interact with both of them?

Do you want to 'act normally' which we can't answer since we don't know what's normal for you? Tinkeringbell I edited out the extra question.

9 Ways to Deal with Your Friend Dating Your Ex Love

What I want is to keep my friends including Mike and basically not address the fact of them dating. Dealing with related issues myself, so my heart really goes out to you, but like the above comments - you have to figure out what you want to do first, and then we can help you figure out how. EmC Thank you for input. I don't have to stay in contact with them, but I want to.

Yes, by keeping the friends, I meant keep hanging out with them, I edited the question to be more clear about that. I'll start out by quoting apaul's very gracious answer: There are 14 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page. Have a conversation with your friend about your feelings.

Explain that you may be distant until you can fully get over your negative feelings. Hear out what they have to say before jumping to conclusions. Be honest with your friend. It's okay to tell your friend how you feel.

1. Ask for Respect

If you wish that you'd had a heads up about the relationship, it's okay to tell them that. If you feel angry or betrayed, make sure that your friend knows but make sure not to lose your cool. An honest conversation will make you feel better and give them a better understanding of where you stand.

I'm still not over him. Ask your friend to avoid talking about the relationship around you. Speak to your friend and ask them to avoid talking about their new relationship if possible. This may help you maintain the friendship and could make you feel better about the situation. Would you mind avoiding talking about her for right now? If you get over the past relationship, you can say something like "Remember when I said I didn't want to talk about John?

I'm over it now, so if you want to talk about him, I don't mind. Let your friend know that you still value your friendship, you just need a little time and distance to heal and process your feelings. It also destroys the potential for your friend and ex to create a good relationship and find happiness. Resist the temptation to badmouth your ex. If you find out that your friend is dating your ex, you might feel the urge to dish the dirt on your ex or sabotage the relationship.

Ultimately, however, this could just end up damaging your relationship with your friend. Ask yourself whether sharing this information will accomplish anything positive.

Allow yourself to feel angry or sad at first. If you want to cry or scream into a pillow over the breakup, allow yourself to do it. Avoiding negative feelings can extend the time you feel angry or sad. Instead of repressing your emotions, allow yourself to feel the emotions from the breakup so that you can get over it quicker. Lean into the feelings instead. Avoid doing things just to get back at your ex, like dating one of their friends in retaliation.

Write down a list of reasons why you and your ex broke up. Think about the reasons you broke up with your ex in the first place. If you're concerned about your friend because of prior experiences with your ex, it's okay to express that. Just make sure to keep to the facts so that it doesn't look like you're bashing your ex. Signs of an unhealthy relationship include constant fighting, belittling, volatility, manipulation, and jealousy. Get rid of stuff that reminds you of your ex.

If you have items from the relationship, it may be harder to get over your ex. Get rid of anything sentimental that you own to help distance yourself from them. This will potentially reduce your negative feelings and help you maintain your friendship. Stop following your ex on social media. Following what your ex and friend are doing online is unhealthy and could help feed negative emotions. Distancing yourself from that imagery may help you get over the breakup and prevent you from feeling angry or sad at the situation.

You don't have to block your ex, but you can if it makes you feel better. Take a break from seeing your friend. Stop calling, texting, and asking to hang out with your friend.