Separate names with a comma. Search this thread only Search this forum only Display results as threads. What to do if your sister or daughter is dating a loser? Nov 10, Messages: Mar 8, 1. Mar 8, 2. The more you warn the more they have to stay with them to prove they are in charge of their life, not you. Mar 8, 3. Mar 8, 4. So, I need some advice on how to approach this situation with my sister.
(Closed) Help, my sister is dating a loser
She is dating an apparent loser. My sister is nearly 23 years old, the youngest child. She is extremely intelligent and has always been something of an artsy free spirit. A few months after graduating university last year she moved to a new city, where she knew no one, for a job in her field. Since moving to this new city, she has fallen in with a less than savory crowd, and from this crowd she has begun dating a guy who sounds like a real loser.
I have not had the opportunity to meet him myself, but my parents have and they disapprove big time. Not that they think he is a bad person, just that she could do so, so much better. My parents are really cool and I trust their judgment.
Her boyfriend is 28 years old with no college education and two dead-end part-time jobs. He lives with his unstable alcoholic mother for his own financial reasons. He evidences no ambition in life for his career. Additionally, the two guys that my sister dated previous to this one were cut from the same cloth 6 to 10 years older, no education, no job, no ambition, crazy families.
My sister keeps dating losers
The previous relationships have lasted less than a year, and she is only a few months in with this guy. She states that it is not important to have shared life goals, similar ambitions and beliefs, and similar-ish backgrounds, etc. My mom is panicking that my sister is going to get really emotionally involved despite what she says, fall in love, and marry this guy or someone just like him. I agree that my sister seems to be in a pattern of dating loser guys.
How can I talk to my sister about her loser boyfriend streak? Have you ever been in a similar situation, and if so what did you do? He was 20 and the last straw was when he got to spend a couple days in jail for DWI. When he asked her to come pay his bail she dumped him. I rejoiced every time they got dumped. Not much advice—my brother said the same things about the girls he dated.
I hope somebody has some good advice for you; all I have is empathy! You should not try and talk her out of it. Prince Charming… I probably would not have noticed my Prince Charming, had I not been young and stupid, dating losers! Sadly, I have to agree with Lillindy… my sister dated a loser too and my family tried to talk her out of it. I dated a not-so-great guy for almost 4 years that my parents never really liked.
The more you control someone the more you make them feel insecure about themselves and their abilities and as a result they remain in a childlike state of mind. She is as much at fault here as your parents and perhaps they are more so to blame because they are reinforcing the 'child' image through their need to control aspects of her life by telling her y'you are living under our roof, we own you, therefore you have no personality and we will tell you what is best for you because you are a child and cannot be responsible for yourself'.
Your parents need to realise that although she is living in their house she is an adult and she is entitled to make her own decisions about her social and dating life. Making demands on her when they know she is in a vulnerable state is manipulative and callous. If they want to help her stand on her own feet and take responsibility for herself they need to have a calm discussion with her and during that discussion to mention that she is an adutl and they believ she is able to make her own decisions as such they will respect that she wants to date this guy and they believe she is smart and capable enough to find a job and start suporting herself.
They should together set a deadline by which she needs to have found a job and make a list of the steps she needs to take to find one ie. Making demands and forbidding her doing things she wants to do will only make things worse for her. She needs to be supported in a constructive way that will help her believe in herself rather than be made to feel useless and incapable of being her own person.
Your dad should do whatever he feels like doing. So does your sister. It's really not up to you. Sorry, I didn't realise she was still studying.
My sister is dating a loser. Me, my mom, and dad do NOT approve.
That makes things a bit more complicated! I think your idea about making it clear that she will be supported until she finishes her degree at the beginning of the year and then she will need to find a job is good. It gives her plenty of time to plan for the future and putting some reasonable pressure like that will help her realise that this is not a permanent situation-she will need to find a job and support herself. Let's also not forget that there plenty of students out there who study and work part-time as well and this is something she could consider as well.
Just like your parents need to back off from controlling her, she needs to realise she has to take responsibility for herself and of course finding a job and becoming financially independent is paramount to that. People can be very immature when they have someone else holding their hand and knowing that their parents are taking care of everything and tthus feeling like they can go out and have fun without a care in the world.
- My sister is dating this total loser!? | Yahoo Answers.
Once they get a job and they start having to pay for rent and bills things change; they mature and it is then that they are able to view that some things they have been doing or certain people they chose to allow in their lives are not good for them. If this guy is no good , I'm sure she will realise it sooner or later. The more you try to control this the more he becomes 'the forbidden fruit' that needs to be pursued even more.
She might also view staying with him as her rebellion against parental authority. This is why it is important to let this go.
Also, make sure that when your parents have this discussion with her they don't present working and supporting herself as punishment for staying with this guy. She can stay with this guy but regardless of that she is an adult and she has to start supporting herself in order to become independent.
Originally Posted by searock. One more thing before I forget! I like the idea of the timeline thing. I think my sister is on board I had a quick chat with her. Later this week, I'll get a chance to talk to my parents, and get them on board too. And then hopefully my sister and parents could have a civil discussion.
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I think tis a great idea, and the only way that both my sister and parents could come to an agreement. She has no idea how difficult it is. I swear, she is a lucky kid, and everything has been handed to her. She hasn't had to work for herself. I think she is in for a big surprise, if this goes through.
The question I have, is what happens if my sister DOES get her degree, but she is not ready to move out? What do you do then?