He kept asking the entire weekend and I just put it off, trying to set myself up for the next week instead. The next weekend came and I didn't hear anything from him at all. On Monday, I casually contacted him after work just to say hi. The discussion drifted toward our non-date. He stated that he had wished I had essentially been more proactive about going on the date and thought I wasn't interested because I delayed by a week which wasn't the case. So, we worked through it and agreed to go out the next night.
Despite my initial nervousness, it went really well. We held hands the whole time and just had fun. When he dropped me home, he said I would definitely see him again. The next morning, he texted me early to say the date was totally worth it, etc. I was basically on "Cloud 9" and he continued to initiate contact every day. Our second date was a few days before he went away for two weeks for the holidays.
He wasn't feeling well and I told him we could re-schedule, but he insisted on us going out. Admittedly, it was a bit of a comical disaster because I did the planning lunch and a movie and the restaurant didn't take reservations so we had to wait. Not the end of the world, but it's mortifying when you want to impress someone with your planning skills.
In any case, we had lunch and went off to the movies. Again, a lot of hand holding throughout the movie followed by gelato and a walk around the complex. When he drove me home, I got us both lost and thought I had irritated him. Regardless, he stayed for a little bit and went home. I texted him to say thanks for a great time and to get some rest. I didn't hear anything back, but wasn't really concerned because he was driving home and going to bed.
The next day, nothing. I sent him a text later that night to see how he was feeling. Normally, it would be nothing entirely out of the ordinary, but it was still a little anxiety-inducing because we were always in constant contact at this point. I knew he was leaving for his trip, so I sent him a light message stating that I hope he made it safely, to have fun and that I hoped to hear from him soon. That was the last text I sent almost two weeks ago and I haven't heard anything at all, even with him being back now a few days.
I did have the initial concerns that I did or said something stupid, but I know I really did nothing wrong. Some friends say to give him a few days to get settled back; others say to contact him. After reading your post, however, I'm wondering if I should just fly with the no contact rule. All signs up until his disappearance pointed to him liking me, so perhaps it's simply a matter of him figuring things out or needing some space.
In true Pisces fashion, I am not confrontational and I hate being all up in a guy's face. Do you think I should text him or just let the NC advice you give stick? Mariana, LOL, it works. It's crazy, but it works. And the reappearance usually takes place within one to two months of no contact. So he's just reassured you of your value to him ;- I think I'd hang back here a bit. Generally, I wait for a second attempt, or repeated attempts, depending on how much of a jag he was to you in the first place.
The bigger the jag, the longer the wait, LOL. If I were you, I'd hang back and wait for his second attempt. Because since he's done this, I guarantee you that he's sitting back, waiting for you to come to him now. I suggest waiting so that a man really gets to the point that he misses you.
If they make repeated attempts, then you know they're genuinely interested. If they don't, then you know they're not. Jasmine, Generally, a "Oh, I've just been super busy lately. I kept meaning to get back to you, but everytime I was going to, something kept popping up" will do. I don't worry much if they think I'm playing games. As a matter of fact, I don't worry much about what the guy thinks about me at all, LOL. Because by the time I've gotten to the point that I'm ready to use no contact, they've already disrespected me in some manner - and didn't give a rats ass what I thought about them for doing that - so I don't worry about what men will think about me - that don't worry what I'll think about them.
Besides, men pull the disappearing act on women all the time. It's the oldest trick in the book. And when they do that, of course you think they're playing games. But does it really change anything for you? Nine times out of ten, no it doesn't. You let them back in. And I believe they do the same, LOL. Because let's face it, women have the power.
Women hold the key. Women have something that men want - which is why they return ;- Also, there's psychology at work here with this tactic. It plays into the simple fact about human behavior that - people want what they can't have. And that's the magic of no contact. The longer you stay away, the more they want you.
The more they think about you. The more they worry that you may be gone for good. And when they worry, it's actually a good thing. Just like how when they disappear on you - all you can think of is THEM. Well, it works both ways. When you disappear on them, all they can then think about, is YOU.
And the more a man thinks about you, the more he desires you. The more he wants what he can't have. This is called the Law of Scarcity and it's a psychological fact.
It's used in economics and the marketplace everyday. When a manufacturer can make 7 million units of something, but at the holidays, they only make 2 million, they do this on purpose. Because people will become obsessed with the need to have their product. They'll spend hours standing in line, searching stores, attempting to get this elusive item. The manufacturers know that by withholding, they're creating lots of "buzz" about their product.
And people won't stop searching for it. Come March, they're still hunting it down. More than they would have, had they been able to go right to the store and get it at the snap of a finger during the holidays. I write about it in detail in this article here: They can't help themselves.
Men love a good challenge, sweetie ;-. It's not necessarily something "wrong" but it is something that women often do, the causes a man to withdrawel. He didn't change his. Let me just point out some things here for you to consider: But then, all of a sudden, THIS happens: That scares men and it makes them withdrawel. They look for that change in a woman's behavior. They pull back on purpose, it's a test. They want to know, "Will she freak out? Is she emotionally unstable? Will I be able to live like that?
Will it turn into work and not be fun anymore? And when a woman switches gears and becomes the pursuer - the guy is suddenly convinced that the change in her behavior is indicative of the fact that this is headed, full speed, into relationship territory - way before he's ready. So you're thinking went from this: Instead of conducting yourself with him as you had in the very beginning - which was confident, cool, calm, collected and slightly indifferent didn't care.
But then suddenly, YOU became insecure and anxiety ridden and acted upon those emotions. And he caught a whiff of that. The worst thing you could do right now is to listen to those girlfriends telling you to contact him and pursue him - the very thing that made him pull back in the first place. And ask those girlfriends how many times that's worked for them. I bet the answer will be - never.
Initiate no contact immediately. And realize, this usually takes a month or two to work and have the guy reappear. But the point here is, you want him to miss you. You want him to think about you. Reminding him that you exist and attempting to convince him to date you completely defeats the purpose. If you do that, he won't miss you, he won't think about you. Because you're reminding him that you're right there. Give him plenty of space and time to process his thoughts and feelings over this and to miss you and think about you and return to inquire as to how you've been.
That's how you know a man is genuinely interested in you - he pursues YOU. And if he doesn't, he was only half interested and he wasn't the one. In the meantime, to grasp this concept further, check out this piece here: You are driving the car relationship and you are now effectively letting fear and insecurity steer the wheel. Don't ever act upon those emotions. I really appreciate that and what you're pointing out makes a lot of sense.
He was doing the pursuing and now I've changed it up. It's really hard, yes, because we have so much in common in terms of interest and world views, but I don't want to drive him away, either. Some friends guys and girls think I need to be more aggressive in going after him if I'm truly interested, but that's never been my nature and I don't see myself starting that now.
Anonymous, I know you want to listen to your friends, honey, as they do have your best interest at hear. But here's the harsh reality: Women tell you to pursue. It makes the woman appear desperate and needy to the man. And yes, men sleep with a woman who does this. Because they were only half interested to begin with. And had the woman held back and not pursued, she would've seen that and saved herself lots of pain from permitting herself to be used. And men will tell you this because. Men like to make things EASY for themselves. Things like - getting laid.
And regardless of whether they admit it or not, all men somewhat stick together with regards to that. Again, they will sleep with a woman that throws herself at them. However, very rarely do they enter into a healthy, non-drama, long term relationship with one. If a guy genuinely likes you honey, he'll come seek you out. It's really that simple. Men pursue, women submit. And that hasn't changed since the dawn of time.
If you want a two month fling - pursue him. If you want the real deal - let him come get you. A man named Peter just commented on this post here: I can tell you very much that what Aphrodite outlines here is exactly what you need to do. None of the material out lined in the post is manipulative or game playing.
It is how you need to behave to protect yourself and sort the genuine, secure, squared away, complete man from the guy who just wants to use you. But when it comes to a good lady, they are shallow, insecure, arrogant little kids. If you want a good man - wait for the right one to step up to the plate and come get you: Thank you, thank you!
I am going to take your advice of continuing the 'no contact' and see what happens. Thinking back on how things have went - everything you said is true. Even when I had tried to set up plans for our second date like a lot of people with "my best interest at heart" advised me to do , he agreed to go see a particular movie we wanted to see, but didn't say much beyond that. Instead, he was the one who did the asking the following week. I am kicking myself for changing my behavior when I had no reason to I was just trying to be a little more "proactive" than I normally am , but it's been done and now I just have to do this.
I've had guys come back into my life at various times after no contact and if he's really into me, the same will happen. I'll post a follow-up if anything changes! I met a guy last july who has been introduced by one of my close friend. He said he left his GF last January because of horoscope problem and then I said its better we will resolve them very begining.
But he didn't show me that he realy want to do it. And sometimes he was saying want to resolve everything otherwise he wil face anoter heartbreak. Even I did agree for that. Time to timehe was saying that he wants some time to forget his ex and I agreed. But we were calling and meeting each other. Then suddnly end of september he said still I haven't a feel on you and I want to make my mind from ex.
It is a pain that she is getting marry in next month. Then I said without a feel I can't stay with you its ok I will accept your decision. I droped a mail by saying I want to talk with you. But he didn't try to contact me even when I was online. Still he hasn't contacted me. I like him and wanted him. I can not understand why he is acting like this. And he didn't try to make a feelkind of.. Please Please help me. Anonymous, Honey, you can't make a man love you or want a relationship with you: And honestly, I think it's a good thing that he's not stringing you along, so be thankful for that.
Because he could be doing that right now and he isn't. So that tells me that he respects you, and that's a good thing. If it was meant to be, it will be. If it wasn't, then it won't. But you haven't done anything wrong here and I don't think this has anything to do with you. It sounds like he's suffering from a bit of depression and that's something he needs to work out before entering into another relationship. If he's genuinely interested, he'll contact you.
I wouldn't contact him anymore, if he likes you, he'll be back. Just give him enough time to sort this all out and see what happens. And if he doesn't come back, then it wasn't meant to be. Dear Mirror, Mirror on the Net, Do you believe that if it's meant to be, it's meant to be - in terms of our destiny with a man or husband to be, is already mapped out by the Power that Be's? Or do you think, we can muck it up and so we move on and meet someone else? Or do you think, if we muck it up, that was part of our destiny anyway as our destiny is fixed, therefore it wasn't really a muck up as our true love is in our future.
Anonymous, I believe that life leads you, through a series of convoluted experiences and twisted paths - to right where you're supposed to be. I've had bad things happen, very bad things, that made me think everything was over - only to find that somehow, through that horrific experience. I ended up right where I was supposed to be. And had it not been for those bad experiences that seemed so awful at the time - I never would've ended up there. So you see, sometimes we meet people and experience different situations, good and bad, for a reason.
If you meet a guy and you think he's Mr. Right and he turns out to be Mr. Because it could be that that bad experience teaches you something - something valuable that in the future, you will need to accomplish your ultimate end goals. Consider this for example. I met a wonderful man years ago. However, at the time, I didn't recognize him as such, so I sent him away, twice. We're not together and he's married now and I'm very happy for him. So that when I do meet my Mr. Right - I don't blow it again like I did with that one. And I've met idiot men that I really liked for some unknown reason and they put me through the ringer.
But the next time I met an idiot man, I didn't let him put me through the ringer, I protected myself and didn't get hurt. I think sometimes, life has to hammer us out thanks, Stewart, if you're still reading here ;- into the people we're supposed to be - through bad experiences that challenge us, our ways of thinking and our ways of seeing things and the world.
So that when you're ultimate destiny appears before you, you're all hammered out and ready for it. Life hammers you out - so that you become the best person you can be - so that you're READY for your destiny, once it appears before you. Because if you're destiny appears before you - before you're ready for it and before you're able to recognize it - you may screw it up, lose it or not recognize it and blow it.
Essential #2 Have the Right Tools and Skills
I think everything happens for a reason, honey. Good and bad - it's all supposed to happen. You learn valuable lessons through all of the experiences that ultimately turn you into the best version of yourself that you can be. I just shared a story of mine with regards to this in a comment on this post here: And I couldn't understand why that was happening to me or what I did to deserve that. But you know what? Had it not been for that horrible divorce, I wouldn't be where I'm at today. And I'm right where I was supposed to be.
I am online dating at the moment. Before Christmas I met a new guy. We hit it off straight away, and had a definite mutual attraction and had loads to talk about. Date 2 he invited me to his for dinner - I was hesitant at first as I knew what it would probably lead to, but I said yes anyway - he cooked me a lovely meal, we talked non-stop and things were great. He lives an hour away on the train from me and I was due to get the We arranged date 3 for a few days time, and that morning he cancelled on me saying he'd forgotten he'd organised an osteopath appointment he said he never writes it down and so he relies on them calling him that morning to remind him He said he was an idiot, he was really sorry, etc.
He had tried calling me but i'd missed the call, and he text saying he'd try and call me later. He called me later as promised, and he apologised again. He said he'd be really busy over the next couple of weeks over the Christmas break and also his brother was getting married before new year. No plans were set for after the new year, but the implication was that after new year we would meet up. From day 1 I was always the one to text him first, but he always responded within minutes and always with questions to keep the conversation flowing.
At this point I decided to just not text him to see what happened. I had no reply We texted a bit Christmas day, but he didn't ask me any questions which he usually does. Boxing day I text him again this is still before i found your site! Then I decided not to contact him. I knew his bro's wedding was on the 30th, and that he'd be spending time at this place with no reception I assumed when he got back home and the wedding was over I would hear from him.
But i've heard nothing. Since then my friend directed me to your site and I now know what to do i am eternally grateful for this information!! A friend of mine has suggested I contact him at some point and say something like 'Hi, i assume that you're not interested in seeing me again, so i just wanted to say good luck with everything and it was nice meeting you'. In which case he has the option then of saying 'yes, I'm not interested' or is left panicking he may lose me if he is interested.
Because even if he does like you, that'll tick him off. Send that and your guaranteed never to see him again. You've done plenty of the pursuing here. And with this new guy Let him pursue you. Men view that as needy and clingy and insecure. So don't go there with this one. The only way your going to know if he genuinely likes you or not is to see if he pursues you.
Hi Aphrodite, I've been dealing with a taurus for tye last couple of year 7 years to be exact , We've tried FWB, relationships, etc. But it never worked out, we would break up, freese each other out, etc. We exchanged txts for the holidays and a couple of days afterwards he txted me wanting to see me. We talked about the status and he said he likes me but he hates the baggage relationships brings etc.
But he said he's willing to work on it to which I said yes do it for yourself and he agreed. We've been exchanging txts everyday since but its never long though I have purposely not intiated and he would. Today he didn't respond and knowing taurus' through your article, I didn't press it. I know it's only one day but I am afraid that'll he dissapear again but long story short, let's say he dissapears and I apply the 30 day no contact rule, when I respond, what if he hints at having sex again?
What should I do then? Or should I should move on by then? And he was afraid to it or he didn't like me? He is 5 years elder than me. I need to make my mind. Its going up and down with the words he said. Yes I know I didn't do anything to hurt him. Your advice has always helped me and I thank you for that. I dated this person for a while- then he disappeared-and reappeared about two months later.
We started seeing eachother and suddenly he fell back again - He has an important test that is coming up- I took a step back and decided to let him be- he texted me on New Years and has always kept in contact with me. I assume if he didnt give a crap he would simply dismiss me. I care a great deal about this person and notice that I reach out to him but I would like for him to do his part and show me he cares or at least where i stand. What should I do? How do I shift the balance of power?
If he resurfaces and hints at sex, to me that's a red flag - if his biggest concern upon returning is simply sex. And if that's the case, if you think you can handle a casual sexual relationship, then feel free. Personally, I don't think there's any such thing as "casual" sex for women, the act releases endorphines in their brain that begin to bond them to the man in emotional ways. But that's not to say that there are no women out there doing it successfully as I imagine there are. You just can't care is all. So if you think that's possible and you won't begin to care, then get involved.
However, if you think you're going to care, then don't get involved because if you do, you're going to get hurt. You can't get hurt unless you care. And if he's simply seeking sex, he cares to use you. If he doesn't, then it wasn't meant to be. This doesn't have anything to do with you. This is happening because he's suffering that his ex is getting married and it's probably caused him some sadness. He needs some time to process all of those feelings and when he does, he may come back.
And in order for him to miss you, you have to disappear. And when you disappear, you have to stay gone. You need to use "no contact" honey. And it will take a while, probably a month or two, but he'll eventually come to you. The only way to know if a man likes you or not is if he pursues you.
And he can only pursue you if you let him - meaning, walk away and see if he follows. No contact sounds scary, but it works. And if you read in the recent comments over on the post below, you'll see women posting their stats right now on how often men come back. And the reality is that when you walk away from them, that's exactly what they do: Submit your own stats there. Women are making lists of all the men they've dated. They're listing how many returned and how many didn't.
We're also finding that when they stay gone for good, many of them actually broke up with the woman he was the dumper, she was the dumpee. So what we're attempting to identify now is - are the one's who dumped you not coming back because you kept pursuing them after they dumped you? Some women are finding that's the case. While others are seeing that even if they were the one's who were dumped, if they didn't contact the man afterwards and used no contact, the men returned for one reason or another relationship or friendship.
In either event, we're seeing cold hard facts over there in women's stats strongly suggesting the use of no contact works. We're also seeing that many, many men return. Hi Aphrodite, January 6, I know taurus' like routine so I feel guilty for not responding but I won't until I get your go ahead Cancer Woman mirror, thank you very much for your advice. I will def start no contact today, I must admit that it may be hard but I need to know where I stand no I won't find out if I keep trying to be the man in the relationship, simply bc I am scared that he won't step up.
Keeping my fingers crossed and hoping he steps it up. Because I gather that you feel he has the upper hand right now and he's the one calling the shots and you're feeling a bit used possibly and helpless? Assuming that's the case, then I'm going to say, no - don't respond immediately. He can't keep disappearing and resurfacing at will and then getting attention and affection from you when he does.
Think of it like this: If a child misbehaves, do you reward the child for that behavior? If a dog misbehaves and chews your shoes, do you give the dog a treat for doing so? Never reward bad behavior and poor treatment with attention and affection. Because if you do, this becomes a learned response. Meaning, the next time they want attention and affection, they misbehave. When they want attention, they don't care if it's good or bad behavior that garners it, they just want the attention - period.
So when they learn that mom ignores good behavior but she freaks out over bad behavior, they misbehave knowing that this is what gets her attention. Never treat someone like a priority while they're treating you like an option, sweetie. You mirror his behavior to level the playing field here. To give yourself a feeling of control and to make him respect you and realize that when he misbehaves, he doesn't get your attention. It's only when he treats you well that he gets your attention.
Mirror his behavior and return that text in the morning. Continue to do that and eventually, he'll get the picture and hopefully, he'll realize that he can no longer take you for granted and treat you poorly - and still have access to you. Recently, I was casually dating a guy for a couple of months.
We went on a couple dates then we stopped talking. He reached out to me a month later and we began casually dating again. I enjoyed our time together. I do admit I had some insecurities and would ask him was he talking to other people or did he need his space. He replied he didn't need his space and that when he is talking to someone he doesn't talk to other girls. I respected his answer and asked him did he feel we needed to back off. He stated he was open to whatever I wanted, whether it be a relationship, friends, etc.
We were intimate after 4 months of dating I made him wait 4 months. I told him now that he got what he wanted that I probably wasn't a challenge to him anymore. When I told him I am still considering moving out of state he looked a lil annoyed and disappointed.
A day or two later I told him I was sorry if I was pressuring where we stood and that I need to stop over analyzing things and let our relationship flow. I'm not the type of girl that pours out my feelings, but I told him I was starting to like him a lot and I thought he was a good guy from what I had seen so far.
He replied "how am I a good guy? Almost like he didn't even know if he was a good guy or not. I was so confused and hurt. I didn't contact him during this time and gave him his space. I thought he would be upfront if he wasn't interested since we had a conversation that we would tell each other if it wasn't working. So that he was aware that I knew, I texted him that I wish him the best in his new relationship.
I haven't texted or contacted him since nor has he reached out to me. Just the other day I was talking to somone outside and he slowly drives past me as if he wanted to be seen. I just smiled and waved. Is he playing mind games? Why use the disappearing act? Hurt and Confused, Honey, I think you let your insecurities steer the wheel here a bit. I wrote this in another article: Men don't communicate like that, talking about their feelings and revealing their inner thoughts all the time. And when a woman starts that, the man begins to sense she's insecure and thinks she's needy.
All that talk of emotions is like "man repellent" bug spray. Particularly when it all takes place before the MAN asks for a commitment. He sees them dating as suddenly heading into relationship territory at hyper speed. And the only time a man considers himself to be in a relationship with a woman is: It simply means he's not dating another woman is all.
And it doesn't mean that he won't begin to date one in the future. He views what he did as perfectly acceptable because he didn't make a commitment to you he only informed you he wasn't talking to anyone else and he didn't view himself as being in a relationship, as he never asked for one. Again, because he never asked for a commitment or agreed to be exclusive.
And when a guy says something like this, "when he is talking to someone he doesn't talk to other girls. Men say what they have to say to accomplish what they want to accomplish. And to think that a man won't strike up conversation with another woman simply because he's already speaking to one or casually dating one isn't realistic. That can only be expected when the two are in a committed relationship, which I don't think he felt he ever entered into here, regretfully.
If he's genuinely interested, honey - he'll come back. And if he doesn't, then it wasn't meant to be: Thanks for the feedback. This has definitely been a life lesson. In time, I know I will heal and learn from this experience. You are awesome MOA! Jan 7, , Kept small talk to a minimum and he said he was going to a friend's house.
I kept it aloof and he was being more attentive than usual. Anonymous, I'm telling you, nine times out of ten, this works. And next time you talk to him, try this. Just disappear and go silent for an hour or so. And do that when you think conversation is coming to and end. Don't say, "Bye" or "I'll talk to you later. Next thing you know, they're contacting you regularly trying to keep your attention, LOL. From Anonymous 6th Jan You and I have exchanged comments before: I know that may sound difficult to comprehend.
But allow me to elaborate. Every single man I've been with, I truly believe, led me to my ex. But, when he started pulling away much less romantic texts, less contact, no grandiose dates set up by him anymore after a perfect start for three months solid Yes, keeping him interested in the short term with her advice was fine I feel to blame for obviously trusting her, but I am so angry with her as I totally told her some of the stuff she was advising was against my instinct she'd never met him and I knew him and your instinct protects you right and instinct always knows best.
He did not call me for one week once, five days another time, three days another time, so I wanted to wait many days to respond to him he'd have just kept calling, I know him as that's what he used to do if I didn't answer the same day I'd get calls till I picked up on the third one , had I given him half the chance after he pulled away.
The coach said, "oh some men don't like ringing much, it's just not them it's fine. No wonder he never blew my phone up wandering where I was and getting more keen and getting more attached to me. Then he began calling the shots of what night to meet too, yet the coach said to go along with it and be available every date and not cancel any which I'd wanted to and I asked her if I should So the result was I ended up becoming a carpet for three months at the end of the relationship and it felt like he lost respect for me. It was almost like, it turned into, he loved my company and enjoyed the sex and took me out someplace nice Had I done the mirroring, played hard to get, and not listened to the Coach My relationship before him I was totally in control and knew how to handle the Italian guy and he couldn't get enough of me with my mirroring ways, cancelling dates, not answering all my calls - ya know, usual stuff.
So when this ex started to pull away, I thought I'd use similar tactics and I only hired the Coach because the ex said he was depressed and I wanted to understand how to deal with a man with depression. He didn't seem to have it bad to me What I have done, is put my relationship with the most important person in the world to me, in the hands of some non-expert, and it fucked up big time. Therefore, I do feel like I have lost my out on my destiny with this guy.
That my destiny has passed me by. That God, if there is a God, let's say there is, that god had him lined up for me, or if there isn't, well, either way, the ex doesn't love me now he says so Maybe he was the One and I fucked it up hiring the coach. And he was the Only One for me. This is how I feel. I've never met anyone like him before I wasn't bothered about my other ex's, I do believe the experiences with them led me to him I think, we are in Movie A, and if you learn lessons and become a better person you can move to Movie B, if you don't - you just stay stuck in Movie A Final part So I figure he was supposed to be in my Movie B If she was, I wouldn't be so concerned as I know a professional wouldn't say what she did but would be more concerned about my instincts and feelings.
I've asked one since and she was appalled at the coach's advice and the amount of pain it had led me to be in. Then again, there's nothing I can do about the past now anyways as the ex don't wanna get back with me. For obvious reasons in a way I think I turned from being this woman who could handle him, into well, you've read some of it above. I do wonder what I've learnt, because I used to follow my gut before the coach anyway and hiring a coach was a one off Nothing I can do about it now eh. Nothing I can do. One of the worst mistakes of my life THE worst mistake of my romantic life for sure.
Messed up my capacity to earn financially as a result, my friendships went downhill, and my relationship with him ended, and it cost me money as well as I had to pay the coach. I'd love to believe he is coming back if God wants me to be with him, but in reality, I can't see it.
One day perhaps I need to try to forgive the coach in my own head not tell her to help me get over it. Anonymous, I don't know honey, I kind of look at it like this - that experience "hammered" you out properly so that when "the one" really does come along - you know exactly what NOT to do know: I'm simply a woman who has learned the hard way myself, read lots of books, studied human behavior, educated myself - and am here, sharing what I've learned with all you gals. And none of this is magic, it's simply pure logic and common sense. Women vibe off of their emotions too much and if they'd just boil it down to common sense, they have the answers right in front of them.
And with regards to psychiatrists, I hate to say this because I know there are some good ones out there, but you know what I've found with many of them? They're just as messed up, if not more, than the rest of us ;-. To Mirror from Anonymous January 8, 8: Your forum has been part of a bigger healing process for me and figuring it out. Anyway, I've just come to read your post just now, and you're spot on with your hammering. I am moving on! No longer wanting him! Forgetting about the whole messed up experience! I'm just looking for the positives for ME in the experience now, of which there are loads purely because I met him and so I am grabbing those benefits and taking them with me for the rest of my life because I am a better person know and have the tools to be happier within I'm not totally happy just yet, but I know I CAN get there!
This moving on and not looking back will be a major step in my next stage!. If it's meant to be, he'll be back, once he's missed me enough. If he doesn't miss me, that means he doesn't care enough about me or miss me enough, so I wouldn't want him back anyways, so he can stay gone ;- Life is GREAT! I'm looking forward to my next romantic adventure!
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Yes, I imagine psychiatrists can be mental, probably with all the messed up information their clients give them whirring around their minds ;-. HI MIRROR i hope i had discover your blog before anyway its not toop late anyway i hope you will analyse my situation im 32 arab women , i m giving you this detail cause the marriage for men and women are so important in our culture and we are so conservative society with the tabou and conatradictions.. CONTINUED he was supposed to go to visit his parents back home on christams that i knew about it month ago its fine , so his departure was on dec 23 th , i knew he left for 2 weeks vacation and will be back on jan 4 th!
I don't think he's a player, I think he's confused and I think, for some unknown reason, he's fighting his feelings for you. And this could be a test. To see how you handle this. He may be testing to see if you'll freak out, get angry and become emotional. So whatever you do, maintain your composure here with him when you do speak to him. I think he cares and I think he'll be back. Don't contact him anymore. Let him contact you when he's ready.
The longer he doesn't hear from you, the more he's going to miss you. So it's only a matter of time before he reappears again. But when he does, DON'T answer right away. Make him wait it out a bit to hear back from you. This will make him miss you even more. Return that call the next day.
So that when you do speak to him, he really misses you and is finally ready to talk. Hi Mirror Thank you for your prompt reply Let put the culture aside , my question is how come he was so exited and he could wait for his flight back , I know I m repeating myself but he could t stop telling me I ll come right to see u from the airport You don't think we went far with this behavior???? This is a disrespect , if he just sent a text message , I would be more than grateful and comprehensif but this childness attitude cannot handle it Maybe he feel insecure????
So why telling me big words!! Why doing the love actions!!! I m now scared and lost confidence of him???? Is he the husband or the father he will be???? Disappearing and reappearing when he want??? Wich kind of trust is this????? Correct if I m wrong Mirror??? Please Maybe he faked it!!!
But men normally don't talk much emotionally like this If he can say word I love u he means it and asking for commitment and marriage it's big for men , this besides the culture factor for sure Another question Mirror please?? What should I do when he call emailed or text???? A confused and heart breaked cancerisn women. Hey MOA, this is weird for me I've never gotten advice from a blogger but you're articles really nail it!
Here goes, I met some guy and we clicked instantly he got my number.
The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule
We text for a while before he disappears for like 7 months and then returns saying his phone broke and he had no phone for that time. I've seen worse cases so I believed it, and I wasn't interested in dating him in the beginning so it was ok. When he got his phone back he starts calling me, texting me, nonstop. At first I thought it was just my imagination. I wouldn't pick up sometimes. It was fun because we had so many things in common. Then we started talking about relationship things and he explained how he dated a girl who really gave him a hard time a good chase and ended up breaking his heart in the end.
I told him about my hardships too. I felt like we bonded. Eventually I start to meet his friends, and one day I got blunt with one of them. He was passive aggressive and got mad but didn't show it too much. But I knew I did wrong because it was ME not cause he got upset. I couldn't find his friend to apologize. This guy I talk to reassures me but starts to call me a bitch and laughs at me, mocks me etc. After some serious flirting one day he asks me what I've always wanted to do and being in the moment I go kiss him.
And I thought nothing of it but as our conversations go on, he brings it up more and more. Anything that deals with me wanting him. I sometimes reply sarcastically, sometimes flirty. One time he even asked me if I wanted to "help him get over his ex gf for good". I replied maybe, but as I was trying to give him my conditions I caved and said I'd rather have no commitment for now. Because I sensed that's what he wanted. But after one night he got kind of mad. I felt it, and I didn't know why. I thought perhaps he was growing tired of chasing me and having a cold wall facing him.
I can be like that So I gave him a break I told him I was developing a small crush on him. He said he can't have girlfriends, but I never asked him to go out. I kept it simple, and I told him because I had a feeling he was talking to his ex again. And he told me he was but that he didn't give two shits about her. Somewhere down the road we sext for like 2 days and that's when everything started to deteriorate.
We haven't slept together or anything but the communication is virtually nothing compared to what it used to be. He says he's really busy and tired now and to not overthink anything. But I don't overanalyze, I just get a feeling he's no longer interested because we sext prior to doing other things. I feel that damaged the nature of our relationship and it kills me.
He'll still call but it's very short and usually to tell me little things about his day. I feel like apologizing for putting him in an awkward position. But idk what it is.. Like I think we both were having at first until I got all attention seeking? I am completely indifferent However, I would love for you to once again be my early morning visitor, preferably soon before I explode?
Can we maybe give that a little try? That was last night and there has been no response.
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What do I do? Is there no chance of me rekindling this? You broke the dating rules right from the start. He likes a good chase. You made it too easy for him. Lots of women make this mistake. Idk what to think tho Our situations are similar. My break up was last week. How did things work out for you? Did you follow the no contact rule? He is now with another girl and now hates me so much.
We have been together for more than a year now. Please help me on how to get him back. I do love him so much. Have started the no contact rule. And first before I begin, I want to first assure you readers, that there is no situation without a solution. There is no strong marriage that has true love that is without a fight, and there is also no marriage that is without the experience of sweet and sour. God directed me to and open my eyes that those errors and mistakes in marriage if been corrected, these are the things that makes a strong marriage.
With jai mata osa sunlight, I was able to get him back, after 2yrs of total separation. Sunlight mata, is the key you need to open every close doors of happiness, rejoice, love and satisfaction into that you relationship. And pls be obedient to follow instructions.. Some relationships need to be left. I met this guy online we became friends really good ones he told me everything about him and I did too I could see he was really honest with me though now I feel I was wrong. After 4 months of being friends he asked me out and our romance started it was going well because there was this situation in our country where connection was not present so all we did was text each other I could feel he loved me very much.
But when he came so we could meet things changed a lot and also during that time the connection was back he hardly talked to me always busy so i always get mad and send crazy messages which will get him angry but it was just too much he was doing that on purpose. After that he suggested we be friends i was all confused and will always be like why will he want to be friends after a break up.
Each time we talk it always end up bad cause I kept wondering how we can still be friends. Right now am so confused I pray each day he comea back I find it hard moving on. I asked him to stay friends as this breakup came as terrible shock and I still had some hopes he would get back.. I am in college and had an year long relationship with my ex girlfriend. We were perfect for each other and were just like two best friends in a relationship and shared everything. But during the ending stages,I got too occupied with job interviews and some family issues and could not give her the attention she wanted.
She also felt that i got flattered by every single woman and that hurt her. So she decided to end it and we agreed to be friends. But about after a month she just stopped being friends and became quite rude and cold. This made me realise her importance and I absolutely could not live without talking to her. I texted her a lot just to get her attention and would seldom get a reply and that too a very short one. This continued for about two months.
She has made new best friends and just about 15 days ago asked me not to contact her. So I did not send her any message and started the no contact. I have to see her everyday in college so it gets kind of awkward when i cross her. Anyways, after following one week of no contact, she yesterday blocked me on social sites. I really want to get her back cause she was perfect for me. We have so so many memories. Please help me how to get her back. Idk currently how to fully let go. My ex of 7! We lived together but had become so disconnected and stopped being intimate due to real life issues inregards to financial,communication issues etc.
No real emotional support was I receiving from him. So one day I found text messages between him and other women. It was hard for me because I still love him but at that point I was tired of being unappreciated and in a sense taking advantage of because he had become too comfortable.
After going through the break up stages 3 months later I still love him and think of him. He reaches out and processes his love and how he wanted to be by my side but soon as I express wanting to try again after him initiating contact twice, he runs! I started no contact for the past 3 weeks because I felt like that messed up our chances of reuniting because it reminded both of us of the issue we had and I began reverting to hurt feelings and obsessing about it being over..
I have attempted the little outreaches to her, thinking that might bring her back. After reading the above article, I know that NC is the only way I will get better……. Well no contact does not work if you were married and caught him having an affair. It has been 16yrs. This did was let him walk away leaving me to deal with his destruction. I hope he will feel what I have had to deal with,. He is my ex-boyfriend, we connected over a year. He told me he was busy with his new job and having a daughter His daughter is now ten years old.
I was just told I was loved but the love he has for me is not as strong as the love I give him. I get empty words, broken promises, and lots of misery and loneliness. I broke up with my ex half a month ago, we dated for 2. I am currently on the first week of no contact. My ex will start his new internship job on the 23rd day of our no contact, which is near the end of my no contact period.
On that day, he will go onto a company trip for three days, where he will meet his new colleagues. I am sure that he will meet many new girls, too. Therefore I am worried that he might start a rebound relationship with someone during this time. Or should I keep no contact going, and wait until the 30th day to text him, where he would be back from the trip already and started working for a few days? He may think that I am a given for him and will be there for him anyways, which might push him away into looking for someone else.
He wont take my texts or calls, deleted and blocked me on fb. I realize I messed up, but find it odd that he would allow a silly misunderstanding and me being stubborn when all else was perfect, be the end-all.?? We have a couple mutual friends that are like his only family…me and the one are super close. I made the mistake we all have here…I called or texted or fb messaged him daily and day five, I found myself deleted and blocked on fb. I had two drinks w my friend last night and we both got drugged.
I had no idea I called him again, and had to call him in the morning to apologize w a message. I just keep screwing up. But do tell me this.. And he was every single day hour by hour. He probably feels like the ultimate way now is ignoring you. Usually, for a guy especially a cop , he would tell you straight away to stop right after your first, second act. Thus, it may make him feel suffocated and try to avoid you. Now, you need some time away from him, to adjust your mood.
Only confidence can speak for your value to a guy. He only told me do not make a contact to him ever he will never msg me or cal me he said he is doing this for me only he is so firm that he will never text me i have lost all hopes what if i lose him if i dont text him for this long i did this once for 7 days then i only texted him back how r u n all n did he missed me he said dont ask such ques whose ans u would not like to hear N said i thought u must have deleted me from ur heart fone watsap etc.
Just stop contacting him! Go live your life, be happy and let him see the confident strong woman that you are and he will come running back to you. If you keep stalking him he will get a restraining order. Guy side, She broke up with me. We started dating a month after she left a bad relationship. We both wanted to take things slow and make sure it was right.
Both wanted the same things in life and liked each other. I got Clingy due to falling for her quick most amazing girl ive ever met and She wanted space. Gave her some but didnt know it was from Texts as well till it was too late. I bump into her at the gym all the time but I just give her a smile. She hasnt texted me in weeks. Hope your doing good! Proper use of no contact worked for me. We were together 5 yrs broken up for 3yrs. I was hanging out with a guy, but we never quite made it S. He showed interest before I went overseas I backed off because long-distance relationship then we both became hesitant around each other when I got back.
I was also initiating the contact all the time because I enjoyed time with him. I eventually walked away because I was sensing we were in desperate need of a break I thought that I was the one straining our relationship and needed to back off on contacting him , and I let him know that he could contact me whenever he was ready to initiate the next get together. He was also acting mopey and sad by the end of our face-to-face time and has since deleted his facebook account.
I have been contact free for 1 weeks now and am trying to make it to 4 weeks, but I want to make sure everything is okay. Should I contact him to make sure everything is okay, or wait until week 4? Me and my partner just broke up a week ago after 4 strong years. The guy she trying to date is an old friend of minds. We still talk on the phone at times. But that makes me miss her more and more. I truly want her back. Every time we talk she quick to say.
She tells me she have love for me and care. I miss this girl with all my heart I want her back please help me. He told me I need a break from everything but I still like gou,let me miss you sometimes. A man I had known 18 years ago found me on facebook. He messaged me telling me he has been trying to find me. After so long I had reminisced our relationship it was dreamy at the time we were both young and in love.
The catch —he had a wife. The abrupt change in our relationship was an email from her telling me that they were married. I replied apologizing and letting her know that I did not know. So he told me that he supposedly was still living with her due to expenses and that she was a jealous ex wife. I found this out after years.
Of course this was a huge red flag that I ignored because it fit in with the dream that someone from my past made it a point to contact me. So we began to have this romantic rendezvous. He would text me and video chat me constantly. We had many many little messages that we corresponded to peak our interests. We would stay up late at night and fall asleep on the phone.
We used to say we could hear our hearts beating. It was extremely exciting. As I am typing I could see how the relationship could falter. The excitement diminished obviously. It had such a deep stronghold on me that I did not even realize that it could be a possibility. We were addicted to each other. I was completely obsessed with him. Now that I am writing this story I know that I smothered him. I sucked the life out of him. This is never a good thing. I thought that meant I could take care of him and love him better than any other. How crazy is that? Its not even attractive.
Everything I thought was going fine as long as he was messaging and texting me all the time every time he got on his phone or computer. It is only now that I am typing this that I realize how bad it was. I used the excuse its because of the long distance. But really it seems its my insecurity. As much as I hate to admit it. Then I thought he would understand if he truly loves me. But now that I think about it, I believe that it is selfish and unsatisfying. Well needless to say he stopped contacting me all of a sudden.
Of course I made the enormous mistake of contacting him constantly to find out what was wrong. Not realizing I was making a horrible situation even worse. After reading and making analysis I ruined chances of us ever getting back together. Once again being devastated. The feelings that I developed for this man were there because of my desperate attempt to be loved and as well as the convenience and because of the way he came to me.
I did not want to let go because I somehow had it set in my mind that he was the man of my dreams and I was going to marry him. Now to get these crazy ideas and him out of my head!! I am still crazy obsessed with him!! I am a troubled romantic. Hi Pat, how are you getting by? Then wife texts me! We work together, but he is assigned to the project and he comes to the office times in a week. We Break up weeks ago. Our relationship ended for misunderstandings.
However, we spent good time together, both of us were happy. Even, i ended the relationship, i want to write him. After a week of break up he wrote me whether i am fine, i replied cold answers. After this conversation, should i write? It is almost a month we are not talking.
I was married to the man 18 years. Had a business with him and all of a sudden he start the gym and steriods fix after that he need some time. He filed for divorce because I stayed with the business. I need advice i was in a relationship with my ex boyfriend for 7 Months thing went so great for us but he just ended it because he couldnt accept my daughter and it was hard for me and he blocked me for about 2 to 3 days and afyer i got a hold of him i told him to unblock me we talked texted every 3 days a week and started talking everyday through text messages or phone calls and after about a week or two of are break up he found a new girl i was crying upset since he moved on so quickly.
My ex broke up with me over a few agruements. We both were under so much pressure and stress due to he did sickness and me trying to make more positive changes in my living arrangements. We been together for two years almost he is a stubborn type of man and hidesalot of his feelings once he get upset and offten shut down.. Its been a Lil over a month since our break up. I never completely stop contacting him but I cut back on reaching out to make peace to maybe texting him once every 2 weeks. I know the love was real what should I do now?
And is it to late to start no contact on him since we have already been broken up 45 days now. He message me that he is not going to talk with me. I got angry and messaged him this and that. I want him back. Would this rule work with him? I am deeply in love with him Please help me. My wife left me for another woman a year ago, since then we have gotten back together 3 times but shes left each time to be with someone else, now she moved out of state to be with an ex from 5 years ago, is it too late to do the no contact?
We were still texting after I broke up with him. I think the idea is to finish the no contact time then make your move with a carefree but friendly text out of the blue like hey you crossed my mind, hope things are good with you. Leave it open for a response but not questioning. He says that to get a reaction out of you.
Which mea s he won that one. Just keep the NC rule. They gave me a lot of hope when my heart was so broken. Best of luck to you! The first step in finding happiness is finding yourself. You cant find yourself if you constantly think about him and worry about what hes doing. The only way to win is to not talk to him. If it was meant to be then it will find a way.
I have been with her4years.
We were dating.. then no contact for two weeks? - ajypeges.tk Community Forums
Then I left school in febrary 29 it is second last date of febrary. After15minutes I was finding her wen she is in her class she saw me Then she started to ignore me and again iam in no contact. I took mobile and put a coment on youtube and said averything that what I did when I met her in 19th May to breakup expert and he said she is giving u hot and cold give her45day of no contact45day sounds good he said. Again I will meet her at after four month. Will she come back to me. What if I accidentally show desperate and needy in front of my girlfriend?
I even tell her about the no contact rule. What can I do to save this relationship? The best time to start was yesterday. The worst time to start is tomorrow. After the third week of not talking to you, He will start missing you. Then, and only then, do you have control over the situation.
NEVER tell yourself you cannot do something. If you think you can, then you will. I did this and it worked to my advantage. You will realize things about yourself you never realized and these things will make you a stronger person. And your mind will naturally step away from thinking about him. It really is as easy as simply not talking to him. I just finished week 6, never been happier. First 3 weeks were the hardest.
But now, I attract happiness. Happiness attracts good people. Your vibe attracts your tribe. My bf 4 16mos broke up wit me but started txting me again.. The No Contact Rule: Andreah January 8, , 1: Bellamy January 4, , Lisa December 1, , 3: Lisa August 21, , 1: Jae September 8, , Dimitris August 15, , 5: Myrelationships Center July 25, , 8: T June 24, , 4: Leah June 14, , 2: Jane June 9, , Amanda July 2, , 2: Rose June 7, , Fruj May 25, , 2: