This approach has failure written all over it, especially when you meet through a matchmaking service, which makes it crystal clear that clients are interested in looking for a long-term relationship, and not a one-night stand. Here is an interesting story that provides insight into how Thais and foreigners often view a first date. I fixed up a dinner date for a foreign man and Thai overseas graduate. The next day, I asked the man how the date had gone.
So I called the girl and asked her how it had gone. And I must say I was more than a little surprised to hear that she liked the guy and enjoyed meeting him a lot. She said he seemed nice, easy to be with and friendly. Imagine my surprise when I heard her reasons for playing it cool: This is just one example of course. But it does clearly show that while both parties might be fluent in English, cultural differences and expectations can get in the way, big time.
I also have many well-educated Thai ladies dating Westerners as my clients, who also encounter some major cultural issues. Because of these and other misunderstandings, I used to give free advice to both girls and guys asking for my help. Eventually, however, the demand grew so much that in I decided to start a coaching service for daters. Nonetheless, misunderstandings, lack of experience and the large cultural divide continue to give couples and would-be couples countless problems on their way to acquiring a partner to love or marry.
Clients are making the same mistakes again and again, and finally a book just seemed like the next logical step to provide guidance and help solve their problems. I hope this book will be beneficial to both single foreigners who are new to Thailand, and those who have been here a while but have not really learned how to date decent, well-educated Thai women. Through the book, I also want to tell foreign men seeking a well-educated Thai lady as a partner that it isn't difficult and is well worth the effort.
I have been told by some foreign men that though they find dating Thais easy, they find it difficult to find a really good one to marry. But the truth is, they are often looking for true love in the wrong place. Determining What's in the Package. The trick is to start up a conversation, and within minutes by watching her manners and behaviour carefully you will definitely know a lot more about her.
It isn't always easy to tell whether what you see is a boy or a girl. Other than being able to speak English adequately, good Thai girls do not wear clothes that are overly revealing, nor do they drink heavily — downing one glass after another as if it were drinking water. We do not use our bodies as wallpaper, cluttering them with tattoos of dubious patterns and origins. Nor do we speak or act aggressively. And most of all we do not dance on bar stools or poles, or ask you to help support our families through money donations.
As for shopping, take it from me, decent girls do not drag their men into the first shopping mall they see and ask you to buy her things. And when it comes to sex, we do not sleep around, or even enter into a physical relationship with anyone until we feel secure and loved. If a girl you meet has displayed any of the above behaviour, you may wish to reconsider your choice in a partner. Is she, you might want to ask yourself, somebody you really wish to spend the rest of your life with?
Categories of Thai girls. Just so you get the picture a little easier, I have categorised Thai girls into four different groups:. It should be said of course that a bar girl can love her family, her boyfriend or her husband with as much passion and dedication as any other girl, but the trade she practices may not, however, suit most Western men. This is another category that is not really within our target group.
Country girls, while often educated to a certain extent, are far more traditional than many western men are likely to want to deal with. Moreover, the chances of meeting a Thai country girl in Bangkok and striking up a long-lasting relationship are not high, despite the fact it seems to rank high on the fantasy list of some Western men. However, many of the characteristics you will find in Thai country girls are also shared by our next group.
Educated girls with little or no exposure to Western culture. This group of girls may or may not speak good English, but they tend to be professionals, often working in offices. They generally go into the office each day and return home to their family mum, dad, siblings, etc. Kissing is a very uncomfortable thing for them to do so try to respect their view.
I get away with holding hands but that about as far as it goes. In place of a kiss a girl will smell you in an affectionate way. Be prepared to sniff her back. There are different types of Thai women and the good ones will prefer to wait till after marriage for any sexual relationship. This also applies to girls how have been married before. Whilst they can bend the rules be aware that if you do not marry them they will carry some decree of shame in others eyes so try to be respectful. That will gain you respect in their eyes and in the eyes of the family which you will probably be joining.
That a good thing believe me if you want to keep your new wife happy. If you do decide to go away with your partner she is probably working so understand the family will be a financial disadvantage. Try to find out how much she will lose in money and offer to make it up to her. It will not be much but it shows you care. When you marry you will be expected to pay a dowry to the family to thank them for bringing her up. It seals the passing of the responsibility to you from her family.
It ranges from , to , Baht. It is not a good idea to haggle too much unless it is unreasonable. It will make her feel she is not valuable to you and that you care more about money than love. If you are lucky enough to live in the EU and can get a job in another EU country you can bypass the complex visa system for member states. After she arrives and if you have children she can claim citizenship as the mother of a child from a member state.
Alternatively the visa will enable her to stay long enough to claim citizenship by residency. It saves months of waiting and masses of paperwork not to say the huge costs member states charge now for processing marriage visas. Marrying in Thailand is pretty simple so I would advise that route if possible,.
Try to avoid meeting someone is a bar or club. They are not places nice girls want to be seen Try to avoid going to those places or sharing pictures of you drinking or in bars. Thai girls associate bars with bar girls and you do not want to give her the wrong idea of how you live. Most Thai girls are shy to ask for help when they are struggling with something. Try to listen to what she says. She will leave clues that there is an issue then you need to lead into the offer to help.
Try not to avoid offering help when none is needed. Again you can end up feeling her offended side. Thai girls are very possessive when it comes to their man so try not to do anything to fire their jealousy. You will not come out of it well. Comments about how another girl looks or looks at girls who may be walking around in more provocative outfits will not help your journey towards marriage.
Most dating agencies in Thailand are licence to print money. Photo-shopped pictures and girls looking for rich guys are the norm. In 2 years you will be 50 years old old enough to be a grandfather she is young enough to be your daughter. Women in thailand are no different than women in western country. It just Thai women are poorer so they have to do things they don't really want to do.
Women are attracted to handsome men just like men are attracted to beautiful women. If you aren't handsome in her eyes, then there is nothing you can do about it. Young Thai women don't fall in love with oldmen, they fall in love with their wallets ATM.
Western men are assumed to be more romantic than Thai guys
It's healthier because as you age, you will need someone who can understand you and can talk to you. You be will at the same stage of life where you need a mature, smart and understanding partner. I disagree about 5 in pros, about personal hygiene Gosh, your girl must have come from a very clean family. My ex bf had lots of friends who had large families and I would generally rate their hygiene level as one of the worst on the planet! In fact, this is one of the reasons we broke up, while I don't consider myself a super clean person.
I do agree with 2 from cons a lot! I have been kicked out from the house like a homeless dog numerous times while his extremely dirty and unfriendly mom have been called a "second god"! He would never understand my emotional breakdowns and would stay cold and passive during arguments calling me animal for raising my voice at him. It might be just him and his friends, but those who are interested in exotic cultures beware! I've read your story and i really feel sorry. Recently I also met in Europe a Thai girl, not so young as yours.
We ve have been dating like 1,5 month. In the beginning she was texting me like hell.
10 Survival Tips For Your First Date With a Thai Woman
On our last date she was really a cold person, totally completely uninterested in me, and i got no more text messages from her. I really thought i did something wrong. Still have no clue why she was reacting like that she also said she a sick mother. It was if i was walking next to a ghost. But she could say these weird things which a normal person in the West normally would never say. Since i am working in the aviation industry, she asked me in between if i was able to get cheap tickets! On our third date already!!
For our second date she already wanted to go to a Spa weekend with me! During the 1,5 month i ve seen her, i simply could never read her. She was never asking to my emotions and sometimes she was really a cold figure although she always wanted to stay friend. Ow yes, i fell in love with her. I ve read your story as well and there are some similarities.
We both fell in love. Did you do something wrong?? No it just happened. But you have to understand this is simply a chemical progress in the brains. Your brains are producing dopamines, endorfines while seeing her and your body is screaming for more and more. While "missing" her your body enters a rehab stage. Compare it with taking drugs. This process has nothing to do with loving somebody. When u are with her after a while, this "falling in love process" simply stops and you would see a different person in front of you.
And this might be not so nice as in your dreams. You just did not realize what was happening to you and she was taking advantage of that. The same for me, i was in love but was also the big pay master! Apparently it is in their culture that a man needs to pay for everything which is somehow a clash with our western culture. Like you i am also a gentleman but there is a point where you simply have to say: Just to protect you. It is very easy for others to say that you were naive.
You were not, you were in a vulnerable postion and somebody took advantage of that. You did not recognize the symptoms, you did not know anything of the thai culture. It will take time to get over it now, but you will. There is absolutely nothing wrong in wanting to have a thai girlfriend, but next time, try to stay a bit more rational, try to make a difference between falling in love and loving her, dont waste your time with bar girls and go to normal places where you meet daily women in daily life.
It's true that you were vulnerable when you went to Thailand. Coming out of a broken relationship is possibly the worst time to be searching for new love, especially exotic new love. You need to let time pass to get some perspective. Going to Thailand as a tourist and falling in love with a younger, beautiful woman is a common story. Just as common is the outcome, often a sad one. The comment by Girl is very wise and all of us blokes need to take it on board. Truthfully, if you are unlikely to find love in your home country with a much younger woman, why on earth expect it somewhere else?
If you are serious about a relationship with a Thai woman or the like, then start researching the subject seriously. Find out about the culture from reputable sources. Look at the experiences of others who have gone before, avoiding the mistakes they have made. Find someone closer to your own age, likely a woman who is divorced and may have children. Even in this case, she will have other reasons apart from your good looks and personality for entering the relationship, though love will grow as you accept this and commit yourself to her. I am very happily married to a Thai woman who fits the description in the previous paragraph, so it can work and it can be very good.
But you need to be cautious in your approach and realistic in your thinking. I do not understand.
Why would you think a 24 year old, beautiful girl, would be in love with a year old man? Does this seem reasonable to you? I am not trying to be cruel, but have some common sense. People need to grow up, accept that they have grown older, and either date people close to their own age or be alone. If you really want a trophy, get rich and get in shape.
Don't expect someone to be with you for no reason other than that you like them. I'm 48 and had my first trip to Thailand with 2 mates 6 months ago. I was very excited but very vulnerable after a relationship breakup some six months earlier. In my 10 days there I took home 2 bar girls. Amazingly beautiful and I was mesmerised by them. I went back to Australia obsessed with the country. I kept in touch with one of them who I wanted to be my girlfriend. But I couldn't understand why she had to keep sleeping with men for a living. I never sent her money and this stopped and she would go crazy.
I thought I had learnt my lesson but no! No sooner I was back in Australia I booked another holiday in 6 months time. We became friends on Facebook. She used to send me random pictures of the beaches and remote scenery with words like " you should be here". She was sucking me in big time. I really thought she wanted to be with me.
I asked her to stay with me on my next trip. She could take me places and I thought we would have a lot of fun together. After a while she said yes.
10 Survival Tips For Your First Date With a Thai Woman
She did ask at one stage what I wanted from her. I said that we would sleep together. I asked her how she felt about the age difference me being She said she had no problems because she would be happy doing things that ade her happy and people would see that. I asked her how she felt about us sexually. A couple of weeks before my trip she asks if I can do her a favour and buy her some perfume in Australia as she can't get it there and she would give me the money. I said no I'm happy to buy it as a gift. I then bought her earrings as a surprise. Then when I'm about to board the plane I find out she is away in another part of Thailand with a girlfriend and won't be there on the 5 th as she said.
To cut a long story short she came on the 7 th. By this time I was lonely and getting depressed. I said don't come you have wasted my time. She pleaded I want to spend time with you and I relented. I took her nice places and paid for everything. When I mentioned sex she said she had her period. Because I'm a gentleman I never pursued it. But I never got a kiss or a cuddle the entire time. I told her it was hurting me spending time with her because I had feelings for her and said I don't know why you are staying with me.
She said I want to spend time with you. When I was upset and hurt the last night she said she didn't think it right she stayed and left. I never raised my voice through my upset. I was actually in tears. Spending time with her I thought she was this amazing, beautiful girl. I have come back to Australia heartbroken. I am severely depressed and struggling. I still am blinded and see her as this beautiful girl. My friends are saying she has just played me. When she knew I had no plans on my last day there before flying out that night she said I have to leave at 8 am to spend time with my friend.
I was so gullable. It's been over 2 Weeks and I'm heartbroken. I don't hear from her at all. I really thought she was a special lady. Now I'm the only one suffering. There are some very valid points here, but some I would have to disagree with. One of the huge advantages to western people about Thai people is that they are very easy to relate to and speak with.
That's one of the reasons why the concept of the Beer Bars is so successful. I find that compared to other Asian countries, the culture difference is far less. Thai people are open minded in their attitudes, have a reasonably comprehensive appreciation of people from different countries and different cultures and you can have conversation about most things without being frustrated by closed minded attitudes and ignorance of other cultures and peoples.
This is not allways the case with other Asian countries, the worst being the Phillipines, where no one knows anything about any country unless it is America and they are not interested in anything else and you are constantly probed about your religious beliefs and any wish to get married, with no alternative conversation options available. The only real difference between Thai ladies and Western White ones is they just seem more approachable and you are less likely to get the cold shoulder.
A lot of Western woman not all of course really think they're something. I have had a one Thai girlfriend not a bar girl and got asked for money a lot the old "Buffalo Sick" story so dumped her even though she was stunningly beautiful My present one is cool but I laid down the law to her before we got serious regarding money.
Would definitely advise a solid pre-nup if was to marry one. There is a danger of getting taken to the cleaners down the line and I have heard that women from the north east province, Issan where many bar girls in BKK come from, have a bad rep.
Thai Girls don’t know about the 3 date rule
A lot of Thai from other parts of Thailand even look down on them. What a load of shit! Thai women, unlike western women, don't gain wait and let themselves go!!! Wow what a statement. No, because at that point they've had all your money off you and moved on!! Lol get a grip! You talk like Thailand woman are the superior race. They are dominated by western men, a's long as your buying then clothes, food, whatever- oh and looking after their kids not yours! Thanks for the article.
I am married to a Thai woman whom I met in my home country, Australia. Good company, fond of sharing, a good cook, reliable, honest and um, sexy too. She is very affectionate and extremely capable. For example, if I miss a text message from her on my phone this can lead to theatrics about how I don't love her and how I'm not thinking about her enough.
This can go on for hours with me getting the cold shoulder and a curt tone of voice in the bargain. It usually clears up the following day though I tend to be collateral damage, not liking conflict and always trying to resolve issues, as is my wont. Your point about reconciliation is therefore soothing to me and I will take it more on board.
Perhaps I just need to leave her alone when she gets into these moods if I want a long and happy marriage, thought the histrionics of these episodes is draining. I'm not interested in traveling to another country to spend my hard earned money on a Thai girlfriend. I don't believe Thai women are better than western women. I've traveled the world for business and vacations so I've seen my share of women. There are gorgeous women in every country! Personally, I love a woman who makes her own income and has a vast amount of intelligence.
I'll welcome a sugar mama anytime! I have been in Thailand for just under two month and have met a Thai lady who is the same age as me 37 Yes Thai women are generally very friendly but like all other women have a dark side to them. They can be very possessive as I have experienced this with other Asian cultures as well.
Christian girl dating rules
They are not completely subservient but do give that impression off in the beginning. Also they are not that adventurous lovers but do show sense of loyalty and kindness that Western women don't possess. I am half South African and half British so I have travelled and dated a variety of women from different walks of life, races and culture so I do know what I am talking about. That's just my personal outlook on the matter.
I have never been to Thailand but I am friends with a gay male couple who go regularly two or three times a year. Whenever they go they avoid gay culture and ladyboys as these are potentially a threat to their relationship. Instead they have sex with Thai Bar girls. Clearly these girls do not mind what anyone's orientation is, so long as they can earn a living.
Apparently they are lovely kind girls. Well they would be wouldn't they? I was married to a Thai lady for 12 years, and since divorcing have been in a relationship for 4 years. I agree with many of your points, however I must disagree with your "pros" about sex. I have found that Thai women are not much different then other women in this respect. Maybe less serious about sex, which is good. But they think they are old already at 35 - 40, and at 50 too old. My girlfriend of 47 I'm 60 and in great health and slender just told me she's almost 50 so if I expect to have sex, I better get a younger girlfriend.
Expect inconsiderate and uncaring remarks like this from Thai women. They are immature and have very little understsnding about feelings. I have heard about the world renowned beauty of Swedish, Ukranian, Russian, Norwegian women but never Thai women. Exotic can also be applied to Western women. Been to thailand over 50 times v last 10 years Been living in the States too long or must be the frequent trips to Europe where women seem to have an indifferent attitude on jealousy that have influenced my attitude on the issue.
Oh la la, jealousy seems to be a common trait among Asian women. It is also true in the Philipines. Women in the Philippines can get jealous for no reason and they can be overly dramatic and passionate in their jealousy. Interesting piece you've put together there! I've lived in Thailand for the last year and had a couple of very contrasting relationships none with bar girls I'll add! One wouldn't leave my apartment, literally wouldn't leave and was, as you put it 'insanely jealous'. Cue drunken hammering's on the door at 2am. I also feared for my chap at one stage as I've also heard many stories about the seemingly normal practice of willy removal!
On the other hand my current girlfriend is amazing. She's chilled out, we both do what we want and she doesn't expect the world from me. I look after because it feels right, not because its expected. I agree with you, it seems that all Thai women will look after their appearance and are the cleanest people I know. However it does does sound like you have a bit of a vendetta against western women! Not that I don't relate to what your saying, just go easy man!