Mono dating a poly

Poly to mono? - polyamory dating | Ask MetaFilter

Howard was sweet, smart and honest to several faults. Right, what about Mr. Quasi-Right augmented by a few others? Worse, we were far apart in what we wanted. Howard wanted to move beyond the monogamous model he had been raised with; I wanted to replicate it. We were both still active online, seeing other people. He had told me he wanted a primary partner, someone to live with and plan a future together.

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But there were caveats Part of being poly is being able to realize your full potential. I asked Howard if he minded that I sometimes slept with my ex-boyfriend, a spiky-haired, green-eyed guitarist. It involved a lot of mature, evolved discussion about setting parameters. It sounded like a recipe for disaster. You could fall in love with your fling.


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In my post-George dating years, I had developed a protective shell over my heart. Allowing myself to love again would mean letting that shell crack and fall away, not maintaining it because my partner invited strangers to trample through our relationship. The whole thing seemed so avoidable. There in the New York Times they both confuse "polyamory" with open relationships — a more compartmentalized model better suited to Old Culture assumptions. She dismisses all of it as "sleeping around" and fears that people might — gasp — fall in love, which is exactly what polyamory is about!

She hardly respects his dear, beloved people as a possible new intimate network or extended family if she's calling them "strangers I agree about the conflating of the two terms, and I think she didn't get what polyamory was about in seeing other relationships as trampling hers, but they both did try to make it work.

Maybe as a veteran he should have read the signs better, but I thought it was pretty honest. They had a real attraction and tried to make it work, but the differing expectations were too much. In very rare circumstances, a poly person may want to have other relationships themselves but not allow their partners the same freedom because of the insecurity it causes them.


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I do not advise this. There are a surprising number of discussion groups out there, although you may have to dig a little.

Q&A with Redrobin: Poly/Mono Relationships

In addition to these, there are many local in-person groups that you may be able to access, depending on where you live. April 26, 1 Comment.

The game of mono-poly

One scenario I see frequently is an asexual partner who encourages their allosexual i. And very commonly a kinky person will be allowed to seek BDSM-based connections with others outside of their vanilla relationship. This can be because: Life circumstances prevent them from doing so. Here are a few I found to get you started: