Messages You have no messages. Notifications You have no notifications. There is this girl I have known for 8 years and pretty much always had feelings for her and never acted on them and then she disappeared for a bit then I started dating my ex. Well I heard back from her during the breakup and she really helped me out and eventually the feelings came back.
The problem was she was not in the country. I accidentally revealed my feelings to her 2 years ago and she told me she does not want long distance and we would discuss it when she got back. She finally got back a month ago and we could never make solid plans. On New Years she met a guy and had an instant connection and 2 days ago despite not knowing him well and knowing my feelings and hasn't even seen me yet she decided to date him solely because of this instant connection.
There is also more to this story as well. Afew weeks ago she admitted she has been really depressed since she came back and her friends got her into drinking again and she has been drinking a lot due to be depressed. She also admitted while looking for a job she was so stressed she could not sleep. Which makes me worried she is not thinking straight. She also puts way too much stock in instant connections. She is an it religious and believe they are signs from God.
When in reality it was probably some dude who is good at smooth talking. The other problem is I know who this guy is and he is an alcoholic, drug using jerk but since she is in the honeymoon stage right now she does not know this. I also know they have very different views on topics such as sex. She is no sex till marriage and he is he wants some as soon possible. She also hid him from me till she decided to date him. I took it poorly, and got emotional cause she picked s guy she barely knew over the guy who has been with her through thick and thin.
We are not talking right now. She never replied so I think she is upset with me. It still really hurts.
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I am not sure how I should handle this. I know right now they are still in the honeymoon phase but I am hoping it does not last too long, I am truthfully worried she only mainly did this due to her current depression and that instant connection thing.
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I do think walking away and not talking is good to get my head straight for now. Delete Report Edit Lock Reported. Respond Your response must be between 3 and characters. That means you are refusing to see the facts becasue you know what they mean and you o not want to believe them, you do not want then to be true. First, you're known her 8 years. In all that time you never stepped up to the plate and told her what you feel. You once "accidentally ". She was telling you she wasn't interested in you but you wanted to believe it was the distance. When she finally DID arrive in country, for a short distance relationship you were unable to make any solid plans with her.
If she was interested, she would have made time. She met and went home with a guy she barely knew due to instant connection. She can feel and she will react WHEN it's there. It's not there with you. Now you're her father, claiming he's bad for her, a drunk, a druggie, all in all a horrible guy EXCEPT he has her attention. You're grasping at straws, hoping they're as incompatible as you want them to be but the news flash here is She's just having a fling.
She's not involved with some guy who's bad for her Only you are thinking this is a relationship she's trying to form with him. She met him on NYE, for Christ's sake, it's fling. Why are you surprised that you're being treated as a friend when friendship is what you use to keep this one sided connection going? When you didn't declare her yours 8 years ago, you set yourself up to be her friend.
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She does not see you as a long term guy. She's not sexually interested. Move on and find someone who cares about you. You've wasted too much time trying to win this woman over with your friendship and now you're wondering why she treats you like a friend. Find someone who cares for you. Delete Report Edit Reported Reply. Actually she is treating it seriously and not a fling. Like I said she takes instant connections way too seriously. She is a bit religious and she straight up told she thought it was a sign. She is also a no sex till marriage kind of girl so she was not at his place sleeping with him.
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They have been mainly just hanging out at the bar. Michael Send a private message. I don't believe anyone man or woman has very much patience with emotional overload. Its up to you if the trouble is worth it. Personally i say walk away save your self the heartache. It never ends well to involve your self in other peoples relationships.
IF you are to do anything i would say drop her a message saying something quick and simple. I don't understand why you are with this guy personally I get i have no right to question it either but I just want you to know i truely care for you I'm around if you need me other wise i have to move on. If she is making bad decisions then they are hers to make you cant really stop her without making things worse. Give her some space to come to you if things get hairy. Trust me when I say I do think she is worth it but I could be saying that to myself and I'm actually a glutton for punishment and not realize it.
Yeah I was not planning to try breaking them up. Cause I get trying to break them up makes me look bad and well I don't think she will believe me right now anyway with the honeymoon phase going on. I do have some horrible stories of him acting like a massive jerk but I promised the person whose stories were about not to involve them and I agreed. I truthfully don't blame the person for not wanting to be involved.
Sigh wish there was a way to help her realize that but yeah right now I feel there isn't. I think I need the space like you suggested cause I am really not handling this well. It is affecting me physically. Can't eat, can barely sleep, puking, etc are being caused by this. Oh nothing like unrequited love You are her friend for 8 years really not even friends on your side because you have feelings for her. You need to move on and find someone who is into you Can't be said any clearer friend. We're not trying to harm you here, we are trying to help you to help yourself. Zombie Send a private message.
Let her go dude. You missed your chance with her a long time ago, and she doesn't sound like that great a partner alcoholic, severe depression. You can do better and it's not healthy to dwell on her. It doesn't change anything. She's got a drinking problem and untreated mental health issues. Attaching yourself to her will only make your own issues worse. Think about it, you're depressed. Do you really need the knowledge that your GF is an alcoholic added to the list of things that can bring you down or cause you to worry?
You can't save her and like someone drowning she'll drag you down with her. Being with her if she is even interested in that isn't going to make you happy in the long run. The idealized notion of her that you have won't last in the harsh light of the real world. Dude I am not on meds for my issues if that is what you mean by untreated. So I fail to see how that is a problem. I stopped the meds as I found they made my problems worse and have been dealing with day by day.
She was doing great till she moved back.
I think the stress of that and looking for a job got to her. I think she will get better but she needs to be free of some bad influences some of her friends were who got her into drinking and were buying her drinks. Probably more then she needed. And hell I grew up with a sister with bipolar I know how mental illness is and how to handle it.
Edited on February 2, at If you took offense that wasn't my intent.
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My point is and was that, her problems will make your problems worse, not better. Dude I take mental health issues seriously. Like I said grew up with a sister with bipolar and I know how bad it can affect someone. Trust me when I say what she is going through is nothing compared to what my sister was like 10 years ago. I get she has mental health issues and I have known for years. So do I before this stuff happened we were helping each other out with it when she she was in Texas.
For example — taking care of me when I'm sick, telling me I'm the best person in the world, wanting to hold me a lot, telling me I'm beautiful, his favorite person, etc. For the last two years he has been dating a girl, let's call her Anna, but every time I ask about her or her name comes up he has just been telling me that its nothing serious, that he's not interested in her, and that he wants to end it.
Then he always asks me if I'm seeing anyone, and every guy I date is never good enough. But as he and Anna now live together she's moved here from another country for him , I really feel like he's been lying to me about his feelings for her — especially since he calls me when he's drunk, saying that he only wants to sleep with me and that he thinks he and I should spend more time together. Things have escalated a lot lately. The more time goes by, the more I realize that I feel more for him than I've ever felt for any of my exes all long-term relationships , and I can't imagine a life without him in it.
Falling In Love With Your Best Friend
I think about him constantly, and as we now live in the same city again, all I want to do is see him. His girlfriend doesn't let that happen much and we mostly just see each other when with mutual friends don't blame her, I think she might notice that I like him even if I try to hide it and I really want to tell him to get it off my chest even though it terrifies me, but I don't know if that is the right thing to do. But at the same time, if both me and T have been walking around for the last 12 years secretly wanting to be together, I feel like I want to give that a chance! I don't want to spend the rest of my life wondering what would have been, but I don't want to put him in a difficult situation either.
After all, we are attracted to qualities in friends much like we are attracted to qualities in lovers. So, what to do?
In love with best friend but she just started dating someone else. Any advice?
Things are hella murky. If I were you, I would lay my cards on the table. I would tell him how I feel and open up that dialogue. Sure, all that sexual tension can be fun for a minute, but after years of this, it will be a relief to get it all out in the open. If he does not feel the same way you do, then you need to create a boundary, one that precludes cuddling in undies and other confusing behavior. And you may find that you need to back off this friendship for a bit, to recalibrate. Getting yourself in a situation in which you say you're fine with being friends but really aren't is a recipe for disaster.
Another point to consider: He may like this murkiness because it allows him to get affection and validation from two women without technically doing anything wrong. But, make no mistake. This has made it easy for him to skirt responsibility here. This situation will require you to be honest with him and more importantly, with yourself and be firm in setting boundaries. Life is hard, but it's better when you're not alone.