On a dating app like Tinder or Bumble, you can take a quick glance at her photos and bio to see if any common interests jump out.
How to write a successful online dating message - CNN
For instance if you find you both love dogs, you could send a message like this:. Certain words are attention grabbing because they sound delicious. Notice how it starts off with a light compliment. Complimenting her will often give you points, but only if you focus on intangible qualities like intelligence or her accomplishments.
First Message Strategy #1: Go For Laughs
Paying her a more meaningful compliment is a breath of fresh air for her. Mentioning something yummy-sounding works just as well on dating apps. In fact, it literally stimulates your brain and makes you feel good. And the better she feels about talking to you, the more likely she is to share her number.
The example above is more suited for a dating site where longer messages are the norm, but you can get her talking about herself on a dating app with a short message like this:. Those three elements are crucial if you want to get a response to your online dating opener. Weekday evenings are generally best — many women unwind from a long day at work by firing up a dating app while catching up on Netflix.
According to Nielsen , activity on both OkCupid and Tinder peaks at 9 pm, and usage starts to rapidly decline after 10 pm. On Bumble, the real action starts a little earlier, with activity peaking at 6 pm. And if you happen to find yourself stuck inside due to inclement weather like a blizzard, hurricane or rainstorm, put these first message examples to good use.
NBC News did a little investigating, and found that bad weather goes hand in hand with increased activity on dating sites and apps. In many cases, the increase was pretty dramatic.
Send her a light-hearted follow up message like this one:. The more messages you send, the more desperate you look. Women are too smart to fall for them. Even if you write an excellent first letter, there is no guarantee that the recipient will write you back. If there were a magic formula, some genius would have cracked it by now. Every online dater has had the experience of reading an impossibly sweet, heart-bursting message and thinking, "Oh, sigh, I wish we could use this site to arrange dates for our friends or make new totally platonic acquaintances, because the sender of this message is clearly a lovely person.
This is simply part of the numbers game that is dating online and in real life , and it's the reason online courtship is not for those with rickety self-esteem and hair-trigger rejection sensitivity. Because most of your messages will go unanswered, doesn't mean there's anything wrong about you. Certainly you're brimming with foibles, but your intended date doesn't necessarily know that yet. Maybe you look too much like said recipient's ex, or you have three cats while he or she is deathly allergic, or he or she is not really interested in meeting dates IRL and just likes the ego boost of a bursting inbox.
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And as we've said before, you simply cannot take it personally if you don't get a response. That said, there are a few ways to at least make it past the person's "Oh God delete and possibly block" filter:.
Indicate that you have actually read through their profile. Some OKCupid data-crunching found that phrases such as "notice that," "good taste" and "you mention" yield a high response rate.
They indicate you took the time to learn about your target, instead of just peering at his pictures, letting a drop of drool roll slowly down your chin and then sending a generic message that makes him seem totally unspecial. Everyone wants to feel like a unique and sparkly snowflake, so pick out something intriguing from his written profile his love of "X Files," his advertised salad-making skills, whatever and mention it in specific.
How to write that first online-dating note
Relatedly, praise is always an easy way to endear people to you and a much less slimy approach than the famed "neg. Uh, a literate, typing ape, that is. Research consistently shows that we like people who look, move and -- critically -- talk like us. So tailor your tone to match that of the apple of your eye. She's wry and sarcastic?
Turn on the drollery.
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He's earnest and passionate? Amp up the sincerity. But -- cue the sappy learning-moment-in-"Full-House" music -- don't start blathering in a voice that feels totally phony to you, mmkay? We're assuming you're interested because you have some personality traits in common