If you're the sort who camps in front of the PC or is always on the smartphone, go ahead and write back right away if you want. If you usually let things marinate, do that. She hasn't written back.
That might be because she has a ton of messages, she's on a great date, or because she'll write back tomorrow. Yes, it could also be because she thinks you're desperate, but maybe The One will be charmed with your instant attention. I usually read messages right away. I usually don't respond until after I've thought about it a little, and that bit of procrastination means sometimes it might take a couple days for me to get around to it. The timing of my response isn't really related to the timing of the other person's caveat: I try to respond to every message I get, and I have the impression that is not the norm.
Don't stress out too much about it. Also, what Lyn Never said. If someone writes to me and is interesting, I usually take about a day to respond. I will look at the person's profile and then think of a thoughtful reply, especially in the first message.
First Message Strategy #1: Go For Laughs
I will generally decrease the time between messages as time goes on. If I write someone first, I usually take things at the responder's pace. If it took 2 days for the guy to respond to me, I will wait at least a day to write to him.
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I don't want to overwhelm people. I sometimes feel overwhelmed when people respond too quickly. It's a tricky situation and I don't know all the correct answers. I had even toyed with the idea of asking a similar question to yours to get a general consensus of whether I'm following online dating etiquette. Also, I've had women on okcupid reply back to me months after my last message. Don't sweat it, there are more of them out there.
You're overthinking the problem. She'll reply sometime later if she wants to, and she already responded to you once so clearly she's not completely uninterested. Perhaps she saw the new message notification, went to read it, and is planning to reply later? That's pretty common I would imagine. Treat it like you would any other type of communication. Replying 30 seconds later looks desperate, but anywhere in the later that day to the few days later range is just fine until you know each better. I get email notice that I have new okc messages and will sometimes use the mobile site to read a new message.
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OKC shows that I've logged on, but I never write responses from my phone - that happens on the weekend when I can log into my home computer. But I want to check the inbox in case a date cancelled, etc. Please don't write a response to a message you haven't seen yet. Otherwise, everything you're saying sounds good. Hopefully you feel better now you've got a load of near-instant askme responses.
But I wouldn't worry about this one message. Because, you know, it's You happened to be by the computer, so you responded promptly. It would be silly to hold this against you.
First Message Strategy #2: Connect On Common Ground
If I had to make up a rule, I'd say: As a disclaimer, this is just my speculation based on my experience as a straight man who uses OKCupid. Not being a woman, I obviously could be wrong about how women perceive these things. Straight women generally have more luxury than straight men to filter people out based on trivial factors, so, as you know, one can't assume that straight-male thinking is the same as straight-female thinking when it comes to online dating. But really, I just respond when I get a chance.
I assume people realize that there are random fluctuations with this kind of thing. As long as I respond within 24 hours, I don't worry about it.
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If I find myself taking days to respond to someone's message, I take it as a sign that I'm not actually that interested. C As long as you feel like it. Look, you don't want to send off a bad email because you wrote it quickly and sent it without thinking. But waiting extra time just to not seem too eager or available or whatever is absurd.
No one who's interested in you is going to stop and say "crap, morganw is interested in me and wrote back too soon, fuck that guy," and certainly no one you want to date is going to have that reaction.
I really don't think that appropriate response time is tied to gender so much as it's tied to personality. So framing this as "will women think this" or "men think that" is misleading. Some people like to reply to things right away, as soon as they see them.
They are not the type to overthink and ponder perfect messages. They're likely to be the type to agree to meeting up as soon as possible, perhaps even that same day. There's likely a variable of interest that factors in too--if they like your profile, they'll be more likely to respond quickly. This is the kind of dater I am when I'm on OkCupid. Some people don't like to appear too eager and prefer to take time to compose a thoughtful message that digs deeper in to someone's psyche.
11 Online Dating First Message Examples That Get Responses
These are the people who are likely to have more extensive contact before meeting someone and will plan things out far in advance. If someone appeals to them, they may spend even more time planning out their response. Obviously, there are types in between these two ends of the spectrum. And when people match in their styles, communication is easy and trying to mindread the other person is minimized. When there's a mismatch, there can be a lot of confusion and angst on both ends.
In the end, do what you're comfortable doing. If the other person responds well to it, great! If not, then who knows, it might be an indicator that there were fundamental differences in communication there to begin with, and you just saved yourself the time and trouble of finding that out some other way. If you did this 4 times in a row, I might think it was a little eager. I just figured you happened to be online when you get the message.
Don't over think it. I know we all do it, but I constantly forget to respond for several days or just can't think of anything clever to say or am too tired to write any kind of vaguely interesting reply. It doesn't mean I'm not interested. Some people log into dating website once a week or less. Especially on a free site like OKcupid where you have nothing to lose by being a very casual user. If you had waited longer and she hadn't responded by now, you'd be asking us if you waited too long. There's no way to know what she's thinking.
Writing back within the hour is not gross. Formulating a well-thought-out response is not gross. Someone wandering away after just one interaction for whatever reason is unfortunately normal, online and in real life. One more piece of advice: This has the potential to distort your frame of mind. You do not want to lapse into thinking, "So!
She has the time to log on to OKCupid to check out other guys, but apparently she can't be bothered to Then when they start talking to a new potential date, they end up sending me questions again! For me, the best teacher was actually getting out there and dating.
This is more of a general rule for online dating as opposed to one limited to how quickly you are getting email responses. We seemed to get along very well, and he asked to meet for coffee i replied with a yes. We never let more than two days go by without contact. We seemed to get along well when he stopped contact after his coffee request. I saw a guy on POF that I thought was attractive.
I messaged him and he responded back after I apparently blocked him by mistake. He asked me if that is what I meant to do. Anyway, we sent emails through the site back and forth and then moved to regular emails. That was going good as well. I know he is working this weekend and I also sent pics as did he. The last I emailed him was on Friday. I sent him a pic w a message and then another pic. I am tryingnot to make a mistake here and relax. Just talk like the two of you have been and ask a few questions to try to prompt a response from him. Be Patient Probably the most import piece of advice for you to follow here.
Brad initially struggled with online dating but over time became quite successful using it. He met his wife using online dating and has been giving advice and helping people improve their results since He has written a Free Online Dating Guide to help others find success with online dating. You can learn more about his personal experience using online dating and running this website here.