What to do when you hook up with your ex

But these situations tend to only make things worse, eventually. The thing is, friends and family just want you to be happy. And be mindful of some invites and such not coming your way. Your email address will not be published. Currently you have JavaScript disabled. In order to post comments, please make sure JavaScript and Cookies are enabled, and reload the page. Click here for instructions on how to enable JavaScript in your browser. Be pure with your intentions. You don't have to be too subtle since you should already be pretty comfortable with each other -- just make sure she's feeling it, too.

Don't give her a puppy-dog love gaze. Look her up and down and let her see that you think she looks hot. Ask her to come over or wait for an invitation to go to her place. Make your intentions clear. Before you even touch your ex's lips with your own, you should make your intentions and expectations clear. Tell her you want to hook up without any strings attached, that you're not looking to get back into the relationship, and that you just want to have a little fun.

Let her know that you only want to see her to hook up, not to do all the date-y stuff that leads to hooking up.

This Is the Only Time It's Okay to Hook Up With an Ex

Don't be a jerk. It's not cool to lead on your ex, hook up with her again, and then tell her that you're not really looking to reconnect. Make sure you're on the same page. Keep in mind that, when you're about to hook up with an ex, it's pretty unlikely that you're both on the same page. That is to say, it's almost always the case that one of you is still hurt, still reeling, and still emotionally vulnerable from the break up.

It could be the case that she dumped you and you're pretending that you want to hook up when you really just want to get back together, or that she's totally hung up on you while you just want to get her in bed. But if you really are looking for the same things, then it's safe to go for it.

Look into her eyes when you talk about your hook-up status.


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Does she really agree that it's a good idea, or does she clearly think it'll turn into something more? Think about how serious the relationship was in the beginning. If you were only together for a month or two, then you're both much more likely to be okay with just hooking up than you'd be if you dated for a year or two.

138 thoughts on “EBR 018: I Hooked Up With My Ex… Now What?”

Make sure you're both okay with also hooking up with other people. If you're not, then why not just get back together? Make sure you only hook up. Though it sounds harsh, if you're going to hook up with an ex, then you should only hook up with her.

Ground Rules For Hooking Up With Your Ex

Be honest about it. Don't make an excuse every time your ex wants to go somewhere public with you. Tell her that you're not looking for anything other than hooking up. Hooking up with your ex can be fun and exciting, but that doesn't mean you should do it every night, because guess what? That's starting to look like a relationship. If you're basically only hooking up with your ex, then you're not letting yourself meet other girls or have any fun on the side. The more time you spend together, the more likely you both are to be hurt, so keep it fun and spontaneous instead of setting a hook-up date for every night of the week.

Keep it fun and spontaneous. If you see her out, then take her home. If not, then don't call her or text her to find out where she is. You're not supposed to care that much, remember? Don't get too comfortable. It can be tricky to hook up with an ex without feeling too comfortable. No cuddling, no passionate kisses as you leave, and no hanging out around the house in sweatpants eating cold nachos from the night before.

All of these signs show that you're too comfortable in the non-relationship and that you're on your way to dating again. If you want to hook up with your ex without any trouble, then you have to maintain control of the situation at all times.


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Certain subjects can touch a nerve, and the awkwardness and pain that might follow aren't worth the momentary bliss of an orgasm. Forget about post-sex snuggling.

Ground Rules For Hooking Up With Your Ex - 29Secrets

Cuddling can send the wrong message, says Needle, or cause one or both of you to feel an emotional attachment again. Spooning, hand-holding, and even meaningful eye gazing after sex with your ex could lead to confusion or hurt. Fall asleep once the action is over, or take off and sleep in your own bed. Refrain from drunk dialing. Doing couply things with your ex like you used to—staying home watching Netflix, or agreeing to attend a work or family function together—will make it hard to not second guess your feelings.

Because it's so hard to be sure about your feelings, some experts advise never having sex with an ex ever.