It might help you to be as cold as others and you might think you have the upper hand. Maybe dating is a lot more simple than we make it out to be and maybe everyone has forgotten that. Kirsten is the author of But Before You Leave , a book of poetry about the experiences we struggle to put into words. The cover and theme for my newest book was inspired by the concept of kintsugi. All that is dark or cracked within us has the capacity to be fixed, to be filled with light. We are never broken. We are always becoming. Sign up for the Thought Catalog Weekly and get the best stories from the week to your inbox every Friday.
You may unsubscribe at any time. By subscribing, you agree to the terms of our Privacy Statement. And he was right. While women may be the queens, men are not far behind. Mind games are played by men as well. In fact, because of the fact that it is least expected from them to play games, they have the upper hand. The game is over now. I have worked over the past few years to decipher this weird code of conduct that constitute the dating games that men play and for all my girls out there, and here are the results!!
Mind Games to Charm Women Men have a 3-day rule. In the case that I have described above, this is the game that all Troys play. In this mind game, they charm the woman when they meet them. They exchange numbers, sometimes even share a very passionate good night kiss. Being women, we expect that they like us, assuming that we have the upper hand.
Be Aware of the Dating Games Men Play and React Accordingly
However, the men don't call up for a date till 3 days after. This puts the woman through a feeling of insecurity in the start. Questions like "why didn't he call me? As such, after 3 days, she has pretty much given up hope of the guy ever calling. This is when the man calls up for a second date, explaining that he has been super busy.
The woman feels relieved which is not really what she needs to feel , and the man has the upper hand in the relationship. Even though many women are already aware of this one, it has a tendency to work! Earn False Sympathy Men are assumed to be commitment-phobes. This is one fact that I have known many men taking advantage of. Yes, there are chances that either of these could have happened to him, nonetheless, there are very slim chances that it has that much of an impact on him.
The bottom line is that most men use these excuses to keep their relationships with all the benefits and no-strings-attached. Now, in case this is a case scenario that you would be interested in, then go ahead.
Actually, I think men love compliments even more than women, but while men are expected to keep this desire on the low, women aren't. Women love to be told how good-looking, pretty, and beautiful they are. So after a woman has laboriously made herself up, she loves to hear her man say he likes the end results.
The same goes for her cooking, sense of fashion, and even lovemaking skills. Women love those words—those sweet nothings. If this happens to you, you can be sure he's watching your frustration build. You may even be tempted to start throwing a tantrum—which would be playing into his hands. He is testing you to find your breaking point.
He wants to see if you're normal—after all, it is only human to get desire acknowledgement—but he also wants to see if you can handle it when someone does not give you the expected response. By comparing her with others in a negative light, he is using the most destructive means to point out her shortcomings and faults. We know that our faults are what makes us human, but when a person deliberately forces his significant other to take another look at herself in such a deriding manner, he is sending an entirely different and more terrible message altogether.
If this is happening to you, listen up. You might want to retaliate by revealing or telling him things to prove that those people are not as great as he thought they were. But before you do something like that, think again. Don't let him provoke you into saying ugly, malicious, and revealing things about other people too easily. If you do, it may show that you are ready to throw people who made the "terrible mistake" of confiding in you under the bus. He may also think that such a reaction goes to show how you might talk about him the day the chips are down.
Besides, he might be really interested in getting you to change for the better. Yes, sometimes the truth hurts. But sometimes, it is only true friends who can tell you that type of truth—he may want you to know that he is indeed a true friend. Mind-gamers know that women are always watching out for those tendencies toward straying that men normally display even unconsciously. And so what does a mind-gamer do?
Of course, he sends you those signals! Such a guy will flirt and flirt and flirt just to make sure that you get the message that he may be interested in others more than you. There are three reasons he may be doing this, and I am afraid to say them, as they are not exactly what you are going to want to hear:.
If it is for the first reason, you just have to show him the love. That is what he really wants—for you to demonstrate that you really want him. If it is for the second reason, you just go ahead and call him to order by letting him know that even though you know he thinks he is having fun now, that there is a limit to that that rubbish you can stomach.
I bet you he will be shocked to find out that you know the game, and this will definitely make him man up at once. This will also show that you are intelligent, understanding, caring, responsible, and still interested. If so, there's not much you can do except examine whether you truly are clingy or if it's just his excuse for breaking up. If you're actually being overly possessive, you should be ready to do something about that habit, since it is a turn-off for most men.
If a man is engaging in this type of psychological warfare, there are many ways he could he could go about it. He might start by refusing to answer some of your questions. He might stop sharing thoughts with you and start preferring to be on his own. He might start appearing distant and forgetful. These actions all are meant to signify a lack of interest in you. True mind-gamers know that this strategy works like magic if the woman in question is really interested, because her significant other's withdrawal will cause her to become more interested in him and his affairs.
The doubts and suspicions he has created in her mind will make her worried, and she will work to find out what is wrong. As with other mind games, purposely creating doubt can allow the mind gamer to find out about how she will react if she ever hears something not-so-great about him. If your man is playing this trick on you, he wants to see for himself whether he can trust you. He wants to know how you react to gossip and hearsay. He is interested to know if you can actually think for yourself and discern the truth by separating the facts from the chaff of any circulating rumors you might hear about him.
Any interested lady will want to know what is going on with her man. She will try to prove the unspoken message that she couldn't handle what's going on with him wrong by showing him how loyal she can be. In the process, she might even reveal something secret about herself that he never knew—which might even be the reason he launched this type of mind game in the first place. She will demand almost to the point of going hysteric that he tells her everything that is troubling or bothering him.
And then, he will be convinced that she is seriously concerned. So be careful how you respond to this type of mind game. Show support without giving away your own secrets. One wrong move and you can come off as cold or as someone he cannot depend on. One weapon women have over men is in sex. Men are insatiable—often even hard feelings, arguments, and contempt will not prevent them from wanting to get it on. So when your guy who used to be all over you in the bedroom suddenly develops this inexplicable lack of sexual interest in you, something must be amiss.
He'll expect that you will be worried and ask him about it. If you do, it will show that you are observant and interested in suggestions for how to fix the problem. This will be a big plus for you in his book. If you don't, he may think that you don't care enough to put his needs first. Some people, in fact many people, hate the idea of someone playing mind games with them.
They might feel as though they are being used as pawns in such games. Besides, it is understandable to not like mind games, because they are very risky games to play. You may never be able to decipher what he is playing at, and that means that one wrong move could cause the whole cookie that is your relationship to start to crumble. So you should be on the lookout for some of these signs and master how to counterattack using the potent gift of female intuition. Always remember that mind games are normally launched without prior warning.
So that is one very easy way to determine if and when the heat is on. When you notice a sudden change in his behavior towards you, that is when you should tighten your seatbelt and get ready for an emotional rollercoaster. The key is never to say or do anything that you might regret. Always bear in mind that sometimes, some wicked men are just looking for ridiculous excuses to break up.
Please don't give him one real reason now. However, as unbelievable or as funny as it may sound to you, I also fully believe that playing mind games can be used to cement a relationship and make it stronger. This is because psychological warfare can serve as an avenue to enable you to know who you are dealing with in the relationship. When both players play well, they can grow to respect each other's strength, grace, and diplomacy under duress. Oh, and I almost forgot, mind games can also be fun because they provide the lovebirds with something to talk, joke, and laugh about later—maybe after a bout of wonderful make-up sex!
Sign in or sign up and post using a HubPages Network account. Comments are not for promoting your articles or other sites. When any of these things start happening, I walk away. It's not my job to carry the mental and emotional load of the relationship, and this is just another version of how women are expected to cater to men's every little whim and "prove themselves worthy. I'm done with all that.
They can prove themselves worthy of me, or I can stay single. Either way i'm happy and not dealing with a child that can't handle his own emotions like a man. My man and I have been together for going on 8 years, he plays them all on me and he takes it to the extreme, I swear he is going to be the cause of my death some day, a lot of the time he makes my chest hurt and he says " it sounds like a personal problem" or he tells me it's my fault or I brought it on myself, I feel as if I can never do anything right in his eyes, I feel as if I deserve better, I can't take much more, I love him with all my heart, but the games have got to go, I'm a grown woman and I expect a grown man not a child trapped in a grown man's body or someone playing childish games!
Life is short and those games make it shorter and give people a full head of grey hair and grow wrinkles fast! He won't listen to me, he tells me I don't know how to have fun, how do I get through to him and get him to stop before he finds me dead from a heart attack? I have better things to do with my time then to play lame games with a guy. Games is what get mofos killed These jokes that guys and girls play could possibly mean someones demise, and should be taken very serious! Women are the worst when it comes to playing mind games since their brains aren't fully developed yet.
I'm still glad you haven't actually given up on love even after going through all that terrible experience of being played. Women and men both suck! No one has any manners or respect for themselves anymore. If they dont respect themselves they wont respect you, thats your first sign. This is coming from a woman whose been played more times than she'd like to admit.
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Im still out here tho giving men the benifit of the doubt that theyre not all the same. Im just to nice and willing to do more than what I get in return. I make it easy for them to play me. Dont be easy to play notice the signs amd walk the heck away! Well first of all most women nowadays are just plain very sad and pathetic altogether with a lot of very severe mental problems as well unfortunately.
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The way that they're acting with many of us good men that really don't play games at all since there are many of us men today that are really honestly looking for a good woman to settle down with. Most women today just don't have any manners at all, and their personality just stinks altogether as well. Most women are the ones playing these games since they need to see a good doctor, and i really believe that most women nowadays are really Bi Polar to begin with.
God forbid for many of us men just saying good morning or hello to a woman that we would really like to meet which has really become so very dangerous for us men now since they will be very nasty to us most of the time and walk away. Women have really changed today unfortunately, and not for the good at all either. Now you have so many women today that really think they really are all that which they're just a real joke altogether with their very bad attitude problem that most of them have now.
It is very obvious why there are so many of us men that are still single today which it is these kind of women that are very much to blame in the first place. This article has been such an eye opener. I think that any kindhearted and unconceited human being should stay very clear of any mentally disturbed person who portrays this type of irrational behaviour in society. Its totally negative energy that does not spread any true love on to others who have genuinely, beautiful hearts. Dont waste time or energy on idiots like this. Move away from them and go and meet a kind human being who does not play games with the heart.
So we should tolerate and go along with mental and emotional abuse? Who wrote this crap? I want to thank the writer for this wonderful article on mind games. I have learnt a lot from it.
Mind Games and Their Hacks
This psychological article has really broaden my mind to know so much about the opposite sex. You completed a number of fine points there. I did a search on the theme and found the majority of folks will agree with your blog. Relationships are based on honesty and respect not mind games. You are not God. He is the only one that should be testing us not us. This is written like women are to look to men for their status. Like we must accommodate this type of bullshit. There should be mutual respect. Who the fuck gets off on seeking an emotional reaction from a person that is supposed to be close to you - or that you supposedly love.
Imma tell you what, women are way better at mind gases and manipulation I aint' got time for it. Fuck off with this bullshit. I can detect it 10 miles away. Insecure fucking manchildren little ass boys with mommy issues. I don't have time for bullshit, he text everyday all suddenly, he stop.
Mind Games Men Like Playing on Women
And then text me back again. I don't chase no men. Men don't understand , when I woman been hurt, they become a stone, hard heart. Only a real man or a woman can soften a broken heart. Hopefully he find the right one. If he wanted to be in my life, show me. I'm too old for bullshit.. Sorry but that's the truth.. Game is most likely to escalate physical violence when your pregnant, grieving, or sick. Try not to let him know your sick or in a pain.
Just stone wall and lie and say your hair resting. He just learns your weak and easy pray. But until then bite your tongue and work in getting in a position to do Y. They see boundaries as a challenge. Just hang up if your own the phone. Just pack of the kids and leave. But AA has a saying. They also have a saying. When the codependent, the person putting up with game, starts resisting and making their own decisions, the gamer will fight back. They will demand and explanation and justification for their actions. To avoid all these questions and being analyzed and picked apart, repeat the same thing over and over again.
Eventually the gamer will get bored and give up and go away. You can take the surrender or keep stonewalling. But eventually he will get bored, give up, and move on to something else. Basically any emotionally intense one on one interactions, and most of these gamer types appreciate and audiance aonyou may end up with someone who will refuse to be alone with you, but wants to fight in front of the kids.
This is another reason the broken record technique and stonewalling help. If de-escalated things and keeps you from getting into volatile dangerous likely to get violent screaming matches, and it keeps things clean on your end at least if not on his. But you have to be outwardly calm. Just stay deadpan and focused: Put the kids in front of the TV or feed them at a different time to avoid the interactions and game between you and the man in your relationship. That stuff is horrible for kids and screws them up. Just find a way to keep them out of if. This manuevering especially with kids is complicated and requires a bit of creativity.
Yeah well he tells everyone else that too. Do not play happy family. Admit that there is bad blood. But, this is for random bystanders. All you are doing is warning them that there is bad blood between you and a gamer. Poor little him I know. Nothing matters more than men and their dick. You do not need to be glued to this guy. The gaming and manuevinf necessary to counter him will do it.
Work your ass off to regain your self worth, dignity, and self respect. Guard and protect and nurture your softness and kindness and those tendencies in your children. That will be your saving grace. Take things on faith that it will get better and not always be like this and keep moving towards the door. Eventually you will get out. Eventually his is going to get bored and abandon you and the kids. It will get better, just pace yourself, and keep going. When you fail, and you will, pick it up, and remember this effort is for you, not to prove anything with him, just keep going.
And if this sounds like a boring stupid wreck of a marriage yup, it is. The game has no limits and they never do get a grip and they just always offer up more angst drama and insecurity. They never calm down and relax. Look, a certain amount of this testing each other out is normal enough. The mindgames, mindfuckery Id call it, not the cheating is the damaging part of the affair. More important how can you trust them with your child? We are now debating the rights of men to force pregnant women to live in a certain area so the man can control the child. Be a single mother by choice. The man you love can still be the biological father, but, if done through proper and medical legal channels, he has no custody rights to the children.
Which means when this becomes an issue instead of being strung around in endless loops of ever increasing bullshit you can actually take your children and leave. You can protect them. As a wife or lover their is nothing special about you, and these people will mindfuck your children too. Look, have sex, have relationships with men if you like, but remember men are generally not good people who think they should be capable of being trusted.
Men see people who trust as weak and stupid and deserving of what they get. Obviously you will still have male neighbors, and aquaintances, but keep things light breezy and distant with coworkers. Unless this is one of those rare friendships going back to early adolescence or childhood where the thought of sex with you makes him ill, then no he is not your friend. This applies to parenting and housework and any other area of adulting. Since when was supporting yourself, raising your kids, and a favor you did for other people? This is a damn near universal attitude among even liberally raised Western men and why looking resources with men outside of strict formal business dealings should be avoided like the plague it is.
Look people, the time and place for mindgames is either very early on when your first interested and feeling each other out, or in causal sex, fuck buddy, fling, summer romance, throw away type relations where the stakes are low because the relationships are transitory and disposable.
Once you start having sex with feelings involved, intended or not, get into a relationship based on more than ego convenience fun and maybe fucking, then this is the point to cut off the relationships or the mindgames. Divorce is also not the time for mindfuckery because your feelings are no longer your spouse business and vice versa. Split the crap, work out daycare and living arrangements and set up a schedule for the kids. This should take six months max. I can hear the men now Serious physical injury, death, rape, and coercive control are the domain of women, so quit sniveling about her responsibility for your hurt feelings cause everyone gets hurt feelings and get on with your life.
What about the kids? Is she molesting them? Is this a major custody decision? Then shut up and get on with it. Yes well how would you feel if he did blah blah blah. I can tell you how to deal with a bully. You stand up to them and never show weakness. Ideally this is like the s idea where one 8 year is bullying another eight year old. Eventually the bullied child screws up his courage, they fight behind the school, and even though he looses the bullied kid lands one on the bullied nose.
The bully realizes bullied kid just like him, and respects him because he stuck up for himself. He apologizes or acknowledges the other kid, they become friends and everybody rides off into the sunset happily ever after. Ideally this is what happens. So with adults you have to use a different strategy. Are you legally required to give this person the information? You can tell him you asked the neighbor to watch the kids, and he can tell her how your so lazy and evil and you just want her to watch the kids you can cheat on him, or you can keep your mouth shut about what your doing and where you go and who watches the kids during the day, and have daycare so you can go to that job.
Which one do you want? How much of this stupid do you want to play? Keep your mouth shut. So they will go at you and attack you verbally and maybe physically until you are fine again. But At the time I was taken. He tried to get me to cheat on my other didn' T work because. I Already Knew His Game. Its A Good Thing Bbecause 2 yrs later my other dies. I love reading I'm going through this crap with my husband, I'm sick of it, this helps me thanks.
The "aggressive" section of the article through me over the edge. How about men learn to respect the woman they have, or remain single until they grow the hell up! Ridiculous article, sounds like a man looking for a doormat. Putting someone on hold, on a hook, withholding a person emotionally, this is to me comes across as way of control and manipulation, this is not healthy at all. If I can't communicate clearly, straight forward, sincerely, openly, honesty about what is going on in my life at the moment then that means I am not ready to enter a relationship.
I first need to do some growing on my own before bringing a human being down with me. I don't play games. I don't tolerate it either. When two people get together usually the game between them happen whether they like it or not. Obviously or not obviously.