- Dating After the Loss of a Spouse - Grief In Common.
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Annual conferences are held to help well spouses through workshops, social events, special tours, conference sessions, and more. Thanks so much for sharing your experiences with all of us. You have no idea how much good you do by relating your stories of love, loss and the blessings of the support you've received from members of the Well Spouse Association. Back Calendar by Month Calendar by Year. Back Back By Department Office Staff. We are here to help. Does it a feel like a sense of betrayal to the deceased?
Is just the thought of having to start over, to put ourselves out there just too overwhelming or too exhausting?
Is it that the endeavor seems worthless as there will simply never EVER be someone as perfect for us as the partner we lost? Just as every person is unique, so is their reaction to the losses they face. The fact is we all come from different backgrounds. Even within our own family, our experiences within that family can be so unique that we have a completely different set of morals, values, and coping mechanisms than our siblings. In the larger world, we need to think about where we were raised, what part religion played in our life, as well as so many other factors like money, education, etc.
What is right for us? So instead we look to the opinions of those around us and seek validation in what they think is right for us. This idea of dating after the loss of a spouse, for most, comes much further along in their grieving process. Not interested in dating again — perhaps this should be broken down into the not interested in dating again EVER or the not interested in dating right now. All of those things? My answer would be to tell them just that. Of course how you answer may also be determined by who is asking and how are they asking. Is it a beloved friend gently asking if you may be ready?
Let these people in your life know that you love your spouse, that you are grieving your spouse, and that you simply are not ready, nor are you sure you will ever be ready to welcome another person into your life in that way. There is nothing else to say, do, or prove. And most importantly try not to let the questions or statements get to you easier said than done, I know. Remember that in most cases they come from a place of love and concern.
People like to see their loved ones happy and they may feel that if you were happy when you were part of a couple, than the key to getting you happy again is to encourage you to become part of a couple again. So if after answering all of the above you have decided you may be open to the idea of pursuing a romantic relationship with someone new at some point, remember a few important things:. Respect the individuality of this choice, and try not to judge yourself or others for whatever they decide. Know that it is possible to be committed and devoted to your late spouse while still wanting to grow and move forward and find happiness again.
At the same time recognize that companionship and joy can come from many many places, and that a romantic relationship can be a very big step. It is not an easy answer, and like every relationship before, it will take work and devotion, and that may or may not be something you feel you have the energy for at this point in your life. Dating after the loss of a spouse may never feel right, and that is okay too. Just as you knew before. To provide an opportunity to continue this discussion, we have a created a new forum on www.
Dating Again After the Loss of a Spouse. This is not a place for judgment, but a place to explore the thoughts and feelings that we may be afraid to admit to ourselves.
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There are people here who understand. So very much touched my heart really made me stop and think about my life. I can do it alone but I would be so blessed to share life with someone special. I liked this article very much. A friend introduced me to her friend and we became friends. I know exactly how you feel.
We worry so much what others think of us, but they have no idea of the true isolation of loss. You know the people that matter to you and those worthy of your love will understand. I am certain that your darling wife would want you to be happy again. Being able to love again is a testament to how well you loved one another and also to hope. I hope therefore that you find happiness going forwards.
Good luck on your journey xx. My wife passed away suddenly a little over two years ago.
We had been together almost 46 years. Since that time I had a dating relationship with a woman for three months, then a date with another woman recently. While I enjoyed the female companionship, it felt rather hollow and I felt myself wishing my wife was with me. This article validated that I am perfectly normal in my grieving process.
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It was so good to read this article. The love of my life left this world at the beginning of this year after a horrific battle with glioblastoma multiforme. I am in my early forties and was with him from my teens, married for 24 years with two amazing sons. He was and always will be the love of my life. My world broke down along with my heart as my beautiful man stopped knowing who I was two days after Christmas. I resigned myself to a life alone; how could I ever love another human being in the same way?
Before he passed, my boy told me his wishes for me and even who he wanted to care for me- a friend of his who I had not seen in over a decade.
11 thoughts on “Dating After the Loss of a Spouse”
I shuddered in horror at this, and then fate, months later, made our paths cross. He to had experienced the pain of loss and we gently gravitated towards one another with warmth and care.
Her words to me were profound, She asked me that after the birth of my first son, did I ever think I could love another child that much, but I how did I then feel when my youngest came into the world. The message was simple. You can love as much, but in different ways. I have really struggled with guilt and the judgement of others.