I realized that like in most countries, probably finding a decent Japanese woman is hard. Someone who is not only cute, but honest and interesting and looking for companionship is especially hard to find in Japan. While it may be nice to get some girls at the bar, I think western men must find it hard to find a Japanese woman that they would actually want to have a long-term relationship with unless all they cared about was having a chick that looks hot.
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As for us women: It sucks that we have to put in way more effort than we should to get a man. In the USA, I walk into a bar and usually by the end of the night I guarantee a few guys will approach me. In Japan, this hardly ever happens. But who knows, maybe all that hard work and effort into getting a man helps us get a higher quality partner in the long run.
But to be honest, I thought a majority of Japanese men were quite strange so I eventually gave up on trying to find a Japanese boyfriend. And I have to disagree with foreign women speaking better Japanese than men. I also want to say that I love the photos on your website! Keep up the good work: Thank you so much for sharing your experience with us! While reading I felt like standing up and screaming: Being so fake, putting tons of make-up in their faces and speaking like cute little anime characters is certainly not something most sane guys are looking for.
B-b-b-but men should approach me! Japanese girls are so boring and uninteresting! Cry me a river sweet-heart. I thought I had it easy in America, but when I went to Japan just for a week it was like playing life on beginner mode. I consider myself a reasonably attractive guy fit, confident, etc. Women approach me in bars, come up to me to dance at clubs, and I do well for myself on Okcupid and Tinder. But nothing prepared me for how overtly forward Japanese women can be with their attraction. Being groped at clubs, girls giggling around me, and being eye fucked like no tomorrow on the train.
I actually met a beautiful Japanese girl in Shibuya. We spent most of the week together before I left. She has already spent some time with me in America. But what she lacks in that department, she makes up for being a surprisingly kind and gentle person. She absolutely loves animals and she is an extremely affectionate person. One aspect of this article that has been counterintuitive to my experience dating a Japanese girl is the concept of an allowance.
When I was in Japan, this girl paid for all my meals, despite offering to pay for the meal, or at least my own. She never tries to tell me how to spend my money and when she came to America to visit she literally gave me all her money to hold on to for her. She always tries to carry my belongings. If I have a bag with me, she absolutely has to carry it for me and refuses to listen to my objections.
She always tries to clean my room and I have to tell her not to. I actually have some Japanese friends through work that grew up in Japan. I can understand the appeal Japan has for foreign men. The women in Japan are incredibly thin and take awesome care of themselves. Well, it pays off. According to my Japanese friends in America, there is virtually no hook-up culture in Japan. See that attractive girl walking down the street in New York City? It is definitely interesting to read your point of view.
I think that a lot of the stereotypes are just that, and may not reflect as much reality as we perceive. Oh, it certainly does not, but you would have to write a whole book about it if you want to cover it all! After all each one is unqiue. I seriously doubt that you will find a really interesting girl in a bar. These are found by accident, at work, in a university, etc. French, Spanish and Italian men behave quite differently from Northern Europeans. They are also very different from Americans. I would assume South Americans are similar to southern Europeans, being influenced by Hispanic culture.
European women are not so aggressive as Americans. I could go on. Simone, I agree with you. This was my long winded way of saying that those different people will have a different experience in Japan. I work with some guys who have been in Japan as long as me, or who have been married around the same time, and their Japanese is basic at best.
There are a lot of people like that everywhere it seems. Do they like feeling helpless? What happens if they lose their partner or get divorced? Here again you cannot generalize! I have traveled in Japan several times with a British company, InsideJapan Tours, and all the guides were British or Americans and fluent in Japanese [plus they read and wrote it]. That was true also of their one French guide [who was married to a Japanese woman met abroad].
I stayed in Singapore for 9 years and dating there was impossible. First of all the quality of men in general and secondly, if you went out with your friends they always try to compare themselves to the Angmo. Secondly I got so much offended with comprising like: It was amusing with all the stereo type opinions.
My female colleagues at work always said they are not allowed to date a foreigner but they always dated foreigner or try to date foreigners. They would be someone special. Japanese men in comparasing to the Singapore guys are really refreshing and they amuse me with they kind behavior and politeness. The dress code is much better than the flip flop, short wearing Ah Bengs in Singapore yak. My girl friend biggest worry was that sex will be bad because of the size. What Western girls have to worry about Japanese man is that after kids there is no more sex. At least for a lot of couples.
I heard it so often. They would be perfect Christians. This is in later years maybe a problem. I know a few intercultural marriages where they in later years divorced because this sense for flirt and pampering is missing. Women want to feel special, right? Thanks so much for sharing your expeirence with us!
I am one of those rare cases: Western woman with a Japanese boyfriend. But I live in Germany, so I guess that makes a difference somehow. Words he rarely used back in Japan, because it is an embarrasing thing to do. He hugs and kisses me whenever he gets the chance to do. In all, there seems to be less physical contact, also in private amongst couples or family-members.
One of the more shocking facts: We already had a lot of discussions about the ideal of beauty and how a woman should look, dress and behave to attract a guy. Thanks so much for sharing your personal experience with us! It happens to me all the time. A Japanese guy as the foreigner in Germany and what he thinks about German women! There are no social restrictions, so he can tell you many times how much he loves you and hug or even kiss you in public. It shows that you respect their family and origins. Also, I think that if you have learned a language for someone, you are putting a lot of effort into the relationship — the Alpha and Omega of relationships.
Ive been in Japan many years And ive seen maybe a dozen or two. The ratio is vastly different. I'm referring to non-Asian women as well. Like I said, just because you don't see them Japanese women with non asian men see much more often probably around 20 to 1 ratio. So yes, more women than men in relationships with non-Asians, but a far cry from a 20 to 1 ratio. More like 2 to 3. Figures from wiki, referring to marriages not dating, and both assuming that 'other countries' are all non-Asian, which isn't a given. I find that incredibly hard to believe. I note the graph is incomplete, but still, I would have thought the numbers would be much higher.
But anyway, if the number of Japanese men married to western women is so close to the number of western men married to Japanese women, holy moley but the former must be going to great pains to never be seen in public! Im know theyre out there but i very rarely see them. Personally I think the biggest problem for Japanese men is much to do with the traditional aspects that govern the ways that Japanese people are expected to communicate.
My experience in Japan has actually been "ask and thou shall receive". Most of the women I have met in Japan have enjoyed sex as much as anyone anywhere else, maybe even more so. But many of the Japanese men I have known have been generally too timid to ask. It was great to see several of the guys give quite thoughtful answers to all the questions. They seem to be pretty knowledgeable already about the pros and cons. All of the guys were interesting, though - smart, funny, attractive, etc. They should have more confidence! Good luck to them all! Which is double-talk for "At least if the Japanese girls give us the cold shoulder or reject us no one else is going to know because they don't understand Japanese".
I've seen this often times as well, and typically the Japanese guys dont have the guts to try to talk with women from other countries unless those women can speak Japanese. If it comes to them having to use English, forget it, their inbred inferiority complex regarding English kicks in and they are lost. When I was young it was more like 30 times. But never 28, 29,or Seems the dates didn't suit me.
Still it was nice while it lasted. After 30 years of marriage it dropped to 8 times. Still better than the Japanese average though. Thanks for the link. It was very informative. For me, there were a couple of surprises in that data. That's a 'well-known fact' that I've never come across before. Maybe you should try asking some white western women how they get actually on, I think we can give you a more accurate account than some newbie starry-eyed over the unexpected attention he is getting from the local ladies.
The only relationship problem I ever had in Japan was being spoiled for choice. Japanese men are actually not that different than most men in the world tbh. I would also agree.
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I've seen several women respond to acts of kindness both from my male friends J and non-J and myself, with churlishness, pettiness, and spite. It's a learned trait - and one which I blame J-guys for, at least in part. Generally speaking, Japanese men are too willing to cave in to those who shout the loudest instead of standing their ground. Women learn this and therefore adopt aggressive behaviour knowing full well their guy will raise the white flag in no time at all.
However, when she has calmed down I'll take a more concilliatory stance - the point being that if you want to get your way with me you won't succeed by bullying me. I see your point! But I think the commenter is right. The western white women I've encountered in Japan usually go about with a chip on their shoulder because they're not in high demand anymore. And for me it's pure schadenfreude! I got some girls back home, but more often than not I got the bitchy "I am better than you and I only go for players" attitude that western women are notorious for.
Most western women in Japan quickly realize that doesn't fly in Japan and they bear a grudge at a western man, finally enjoying himself with women, whom they feel shouldn't be doing so. I think Japanese men aren't as weak and timid as people think. I know a few Japanese men in healthy relationships with white women. And I've seen Japanese men doing the the nampa thing.
Maybe they're just smart enough to stay away from western women. Now of course that's not all western women, but generally speaking. I've even tried to just be curtious to western women I've met in Japan, one foreigner to another; not even trying to hit on them, and their arrogance and bitchiness just got in the way. So I'm happy for all the western men with beautiful Japanese women and I'm happy for the Japanese guys with white women.
But in Japan white women pale in comparison in terms of beauty and charms to western women, and Japanese guys know it. I got yellow fever! Maybe you should try asking some white western women how they get actually on, ive known many western women in Japan over the years, some very attractive ones that command big money in the hostess bars, not all of them being hostesses naturally.
It true that there the added attention from Japanese guys due to maybe the exotic nature of western women. But ive very rarely seen them date or even marry Japanese men, had many conversations with them over the years, vast majority just dont find Japanese mens qualities attractive, while many non asian men find the Japanese womans qualities beautiful.
Which is probably why the ratio are so differant. If you dont believe me just count the mixed race couples you see next time you go out, youll be surprised. Maybe you should try asking some white western women how they get actually on, ive known many western women in Japan over the years, done very attractive ones that command big money in the hostess bars In other words, the strict social hierarchy, or system of rank, is temporarily suspended.
And I doubt a foreign woman is able to fit into all that, especially with the language barrier. But nonetheless, I'm sure there are foreign women working at a hostess bar. But I'll bet you that they're Russian and with mafia ties. I feel more reassured, I want to date a Japanese man and get married to him. I would like to learn more of the Japanese language and also teach him some English.
I would like to relocate to Japan too but I am just very very shy: But I could be sarcastic. Guess we'll never know will we? I never asked, but I sure heard a lot of whinging over the years! I have known several dozen J-female, W male couples over the years, but only two J male, W female couples who were dating, and two that were married, and one of those was the first such mixed couple I ever knew.
I am wondering if there is an alternate universe Japan where Cleo lives and this internet thingy connects us to her. I'm a white western woman and I don't find the majority of Japanese men attractive, yet I have been very happily married to a Japanese man for over three decades. There is no need to find every specimen of a particular group attractive, just The One. It certainly sounds like one or other of us is living in an alternate universe. The white western women I've met in Japan have generally been having a great time. The male English teachers that pass through seem to have an enjoyable time dating the local ladies, but they come and go; I don't know of a single one who picked up a Japanese bride.
I also know a handful of local ladies with a bit of a 'thing' for Western men, but none of them are in long-term relationships. I imagine it's different in the big cities or near US bases, where there's a denser population of single non-J men. One of them is about to tie the knot this fall. It's not that rare. I think W gals and W guys in Japan just tend to move in different circles, and don't often pay much attention to what's going on on the "other side.
I'll just say it then: There's countless commenters on this here forum who've testified to the fact. Many of them have been in Japan for years. Your minor success story and your very small circle of likewise successes doesn't negate the fact that most of the white western women in Japan are dateless, sexless, and bitter. And good on the Japanese men for avoiding those types. Japanese men can get english lessons from ECC. You're making excellent points throughout this whole thread.
Russian women working at a hostess bar- so true. British, Canadian, German and American dimes never stoop that low here. There was strictly no sex involved during work hrs. An Aussie girl I knew was even offered a million yen to sleep with one of her rich clients.
If your a very attractive western or white woman and your prepared to go down that path you can make a huge amount of money.
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You mentioned the Canadian woman working as a hostess. She was an academic who had "a real career" and not some two-bit trash.
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The aussie gal- indecent proposal- happens. The older the bear- the sweeter the juice, just doesn't ring true to most japanese men looking for "sex". Noidall You've got a lot of judgements for 'white western women' in Japan, and yet have the nerve to call them bitter. My best friend is a guy and he has dated japanese girls. The ones that had lived abroad are super open and lively while the ones that had never been outside of Japan are way more shy in every aspect.
And yes, is super common to see a western guy with a japanese girl rather than a japanese guy with a western girl. As to myself, I have only been approached by Japanese guys that had lived outside Japan, but still they are REALLY shy or self-conscious because they do believe Asian guys are not attractive to western girls. See, in Japan there are very established gender roles and even if they have the experience of having lived abroad, booooooy those gender roles stick to their psyche. Some others are curious and ask me questions but that's it.
It also depends on where you're living. If you're near Tokyo or a big city, not a big deal, but if you're in the outskirts it will be more difficult for you as a foreigner. And I'm not saying this is a rule, it might be a problem you may or may not encounter when you go to the dating scene here in Japan, but still, same thing you'll find anywhere else. I can't wait to go to Japan in a little over a year. My grandmother is Japanese and she married my grandfather which was a white guy and they where really happy together.
From want my mom has told me Japanese people are really shy when it comes to talking to people outside of Japan. I am just hoping that I won't be shy as well and maybe I can talk to some of them when I get there.
How a love of Japan led me to stop dating its women | The Japan Times
Use your Facebook account to login or register with JapanToday. By doing so, you will also receive an email inviting you to receive our news alerts. A mix of what's trending on our other sites. Bilingual Chauffeurs for Luxury Transportation Make a great living while driving luxury vehicles. No wonder their economy is in the hole. The more I learn about Japan, the more I want to go. Japanese men seem to me to be in awe or afraid of foreign women because of their openness and strength Two things that aren't attractive in a woman.
I'm just glad we have Japan Today to tell us that dating is hard! Many J-men like to date foreign women for free English lessons.