Not someone who is your life, but someone who adds to it, supports you in it, and stands next to you while you go after it? Two growth-oriented individuals in a partnership focus on how they can improve things, including love. Sign up for the Thought Catalog Weekly and get the best stories from the week to your inbox every Friday. You may unsubscribe at any time. By subscribing, you agree to the terms of our Privacy Statement. Alphas choose each other out of want, not out of need.
Accomplishing goals is not success. Stop searching for happiness in the same place you lost it. Some women are only social alphas around certain groups of friends. On a ten point scale she might be a seven or a four, for example. What happens when two alpha females are in the same office? Or, maybe two words: The alpha female with the higher degree of alpha-ness usually takes charge and the second alpha female backs down.
Well, she seethes, plots revenge and then backs down. In social groups most of the female drama comes when two alpha females are competing to be the social conductor and non-alpha females or alpha females to a lesser degree are not sure who to follow. We all have experienced whether we knew it or not a group without an alpha female.
Alpha females actually have the very important role of social lubrication. We have very little awareness of how important they are and how much we do, in fact, rely on alpha females. They bring social ease to a group. They smooth over business disagreements and take charge. They have many names, both good and bad: From a very young age girls are taught—far more than boys—to share, cooperate and play fair. Alpha females actually make it easier for a group of girls to interact because there is one unspoken leader.
This leader sets the tone for the group and allows girls to get along without having a power struggle. If I had to put a label on the different most typical female roles in group settings, here are what they would be:. The exact middle letter of the Greek alphabet, Nus are fillers. He had been a licensed psychoanalyst in private practice for many years, and he had made this fact known during the first class, while introducing the course.
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This student, a young woman of about twenty, apparently decided that he was therefore available to do therapy with students. She talked for about twenty minutes about her problems with men. She said she was always seeing men on the street, on the subway, in the parks, and finding them attractive. But once she noticed that the men looked at her, she was immediately disgusted by them.
At other time she hated men her own age and limited herself to dating women and older men. She spoke in a very soft and fast and circular way, and at times it was hard to understand her.
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At one point she said she had seen a church counselor but had stopped after five sessions. It was then that the professor broke in and said he thought she should return to the church counselor or to some other counselor. He pointed out that free counseling for students was available at the college.
She found a reason to have contempt for him, taking his words out of context and giving them a different meaning. To her it was as though he were asking her if she was interested in older men. She quickly got up and left the office, backing out as if he had done something inappropriate. He pondered about what to do. It was a delicate situation. Women all over the country were accusing men of sexual misconduct, and they were always believed. He suspected that if he brought this to the attention of his superiors at the college, who were all women, it might not go well.
He questioned whether they would believe him or her. It was apparent to him, from what she had said, that she probably suffered from a histrionic personality disorder. She was angry and particularly envious of men in authority and he was a teacher, a man in authority. It may have been that she found him attractive and then disgusting and wanted to find a way to knock me down.
He decided not to do anything about it, to just go back to teaching the class. But she started acting out in class, sleeping during several classes, talking to the woman who sat beside her for long stretches of time, texting on her cell phone during class and asking him disrespectful questions during class. He gave students a class participation grade, and at one point he called her up after class and informed her that her class participation grade was a C and that whether it went higher or lower was up to her.
She sort of smirked at him and walked shaking her head. The next class he found out that she had gotten vengeance by telling students he had come on to her in her office by asking her if she was interested in older men.
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Two students who had formerly liked this professor now played a game with him one day when he entered the class. The teacher who taught before him was just finishing his class, and the two women students began making a big deal over how young this teacher was. What do you teach? Oh, my, I think I want to sign up for your class.
Their game was meant for his ears. These women had immediately believed this woman the result of the well-known feminist demand that women be believed and concluded that their professor was a pervert. He was anything but a pervert.
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He had tried to help this young woman with her problems, and she had jumped in and twisted what he had said to suit her purposes. He thought about confronting this student in the next class, but since there were only a few classes left in the semester, he decided to let it go. However, one of the two women who had at first liked him now dropped the class. Another woman, who had planned to do a research project with him stopped speaking to him. This case shows the power that women now have over men and particularly how an alpha female can use the present anti-male atmosphere—in which all women who make charges against men must be believed—to her advantage.